Re: Successful ADDers annoy the h*ll out of me.

[munchkin]

It’ so weird how when you feel really really disappointed about something that didn’t work out, it just becomes absolutely unbearable to be around people who have succeeded at that thing. No matter how irrational – it just hurts, and there’s no way around it.

I built up my expectations around being a musician so so so high, and when I couldn’t make a living at it, and played nights, while slaving at my day job, I would be on stage with people who were “making it” and it poisoned me. I just got so sick of being around people who seemed to have privileges and advantages that helped them succeed, but believed their success was because of what a great character they had, and that other people’s failures were due to their poor character and “non-winning” attitude. No mention of their having the money, connections, lucky timing, free time and top of the line equipment that helped their talent and great attitude along the way… (no doubt they WERE talented)

It got so bad, I literally smashed my instrument in frustration, quit playing, and felt that those people were going to drive me off a cliff if I had to hear their attitudes and judgemental comments anymore.

I think I may have overcome this problem, over years of experience, seeing the naivety of people and lack of malice in their ignorance, I just think – well, they’re missing the point, but it’s their life – they have to go by the information/experience they’ve seen and know not what they do… I try to think: Bless the privileged – I would prefer not to know suffering, and if I had kids, I would rather they had an easy life, even if it made them a little more shallow. I wouldn’t wish struggle on anyone.

Still – when I go to certain live music concerts, I just find myself going outside for a smoke. I just can’t bear the bitterness inside. I own it – it’s just a mistake I made in having an “entitlement” attitude toward musical success – like a gambling addict who always thinks they’re going to win this time… I don’t know the answer, but I keep searching my soul to find peace and acceptance that there is no such thing as “fair,” and it’s not anyone’s fault.

-Munch

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