Reply To: Question about happiness

[shutterbug55]

Happiness? I remember being “happy” a few times.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t walk around in a constant fog of dispair, or depression. Although that can happen, if I go off my meds for any length of time. As far back as I can remember, I have never been really happy. Never at peace, and certainly never content.

I grew up with 2 older brothers and one older sister. My parents, when not voicing their displeasure about my most recent misadventure, they were ignoring me. I am sure in their own way, they loved me but they didn’t know how to communicate with me at all. For the most part, my older sister translated for me.

I went into the military during the Viet Nam war, and with a little luck and a singleness of purpose, I rose through the ranks. They recognized I was a natural leader and put me in charge of a flight. Rank and merit increases followed. No matter how successful I was, there was always something other people around me had, that I didn’t. I left as a Chief Master Sargent.

After retiring, I was lost again. Been lost ever since. instead of being rewarded for what I am, it seems like I am punished.

I am working on the whole ADD thing, and I know what I feel, and how I react to those around me is because of ADD. I know I think differently than other people. Not because I am smart, or dumb, just different. It has gotten to the point where I have been apart from groups so long, I avoid them. Even though I want to be a part of them. That make sense?

I am pretty sure I was not put on this earth to be “happy”. I don’t know why I  am here, but that is definitely not it.

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