Tiddler,
Well, I guess I could freeze the year, and than try again next year.. I just hope things will be better than, as you said.. I talked with a real good friend, she said that it would only make me more frustrated.. Still I fill like I really need a good rest. It worries me just that life is going by, and all I am doing is losing time and crying over spilt milk… Really need to go to a doctor, seriously.. 
thanks a lot for respond!