Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? Feeling confused as always

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  • Anonymous
    Inactive
    #89310 |

    So I started Concerta this week. And like always (this has happened in the past) I start the meds and it alters the way I feel. I feel uncomfortable and not like me. I start thinking that I can do this without the meds and will go on a binge of trying to keep things up to snuff. And then it all falls apart again and I start all over from the beginning. So far the side effects I have experienced has been loss of appetite(which is fine as I do have a problem with over eating), headaches, faintness, my head is a bit foggy and I could not sleep last night. My brain would just not shut off and my body felt jittery. Every noise in the house woke me with a startle. So here I am again, not wanting to give this a good shot. Thinking that if the meds are really going to work that itll be an instant awakening. Am I making up my adhd symptoms? Or making them seem worse than they really are. I just don't know. When I look over my whole life, it's all there. I can't keep up with housework and laundry is forever piling up. I'm a massive procrastinator and am unmotivated more often than not. I also know that when I give up my self medicating ways things spiral downward really quickly, symptoms become amplified. So as of right now I still have my self medications (smokes, food and pop) so I guess I feel that I function more or less alright. But I can't have them forever, their not healthy. I guess what I want to know is how has everyone elses experiences with meds have been. Have you had a similar experience? Anyways, thanks to anyone who responds it’s very much appreciated.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    i think you’re getting into a cycle of over-analysing and driving yourself nuts with it, along with expecting instant gratification and magical results. i do that ALL the time. and then i bring all sorts of other stuff in and pile them onto my molehill to build a little mountain. :D some of the dangers of having a creative, quick-thinking ADHD brain – we get a bit um… carried away sometimes, maybe? :D

    what helps me when i’m starting new meds, is to writeoff the first 3 or 4 days as automatically likely to be rather random and odd in plenty of different ways, in advance. i don’t try and use them as indicators or predictors of anything, cos i know that my brain will likely be doing all sortsa novel stuff and finding it’s balance, and i’ll be on edge and paranoid and feeling really emotionally heightened and physically wired by all the newness and that sort of thing- so i just potter through them as obliviously as i can manage, without examining anything that much.

    this has been really helpful especially with antidepressants, cos they put a lot of people all over the flipping place for the first few days on them- we don’t stay like that thankfully, but honestly, if i felt like i was gonna feel the way i do on the first day of new head meds all the time- let alone did any deep meaningful thought during that point, i’d end up throwing the packet back at the pharmacist and running off screaming and looking for the nearest duvet to get under 99% of the time. :D

    my first few days on straterra (different sort of med) i was dizzy. and had a headache. and it took me ages to pee. i’d sit down and tell my brain to pee, and it’d take about a week to send the message down to my bladder and set everything going. which was weird. and sorely disapointing too. i didn’t think anything had changed beyond that.

    my first few days on wellbutrin (used off label for adhd, also for depression and to quit smoking) i was bouncing off the walls alert, and way too chipper. i cleaned my entire house, sweated buckets, laughed my arse off at pretty much everything like i was completely stoned, and didn’t sleep more than a few hours, and was still kinda conscious, not sleeping deeply, the whole time. i also felt a bit nauseous randomly. that didn’t last.

    my first few days on effexor (mainly used as an antidepressant, sometimes for ADHD too though) i was a bit hyper too, and had absolutely no sense of balance. urgh. seasickness all the time, felt like my head might roll off sideways. did not like. again, didn’t sleep.

    all of these things calmed down within a week or two, and having got used to the minor shifts in me (cos i was still me, just a me tuned into a slightly different frequency), i was more able to reflect on subtler changes, look back, and assess what was happening underneath the surface. i made a little symptom checklist and looked at whether each issue had improved, got worse, or stayed the same. and most importantly, i asked people around me how i’d seemed- and especially in the case of the straterra, they saw dramatic changes that i really hadn’t noticed until they mentioned them, that didn’t seem dramatic to me. probably cos i’ve got ADHD- i think i’m paying attention a lot of the time, but i’m usually the last person to know whats really going on with me, cos my eyes and brain are off all over the place 24-7. :D

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I can tell by your post that you are not making up your ADHD symptoms. (haha)

    So, I just started Concerta this morning and I need to work on the timing of it all. I haven’t been to sleep yet, but I can tell you that I may have trouble getting to sleep. I feel pretty wide awake right now at 1am. Not good.

    I think the Concerta will work for me, but I just have to figure out how long it lasts and if I need to supplement it with Ritalin to make the landing a little softer.

