New professional career and having concentration problems!

[Anonymous]

Ok, I’m feeling lazy and overwhelmed so I am just going to write stream of consciousness. I have always been an excellent student. A student, so an ADD diagnosis would be out of the question, right? Well, my life has always been consumed by school. School work takes me much more time than other people. When I was a kid all I did was school work. I waste so much time every day.. just I don’t know. I am an internet addict and will lose hours on wikipedia, facebook, or BBC news. Thus, my paper just took me two days to write, versus about 6 hours for someone else. I got a A as well, but I missed out on social time and I have not been able to work and do school. So much wasted time! This is embarrassing, but I will space out in the bathroom and lose 15-45 minutes on the toilet, just thinking. Over the years, I have tried so hard to break this habit, but cannot. I cannot get to bed before midnight, no matter how early I need to wake up. I always find things to distract me, usually the internet. I am just driven by it. I call it an internet trance. I stayed up until 4am last night, reading internet news and looking at internet dating sites. Every single night, I am trying to turn over a new leaf and get my sleeping schedule together and I fail every single night.

I have trouble communicating with groups of people. I am either completely wrapped up in the conversation and observing (forgetting that I am not contributing) or I am monopolizing. If someone talks over me, then my entire thought train is derailed. My derailed thought chains are notorious. I can’t tell a formal joke or a good story because I forget the middle part or mix up the parts and confuse people or not make sense. I am better 1:1. If I hang on someone’s each and every word, I can focus pretty well. The second my mind wanders, I am gone and the person has to repeat.

What is really scary is that I got into a near fatal car accident a few months ago. I was daydreaming and ran a red light!!!! A hip broken in 4 places, 8 weeks of a wheelchair, unimaginable pain, and disability I am still recovering from (albeit, I should make a full recovery) is far too high a price for not focusing. The guy I ran into was very distressed and just kept asking me why it happened. He seemed to want to hear that I was drinking, on my cellphone, or fiddling with something. Possibly for his own peace of mind and a reason that makes sense. but no.. none of the above. I just spaced out. Even before the accident, whenever I go through an intersection, I have to repeat the light color “green green green” in my head to make sure I go or “red red red” to make sure I stop.

My main problem right now is my new job. I am a nurse practitioner!! I am very proud of myself, but have a lot of concentration and organization issues. Papers were all over my desk from day one so much that one of my colleagues jokes with me about it. I am inefficient and a terrible time manager. I am always running late and I just can’t get all of my work done! My shifts are only 6 hours because I can’t finish all the work otherwise. If it is a busy day, then I am there are 10-12 hours! My bosses need me to move my shifts to 8 and I don’t know how I am going to do this. I am doing well working 1:1 with people because I just hang on their every word, but unfortunately this is to the exclusion of everything else. Also, my interviewing style is very disorganized and I always forget to ask something! Most clients don’t mind because they appreciate the experience that I am speaking to them as human beings and not crossing off boxes on a checklist. Also, hanging off their every works makes people feel listened to and important. Sometimes, I miss ADHD in clients because I easily follow their switch in subjects. My working memory is atrocious. I cannot add simple numbers in my head because I forget the first number. I also have to write down any number that is more than 4 digits. oh almost forget, my last failed relationship. I broke up with him because I was bored. He was too quiet and I just lost interest. I can’t handle silence in conversation. I need someone to entertain me on a daily basis or I get frustrated and bored.

I am pretty sure my mom has ADHD. If you tell her something, she runs to find a piece of paper right in the middle of conversation. She then forgets you are there, and runs to her home office to add it to the list. She returns and you have to start all over again in conversation. She works at home and is so time inefficient that less than part-time work occupies an entire day. She loses her purse multiple times every day. Both of us have trouble watching TV or a movie without doing something else at the same time. We will watch a TV movie together; both with magazines in hand.

confusing variables:

-I have bipolar disorder, so it sometimes difficult to differentiate hypomanic symptoms with inattention/hyperactivity symptoms. I have been treated for years and I finally have a handle on it. I am finding that inattention= always present, hyperactivity=increased with hypomania. Just yesterday I put the washing machine in a cycle and forgot to put in the clothes! I didn’t notice until the cycle was done and there were no clothes in the machine! Why didn’t I notice the huge ball of dirty clothing on the floor when I had walked in and out of the room twice?

-caffeine and decongestants make me anxious! This right here has always ruled out ADHD in my mind, but I do know that the substances are different. The only time I need caffeine is for driving more than one hour. I get trouble focusing on the road and start falling asleep without it.

