The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › I'm Sad › Grieving the losses – AGAIN › Re: Grieving the losses – AGAIN
You’re right to feel proud of all the logjams you’ve cleared since starting the Straterra.
Getting through that kind of stuff does kind of leave you feeling naked and alone with your regrets at first, though. It’s a good sign. Still, without all the insulation of your piles of undone stuff, it hurts just like a fresh wound that won’t stop bleeding.
When I’ve gone through periods of grief, the *only* thing that ever seems to finally lift me out of it and stop the bleeding is seeking out or stumbling on a new interest and immersing myself in it.
Engaging in whatever creativeness or activity goes along with the new interest gives me periods of “anesthetized” time in which to reflect and come to a new understanding. And learning to do (or learning about) whatever it is I’ve taken up acts as a therapeutic diversion. It’s as if the stimulation and freshness of a new pursuit serves to catch and reverse the downward spiral going on in my head.
My ability to sew and my skills as a gardener were both borne of times in which I was struggling to work through heavy grief. So were several of my reading pursuits, the two cool pets I have and at least one physical sport.
Take heart; it will get better again. And you’re being very courageous, so keep applauding yourself for that. So you sabotaged your progress before by stopping the Adderall. You know better now. Make a point of formally releasing yourself from that one as soon as you start to feel bigger than it once more, so it won’t be there waiting to suck you down again the next time you feel low. Write it down, put it in a drawer somewhere: you made a mistake, you’ve done the time, and you are not allowed to punish yourself anymore for it. (This is not the same as forgiving yourself, but it will eventually turn into that if you obey the new rule.)
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