Re: finding someone to share life experiences

[Anonymous]

The more I get on the forum, the more I want to shout “THANK GOD! I’M NOT ALONE!!!” I have gotten to the point where I believed I was defective. I have family members who I swear have entered a pool as to when I’m going to come out “36 year old single woman with no kids…getouttahere!” Meanwhile, I’ve had 2 cousins come out to me. I’ve told them that they owe me a debt of thanks because while everyone’s got their eye on me, they are free to run towards the rainbow flag…I kid. I even attempted internet dating for all of six days before I was completely and utterly freaked out and overwhelmed. If I had a dime for every person who said “I just don’t get it. Why are you single?” I wouldn’t need a job. I’m told I’m initmidating, and even overheard a guy at a bar a couple of weeks ago assessing me to a friend and concluding: “She looks mean.” Hmm…I mean, I didn’t sit by my beer with a crazy smile on my face, but MEAN? I dunno…I am incredibly ‘picky’ My family is LITTERED with the remains of horrible and abusive relationships and even in the best case scenario, like my own folks, someone has to say goodbye. My mom passed away after 31 years of marriage to my dad, but that dude was able to remarry within 5 years of losing my Mom and he is a HANDFUL. I also consider my weight and all of the external ‘stuff’, but I know that it’s all just excuses, if I really and truly wanted to ‘find’ someone I would play a more active role in GETTING OUT THERE. All that I’ve concluded is that the ‘problem’ is me. I meet the same type of person. The candy coating may be different, but the gooey, nugaty, douchey center is all the same. I try to chalk it up to the Universe telling me that I needed to get my own house in order. There are SO MANY things that are chaotic in my life, I think that maybe there isn’t a guy out there who wants to date both me and my “Calamity Jane” alter ego, so for now, I just take the questions, hit the gym to lose the lbs and hope for the best. Really, that’s all I can do, be good to myself or else I can never be good to or for anyone else. It all sounds very ‘new agey’ or whathaveyou, but I find that when I’m not so focused on “WHY!!!!??? AM I DESTINED TO WANDER THE EARTH ALONE LIKE CANE FROM ‘KUNG FU’?” I just focus on enjoying the things I do have cause to be honest, sharing your life with someone is great, but just having a life is pretty fantastic too.

REPORT ABUSE