I am going to ask my PCP about trying a small dose of a long acting stimulant. I am afraid that I will get tweaked out and have a panic episode or something, but I feel like I need to try something or I may fail at my job!

not sure what I’m trying to ask in this post. Thanks for listening and allowing me to empty my mind. I had better get ready or I’ll be late for the appointment!

oh background. I am 27 year old new graduate part-time nurse practitioner and part time doctoral student.

sugargremlin because I have a completely insatiable sweet tooth. I need it every day! I’m glad I have a fast metabolism!

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[Anonymous]

Actually – one nurse to another . . . I was recently diagnosed at the age of 42. Excelled in school (because I loved it) as a child. . . but chronically messy and disorganized (always thought my brother just got all the ‘neatness” genes. . .

If you try a trial of a stimulant . . . and it calms you down . . . That’s the ADD brain chemistry !! Counter-intuitive – I know . . .but it is true. For 10 years I had attributed my chronic disorganization and other issues in my life to my depression diagnosis. . .only to figure out that I had not had a depressive relapse in 2 years but was having significant problems functioning at work with a promotion to a middle management position in health care with 100 emails a day and managing 6 programs. After being so high functioning in academia – I was falling apart with the basics (email, voicemail, carrying forward on committments. . .)

My son was diagnosed 2 years ago . . .his father was diagnosed 6 month before that . . . so we attributed the genetic link to the paternal side of the family. I was over looked – because compared to them – I was the organized one.

My job at work was close to being on the line. . so I as I was learning more about reading about ADHD for my son’s sake. . .I was recognizing more and more of the problems I was having. So I pulled a screening checklist off of CADDRA . . . and imagine that – I had many of the ADD traits.

So I trialed Concerta from my son’s meds for a week – and they made such an instant difference in my life, mind, concentration, patientce etc. . . that I went to my family doc after only four days with the screening tool and told him what I had done and what a difference it had made in my life. So – I was off to a psychiatrist for the formal diagnosis and dose titration. Although I am still working on the dose and timing right now – it had improved my work life by 75%.

To tie up the last 25% – I have just engaged with a ADD Coach to work on changing the dysfunctional work strategies into ADD friendly ones.

DO yourself a favor – pull off a screening tool – and take it to your family doc. Trial the meds. . . They are short acting – you know if they are working or not after a very short time . . .

If you are nervous – try the meds out on a Saturday first – so you know how they affect you. With COncerta and an ADD brain – if you get sedated – you have too much. . . if you feel calmer and more focused – it is working.

It has made a huge difference in my professional life and my parenting skills (patience) with my ADHD son . . .

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[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for getting through my giant text block!

“For 10 years I had attributed my chronic disorganization and other issues in my life to my depression diagnosis. “

Absolutely. My house is a disaster, my sleeping habits are irregular, and I have trouble keeping up with daily chores. When I have been depressed, I attribute all of this to lack of motivation. When I have been hypomanic, I attribute all of this to hyperactivity and inability to finish a task. If I was not depressed or hypomanic, I attributed this to my anxiety issues. However, same old mess, empty fridge, and 4am internet trances no matter what the mood or anxiety level.

When I was a RN, I spent most of my time as med nurse. Thus, I was very singular task-focused (the patients liked this because they were the focus!). I did a great job, but I did have conflict with colleagues over time management problems. Now as a new grad NP, all of these problems have magnified. Also, in academia, I was used to one focus at a time in the tranquility of my own space.

I have done a few screening tools and seem to score borderline positive on inattentive. I am possibly underscored due to my academic determination, love for learning, and intense self-checking for careless errors. I have some hyperactivity and impulsivity traits. I have learned a lot about ADHD in my NP role and see a lot of traits in myself.

I actually hope that I have this so I can have something to treat. I am terrified that my focus problems are going to limit my career. I am currently being paid for 16 hours a week and working 30+hr just to get everything done .

I am pretty sure my mom has ADHD. Probably my grandmother as well. I remember that when together, they would always circle the room together looking for their purses multiple times a day in addition to other traits.

How does caffeine affect you? Caffeine makes me anxious so I am worried about how the stronger stimulants will affect me. I hope so badly that is my problem because I am so frustrated. I try so hard, but I’m coming up short.

thank you!

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[Anonymous]

Reading your posts makes me laugh. I was recently diagnosed with ADD at age 55, and it explains so much about my life. I am so easily distracted. My psychologist and I get some huge laughs at some of the things I do, and my kids love it. The other day, I called my daughter to say hi. As I was dialing I felt confused like I hadn’t done something and remembered as we started talking. We had a great laugh over the fact that I couldn’t remember telling my mother goodbye when talking to her an hour before we talked. Of course, I hadn’t. I got distracted while talking and apparently just laid the phone down somewhere and did something else. All I can say is that it is very good that I can laugh about it, because I would be really disturbed if I couldn’t. I recently went back to college and to work which is a challenge, but so worthwhile.

