Re: Successful ADDers annoy the h*ll out of me.

[sdwa]

Everyone’s different. I’m more the introverted type, content to be alone much of the time (although not all of the time, I still want people around.) I was never the outgoing, hob-nobbing, schmoozing social butterfly with a million light-hearted acquaintances…more the type to be very close to one or two people and not need more. That’s just who I am. For me to go out and “market” myself is exhausting, takes hours to psych up for, and is just not my strength, even if I could learn to fake it, I would hate it and be miserable doing it. I do the creative, behind-the-scenes stuff, and don’t enjoy being in the spotlight – it makes me uncomfortable, while others seem to enjoy it. We live in a culture where charisma and working the crowd get rewarded.

I think it’s wrong that being “shy” or introverted is treated like some sort of pathology.

I used to paint…and got together a pretty intense body of work over a four-year period, got into a couple of juried art exhibitions, but I never got around to getting a solo gallery show, which I wanted and felt would have validated my existence….And for a long time, I couldn’t look at other people who were producing great work or getting shows without feeling bad about myself. But I got over it, because recognition wouldn’t have a lasting internal effect. It would be nice, but I think it would feel kind of empty, or I’d start worrying if I could keep getting that attention. All that “outer” stuff – framed certificates on the wall, awards, articles in the newspaper, degrees, credentials, fancy possessions – none of it would make me any more ME than I already am. And then I started asking myself: Do I really even want to do this work, or why am I doing it, and what does the process mean to me? Engaging with the process can put me into a state of flow. It can also be frustrating. It can be emotionally challenging. But I live in the moment, so the quality of the moment is what matters. At the core of it all, though, I think I’ve struggled most with the feeling that I have to earn the right to exist, have to find some way of proving that I was worthy of being born – and that feeling is a real buzz-kill when it comes to enjoying life.

What would it be like to just BE, and have that be okay?

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