Thank you so much for getting through my giant text block!
“For 10 years I had attributed my chronic disorganization and other issues in my life to my depression diagnosis. “
Absolutely. My house is a disaster, my sleeping habits are irregular, and I have trouble keeping up with daily chores. When I have been depressed, I attribute all of this to lack of motivation. When I have been hypomanic, I attribute all of this to hyperactivity and inability to finish a task. If I was not depressed or hypomanic, I attributed this to my anxiety issues. However, same old mess, empty fridge, and 4am internet trances no matter what the mood or anxiety level.
When I was a RN, I spent most of my time as med nurse. Thus, I was very singular task-focused (the patients liked this because they were the focus!). I did a great job, but I did have conflict with colleagues over time management problems. Now as a new grad NP, all of these problems have magnified. Also, in academia, I was used to one focus at a time in the tranquility of my own space.
I have done a few screening tools and seem to score borderline positive on inattentive. I am possibly underscored due to my academic determination, love for learning, and intense self-checking for careless errors. I have some hyperactivity and impulsivity traits. I have learned a lot about ADHD in my NP role and see a lot of traits in myself.
I actually hope that I have this so I can have something to treat. I am terrified that my focus problems are going to limit my career. I am currently being paid for 16 hours a week and working 30+hr just to get everything done 
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I am pretty sure my mom has ADHD. Probably my grandmother as well. I remember that when together, they would always circle the room together looking for their purses multiple times a day in addition to other traits.
How does caffeine affect you? Caffeine makes me anxious so I am worried about how the stronger stimulants will affect me. I hope so badly that is my problem because I am so frustrated. I try so hard, but I’m coming up short.
thank you! 