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[Anonymous]

Humor is extremely important! and kudos to you for going back to school and work! It sounds like you trampled an enormous life barrier to do this!

I have called people and forgotten whom I called until I heard the voice on the other end! I now double check the name and say it once to myself before calling. I was far too embarrassed to call someone and then ask whom I was talking to!

My mom will walk away from a conversation to go into her office to write a note about something she does not want to forget and then forget to come back and finish the conversation.

If I did that to my mom, she would be ready to call the police to do a welfare check!!!

Life is certainly rarely ever vanilla!!

My appointment never happened because I got the date confused >_<. I forgot that I had rescheduled it for a few weeks later. I added both the appointments to my day planner, but forgot to cross out the old appointment date.

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[Anonymous]

sugargremlin,

You sound a lot like me. I take hours longer to prepare my day’s work for my students and to assess and grade it than any other teacher I’ve ever met. My colleagues walk out the door hours before me everyday with empty arms while I still have to carry home work to complete! While I’m driving, I look at the traffic lights and think, “It’s green. Green! Green? What does green mean? Go? Stop? Think! think!” Then other times after I’ve just driven through an intersection I panic and wonder what colour the light had been. Had I just run a red? I quickly check my rear view mirror and am pleased to see a string of cars following me so I know I was on the green.

It’s a terribly stressful time for me at work right now due to a colleague issueand I’d more than anything just like to go off on a holiday! Walk away from it all. The work issues: someone else is having problems and they’ve decided to rain on my parade. Can I complain about it? No, the colleague is a best personal friend of my ‘boss’. It’s the end of the year and I’ve still got a unit of work to plough through. A huge chunk of my report card writing needs to be completed this weekend because our school board wants them FINISHED 3 weeks earlier this year!! (So what will be be ‘teaching’ for the last 4 weeks if all the reports are signed/sealed in envelopes ready for handing out??!!! How to best warm a bench?)

Anyway, kids have been away so they’ve got missed tests and assessments that now have to be individually administered, I’ve meetings to attend re: my special needs students with stacks of reports needing to be readied and several hugely distractable students with major LDs to contend with (oh yes, they are unmedicated ADHDers). And those students aren’t even my legally identified special need students.

So now it’s my lunch break and I decide I’m actually going to sit down and eat something for once, a quick bite, a container of yogourt. Somehow or other, I end up taking home the full lunch that my husband so kindly prepares for me each day. I mean, when would I have time to sit down and eat on a regular day in my life? Why my hubby hasn’t given up on making a lunch for me each day baffles me. So I sit down at my desk, awash in layers of tests, reports for meeting, lesson work to still be done that day and up walks Mr. ADHD. “Wow, you sure have a lot of papers piled up your desk everywhere! It’s covered!!”

My thoughts at that moment were less than kind. 👿 Somehow or other I refrained from murder and quietly asked him to return to his desk to eat HIS lunch. (Are you able to tell this particular student is the one who consistently finds my Achilles heel?) I’ve had students who were actually much more ADHD but for some reason, this one has totally destroyed any of my own adaptations for dealing with my ADHD issues. He is pure Kryptonite.

I say all this because I hear you when you say that it takes you hours longer to complete your work. My desk during the day? A mound of papers waiting to erupt like Mt. Vesuvius. Like you, I was an ‘A’ student. On Thursday, I told my principal that I’ve applied for other positions within our school board. I decided that the stress from employee X is more than I can bear to deal with for another year along with just trying to do my job well.

The feel good moment is the “What can I do to make you stay?” My employers have always loved me because they say I’m one of the best teachers they’ve met.

Internally, I’m embarrassed when I hear that. How can I accept hearing that because I know exactly what I have to go through each day to appear to be “an excellent teacher”. A real excellent teacher would be much better organized. I’m stressed beyond words because I’ve done 2 interviews in two days and have another at 7:00 am on Tuesday morning (before I even start work at my school).

I’m easily qualified for all of them but would much prefer one of the positions, but with a big BUT. It was one I held previously but left because I was having physical issues that my PCP kept brushing off (she thought I was a ‘head case/bi-polar’ that needed to go back on meds- reality, a pancreatic tumour occupying most of my abdomen. Surprise, surprise, I am alive still).