    Good luck and good night! :)

    Curlymoe115
    Member

    I asked my physician for meds and he told me the ones I am “currently'” taking should take care of my problems. I wonder when he is going to realize I stopped taking these 3 years ago. Does the fact that I never need a refill not tip him off. But I just nodded. Now with our socialized health care I can always sneak off to a different doctor and get someone else to prescribe what I need. Sort of like sneaking off to get a fix.

    All the meds that were prescribed to me caused weight gain. A lot of weight gain. 50 lbs in 2 months. When I told my psychiatrist that I felt terrible with all this extra weight he prescribed an anti-depressant that caused me to gain weight. In the 3 years I have been off the meds I have had no luck shedding these extra lbs. So I would feel fine taking something that would inhibit my appetite a touch. I already don’t sleep so that wouldn’t be a problem. But feeling light headed and headaches may be a deal breaker but who knows. Good luck.

    Hans
    Member

    pearljam1997

    I had a long talk with my Dr about side effects. His explanation was more or less like this as I rememmmmmmber it.LOL. Our medicines stimulate different areas of our brain. So let say we are talking about areas A,B,C,D,E, You need areas A,B,C,D stimulated all is good. But area E is also stimulated….BAD.the side effect.

    This is were the DR has to work with you to get the delivery system right- time release ot fast acting- and the dosage amount. In all it a balancing act and a trial that will take time to get it right. Some persons get lucky- I did. With some other it might take more time.

    Good Luck and don’t give up. THE LIGHT AT THE END TUNNEL IS BRILLIANT

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I can’t thank you guys enough for the replies. :D This morning when I got up from another rather sleepless night, I had decided to not take the meds again. Then I decided to see if I had any replies to my post and sure here you guys were.

    jeneticallymodified- your posting made me laugh and realize you are sooooo right about me over analyzing myself. I tend to do that A LOT!!! Reading about all your trials and tribulations on meds I realized that I have to keep plugging ahead.

    brentitude- you made me laugh when you said that just from my posting that I’m not making up any of my symptoms. HAHAHA Thanks!!

    curlymoe- I hope that you are able to find the right doctor to help you out. I’m sure my sleep will come once my body has gotten used to the meds. Good luck!!!

    hans-thanks for the words of encouragement, they mean a lot!!

    So after reading the posts I took my meds and hope for a better day. The one thing I’ve noticed about it so far is that I can watch a tv show and actually be plugged into it. My mind stops racing. But come night fall my mind picks up again and goes all wonky, and now I’m thinking it’s cause the meds are starting to wear off and my brain is doing what it does all day not on meds. And I’m only realizing that just maybe the meds are helping all the racing to stop.

    So thanks again, it’s so very much appreciated. I’m looking forward to getting to know you guys. I feel at home here. Like I belong. :D

    Hans
    Member

    pearljam1997

    You are getting to the AH HA moment. Yes I love it when the mind stops racing…I can focus..I remember,My handwritting is better I can read it, I can spell much better.

    There is a great difference between focus and hyper focus. I can HYPER FOCUS with out medication. This is because I am interested in the subject- or the subject can be stored in my brain- same results either way the information is retained. There is a patch to the brain cells that stores the memory. Just like computers there is an address buss in our brains. Our address buss works real well in some areas a super highway. In other areas its a dirt road and we are on a slow bumpy road.

    It was impossible for me to focus on certain things..It just would not register. My medication helps me to focus in those areas that previously eluded me. ie the bunpy road is smoothed out .

    And I know when the medication starts to wear off. I have learned to give my self slack. I don’t beat myself up anymnore.

    I am a professional Engineer. The Anxiety of “memory lapses and “TYPOS” realy got to me. I have to sign and seal drawings. I’m financialy responsible. The diagnosis and meds have changed that.

    I now understand , take my medicine and plan my work accordingly.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    yay!

    yeah, that evening thing is quite weird- i feel like when i’m tired before bed i revert to being a tired 3 year old (which makes sense, cos i’m hyper like a 3 year old too!) i get cranky and overdramatic and spaced out and sulky and don’t wanna go to bed incase i miss something, and overstimulate myself in a futile attempt to stave off sleep, and eventually fall to bits in a heap- all that wonderful stuff. :D

    it’s awesome how having a clear enough head while on meds, means you can actually notice that your head is getting a bit messy sometimes, instead of the messiness being the default state, and you flailing around completely ignorant of there being any other way of feeling, let alone that it is a mess. it’s even more awesome when you’re still together enough while messy that you’re able to muster your mental strength and rein yourself in and tidy it up. apparently. :P :D

    i remember a few weeks into starting strattera (back when i still didn’t think it worked)….. my bf looked across worriedly to me from the drivers seat of the truck, while we were going down the highway somewhere, and asked me what i was thinking (apparently when i’m quiet, thats a dangerous sign to him- cos it means i’m thinking, and that NEVER goes in a good direction- poor boy!) and me replying “….nothing….” and sitting there openmouthed in shock for a moment, while he did a double take and looked very bemused. i’d just been staring out of the window enjoying the veiw and the sunshine on my face. there was total radio silence in my head, quite possibly for the first time ever, and i hadn’t even noticed the lack of chaos. of course, when i did notice, it freaked me right out- but in a sort of good way.

