Re: I don't know what to do with my life

[sdwa]

What you described sounds exactly like…ADHD. I have had similar experiences. Time expands and contracts…it’s a major hassle just to get through the day…everything feels chaotic and exhausting. I think a lot of us can end up feeling like we’re failures or inherently just plain weird because we’re not in synch with the rest of the workaday world, and we can’t get ourselves in synch with it no matter what we do, or only in short bursts. One thing I’ve learned is that the Inner Critic who is always berating me for everything I fail to do…is not my friend.

About meds: I think medication is awesome. It can have weird side effects, and might be necessary to experiment with different drugs to find out which one works best for you and/or your kid. I tried 3 or 4 until I got the right drug in the right dosage. Anti-depressants helped me with depression where nothing else ever had, and stimulants helped me with motivation and tuning in and calming down. (I don’t care what your husband’s fears are about medication – you need to do what helps you. If you don’t want to tell him what you’re taking, don’t. He’s got nothing to say about how you choose to take care of yourself – none of his business. With your child, he can have opinion, but for you and your own medical care, no.)

About getting organized: The lack of motivation can put a real damper on the most basic upkeep activities. One thing I’ve found that works is visualization exercises, which they talk about in a book called “4 Weeks to an Organized Life.” I liked the first 10 days the best, now I’m getting kind of hung up on their exercises and following along more loosely. In the first week, though, basically they have you visualize in detail 3 – 5 things that you need to do that day. I found that when I could picture clearly what I needed to get done, like paying a bill, as if I were there doing it, like on a movie screen, with all the scents and sounds imagined as well, I could easily remember to do those activities later, and could do them quickly and more easily than usual.

I tend to get stuck and give up when I’m not sure how to do things, and I guess it’s pretty common with ADHD to not get any sort of mental buzz from accomplishing things, which supposedly “normal” people do get.

One thing I know for sure is no assortment of calendars or planners will ever work for me, no lists or post-its or bulletin boards…because I’m a visual/global thinker, not a linear thinker. Trying to do it the methodical way is like a left-handed person trying to use right-handed scissors. Why do it the hard way?

About the kid stuff: I have a son in 7th grade who also has ADHD. It’s almost impossible to get him to do homework – he doesn’t care about it. No amount of nagging or restriction of activities is going to change that. He needs to be excited and interested, and when he is, he’s unstoppable. I try to support his interests, whatever they are. The school is not much help at all, really. They don’t get it. He also refuses to take his medication because he feels stigmatized by having to take it. He’s easier to be around when he does take it, and I guess he knows I feel that way, so he refuses. He needs to feel there is a benefit to him not to us, after all. I wish there were more resources out there for kids to share their experiences on their own level. Sadly a lot of what’s out there for kids is pretty condescending and clueless.

Dealing with this stuff, for me, anyway, is about learning to let myself be who I am and making it easier to be me, rather than trying to be someone else.

I never knew what to do with my life either, could never figure out a good reason I could stick with, or sense of purpose or direction. I think this is partly due to many external expectations about what I could or should be, which I’ve internalized. What I really want to do is make ugly things pretty and disorganized things logical, which is what I’d naturally be doing if I didn’t feel like I should do something “important.” The distance between the outer expectations and the inner subjective reality is pretty far. I’m trying to learn to be OK with just BEING, not trying to rush around so much trying to justify my existence, not feeling like I should have won a Nobel Peace Prize when I care barely find my socks in the morning. I’m letting myself experiment with it just being OK to take a hot bath, to relax, to find quiet time alone, to take a walk, blow bubbles at the bus stop, and not produce anything…to just let myself breathe, and then when I’m ready if I WANT to do something, I will. Most of what most people do in life is not that monumental, really, anyway.

REPORT ABUSE