The big BUT is that the position is an hour and 15 min drive (each way) from my home. When you take hours longer than everyone else to prepare for the next day…..the extra driving time becomes an important consideration. My current drive is 15 minutes each way.

Our brains are certainly different than the rest of the world. I’d love to walk out the door with everyone else but it just isn’t going to happen. My employers all KNOW that I’m ADHD and haven’t given me any problems over it. In fact, I’ve never been asked to lead a grade level team. The ‘bosses’ seem to sense it would be my undoing and work with me on it. I mean, however would I be able to lead and manage 6 others when I’m spinning in circles on my own?

Instead, I’m given all the extra needy kids and the SpecEd ones because they know I LOVE those challenges and LOVE those kids. They drive the other teachers insane because they so often just don’t get it. We don’t try to annoy others by our behaviours, it just happens.

So I try to be kind to myself by acknowledging that I do have some strengths. Just not the same ones as everyone else. Why, that would be boring anyway, wouldn’t it?

Meds have been wonderful for me. They certainly didn’t make my ADHD go away but they certainly slowed my brain down enough to allow me to get a bit more organized and to catch myself when I’m getting caught up in the wrong activity or straying down the wrong path. It’s almost like I’m able to sit on my own shoulder and ‘see’ what I’m doing right or even better- what I’m doing wrong. When I catch myself going off on a tangent, it’s a whole lot easier to get myself refocussed on the right thing.

Meds help me get focussed, and refocussed and refocussed again and again. But at least it happens more and more frequently as I work on that skill.

I use Concerta 72 mg each day and can use ‘regular’ Ritalin to top me up when I have important things to accomplish in the evening. Like writing report cards or sitting through an opera (however do I get roped into them?). In fact, I found out post-meds that opera isn’t really painful as I thought it to be. LOL It was just having to sit still and quiet for so long that was the problem.

As you know, there are different categories of ADHD meds, with one type working for some and not for others and vice versa. My psychiatrist informed me that I was misdiagnosed by the first 2 psychiatrists I’ve dealt with over the years. I was NEVER bipolar, just a whopping case of ADHD. Luckily for the world, the first 2 are now retired. Hopefully, the new younger docs are more well-versed on ADHD and its presentation in adults. Is your psychiatrist (not the PCP) a specialist in ADHD? If I’m not mistaken mine had mentioned that ADHD can be treated in conjunction with BP as long as the symptoms of the latter were well-controlled. (He deals primarily with ADHD patients and BPs).

Good luck! We’re all in the same leaky canoe, paddling as fast as we can.

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[Anonymous]

thank you so much for the very thoughtful response!

I relate so much to your hours problem!!! yesterday, I was the last one to leave work (an actually decent sized workplace). Last person needs to set the alarm. and i forgot how!!! embarrassing. that is just the kind of thing I cannot remember. So I had to call the office manager and eventually just told me to go home >_<. It is actually kind of scary to be there alone. I guess better that I cannot take home the work because I would and then spend even more time! I will suck up as much time as I have for work/school activities.

I also relate to the homicidal rage inspiring student . When I was a RN, there was this very antisocial personality patient. He watched people to learn their rhythms and find the very most penetrating subtle insults. He made some choice comments to me about the constant running back and forth that I do and how much time it wastes >_<.

I bet you are an amazing teacher! There is something to be said about prioritizing everything. While it turns into a whirlpool of a mess, somethings you catch things that no one else will catch. I am looking for a balance. Also you might save handfuls of students every year from frustrating lives of academic failure! I’m sure a ton of people on this board would have been saved years of grief it they had had you for a teacher growing up!

so glad you beat a pancreatic tumor!!!!!

I do have pretty clear bipolar disorder. After years of having it, I am seeing some trends which are not mood dependent. Right now I am completely mood stable, but the chaos is still here! I always feel like my life is a thread from coming undone or I am barely keeping stuff together. I always thought that the bipolar disorder is what would eventually doom my career, but here I am mood stable and unable to get my work done! I will lose this job if I cannot do the 8s and staying past 7pm is not an option because you literally will be by yourself in a large building.

I do have a psychiatrist and a PCP. I can’t get in with my psychiatrist for over a month, so I had hoped to bring this up at a PCP appointment I already scheduled for another reason. I need to start working these 8s ASAP. Everyone, including me, will be really nervous to try this because I have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder! Throwing in a stimulant seems like the worst thing to do, right? Perhaps, part of the anxiety is my wandering brain. I have long considered that the anxiety hinders my ability to concentrate. However, my concentration is the same or even worse when I am relaxed.

lol on the leaky canoe.

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