    thats why other people are helpful when you’re trying to judge that stuff- we’re a bit oblivious on occasion! :D

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    YEAH!!! I finally slept. Yesterday I thought that just maybe my addiction to pepsi was adding just a little too much stimulants to my body, so yesterday I only had one glass and wouldn’t you know it I slept. So without one of my many self medications we’ll see how well this med works for me. Anytime I’ve taken away a self medication it amplifies my adhd, which makes sense. So the next REALLY big one is smoking. 😯 I’m gonna start cutting back this weekend to see how I handle the withdrawls this time. Has anyone here been on meds and actively trying to conceive? I did ask this in another forum but have had no replies. Or if you guys even have a good place on the net to check out it would be much appreciated. Thanks a bunch again. Hope you guys have a great day.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    wooooh! smoking! that’ll be a fun one. its SO worth it, just don’t start up again for goodness sakes, cos quitting is not something you wanna go through twice. no way.

    i think you should really talk to your doctor about the conception bit, cos i’m not sure if they’ve got a huge amount of data on how a lot of head meds might possibly affect little growing sprogs, nor what sort of strategies can be used to give you the best … um… outcome (i keep wanting to say ‘experience’ but my brain keeps misconstruing that and making it read like the doctor is gonna give you a load of sex tips). i have seen posts by people who have come off meds to conceive… but i wouldn’t know anything about it really- i have enough trouble looking after myself, i doubt i’d be able to keep another little human alive and sane, medicated or not. :D

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey jenetically, quitting smoking is something I’ve done before. The longest without was a year and half. I refer to that time as my crazy period of my life. I was a wreck. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. At that time I had no idea that I had ADHD, I had no tools to use and I just couldn’t figure out why I was so emotional. After a devastating miscarriage I couldn’t cope any longer and started smoking again, the one thing that I know has worked in the past. That was in 99. I’ve smoked ever since. I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m hoping that the meds will calm the adhd down enough that I can deal with life without the nicotine. I’m gonna go at it one day at a time and cut back slowly cause quitting cold turkey for me doesn’t work. When talking with my therapist yesterday we discussed my all or nothing thinking and how it affects my life. We came to the conclusion that thinking that way doesn’t work, baby steps for me from now on. Being conscious of the things I do and feeling good about small steps. Like with my laundry issue, I tell myself I’m going to get it all folded and put away, I fizzle out and only get part way through, then I feel bad cause I didn’t finish what I set out to do. So this week will be one hamper at a time, then walk away and take a break. Retraining my habits will be a big challenge. But I know with support and you guys I’ll over come things I have never done before. :D

    On the meds note, since Monday I have felt foggy on them and for the first time I feel clear and free. I feel ME!! But collected, not riddled with anxiety, not short tempered and annoyed. Very strange but wonderful. I can concentrate on what I’m doing and get it done. In regards to parenting I love being a mom, I feel cause we started so young that I didn’t give myself enough credit for what I have done. I realized yesterday that I have next to no self esteem and tons of negative self talk that I didn’t even hear any more. Now I see it and will change it. I am a terrific mom, wife, daughter, and friend. My husband loves me no matter what and I have to remember to share with him how I’m feeling and not keep it in any longer. This past week has been a real eye opener and hope that it continues for a life time. My biggest and most challenging feat is dealing with the fact that my sdad (step dad but I refer to the s as second) is dying of cancer and will only be here for a few more months. My grandma died a few years back and I thought that was hard but this has been the hardest trial ever. He’s been married to my mom for about 5 years, he’s a wonderful man. Saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I have ever done. He’s the reason I want to get myself together, functioning again. He’s reminded me what family really means, what love really feels like. And to never take my loved ones for granted ever again.

    Anyways I’m just going on now, I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend, have fun, live life, and love with all your heart. Cause you just never know.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    awww- it sounds like stuff is really coming together for you right now. i’m glad. hang in there. :)

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