Re: Grieving the losses – AGAIN

[sdwa]

Same here. No “on paper” accomplishments, although I have accomplished many things – just not things that would count on the scorecard to anyone but me. Many episodes of depression throughout my life. Didn’t get the ADD diagnosis until I was 45, and by then so many years of misery, confusion, frustration, bad decisions, and exhaustion that I have all this emotional baggage piled on top of the ADD stuff. I could never understand how people launched careers in anything. I’d see them decide to go do something, and then do it – and I would be like – what? How did they do that? I’ve always been an outsider, watching people who were competent do things and get real jobs, as if they’d been given a magic key to a world I was permanently locked out of. Now, even though the challenges are the same, the mystery is at least solved, which is a starting point.

So, I would just add to what others have said above – there is no value in self-flagellation, or the coulda’s and shoulda’s. If you need to grieve, that’s okay, but just remember: ADD doesn’t define you. And there is no realistic way to know What Might Have Been.

I’ve found a greater sense of meaning in studying spiritual texts, and in creative projects, and also helping other people if I can. I’ve slowly developed a belief in a Creator who loves us unconditionally, and has created, and continues to create, an amazingly complex universe. The beauty of it is astounding. I’ve come to believe that being alive is itself pretty miraculous. I also know I am just a small, temporary being, so the higher values, like whether or not I’m kind to other people, or whether or not I helped someone today, matter more than how much stuff I have or my job title or how many diplomas are hanging on my wall. There is a great quote from someone, unfortunately I’m not sure who said it…the gist of it is that we’re here on this earth not to revel in our accomplishments, beauty, wealth, power, prestige, or what we own, but to bring out our own inner light, and to use it to make the world a better place.

Of course, this doesn’t help pay the rent, but it helps me keep things in perspective. What am I doing in my life that’s going to matter in a hundred years? I tend to think this is the stuff like being good to my children, so they are good to other people they encounter, and the ripple effect which comes from that. Or maybe someone was touched by my art or my writing, or maybe I said something comforting to a friend, or maybe did some kindness for a stranger that gave them hope or eased their loneliness, or maybe I just make life easier for my family. I mean, what’s life for, anyway? The greatest gifts I’ve received were acts of compassion from others.

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