Question about happiness

[Takingbacktyler]

Hi Folks.
I am new to this board. My story is under the ” my story ” section It is posted under the title ” A journey i am just starting”.

I have quickly come to realize that the people in my life that really love me and want to help really cant. I cant seem to properly explain what ADHD is like well enough to get good advice. Or maybe it cant be percieved without having it clearly.
Anyways how do you folks handle your happiness with ADHD. If a job pays the bills but doesent suite who you are, stresses you out, not compatible with ADHD do you leave? