Hey jenetically, quitting smoking is something I’ve done before. The longest without was a year and half. I refer to that time as my crazy period of my life. I was a wreck. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. At that time I had no idea that I had ADHD, I had no tools to use and I just couldn’t figure out why I was so emotional. After a devastating miscarriage I couldn’t cope any longer and started smoking again, the one thing that I know has worked in the past. That was in 99. I’ve smoked ever since. I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m hoping that the meds will calm the adhd down enough that I can deal with life without the nicotine. I’m gonna go at it one day at a time and cut back slowly cause quitting cold turkey for me doesn’t work. When talking with my therapist yesterday we discussed my all or nothing thinking and how it affects my life. We came to the conclusion that thinking that way doesn’t work, baby steps for me from now on. Being conscious of the things I do and feeling good about small steps. Like with my laundry issue, I tell myself I’m going to get it all folded and put away, I fizzle out and only get part way through, then I feel bad cause I didn’t finish what I set out to do. So this week will be one hamper at a time, then walk away and take a break. Retraining my habits will be a big challenge. But I know with support and you guys I’ll over come things I have never done before. 
On the meds note, since Monday I have felt foggy on them and for the first time I feel clear and free. I feel ME!! But collected, not riddled with anxiety, not short tempered and annoyed. Very strange but wonderful. I can concentrate on what I’m doing and get it done. In regards to parenting I love being a mom, I feel cause we started so young that I didn’t give myself enough credit for what I have done. I realized yesterday that I have next to no self esteem and tons of negative self talk that I didn’t even hear any more. Now I see it and will change it. I am a terrific mom, wife, daughter, and friend. My husband loves me no matter what and I have to remember to share with him how I’m feeling and not keep it in any longer. This past week has been a real eye opener and hope that it continues for a life time. My biggest and most challenging feat is dealing with the fact that my sdad (step dad but I refer to the s as second) is dying of cancer and will only be here for a few more months. My grandma died a few years back and I thought that was hard but this has been the hardest trial ever. He’s been married to my mom for about 5 years, he’s a wonderful man. Saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I have ever done. He’s the reason I want to get myself together, functioning again. He’s reminded me what family really means, what love really feels like. And to never take my loved ones for granted ever again.
Anyways I’m just going on now, I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend, have fun, live life, and love with all your heart. Cause you just never know.
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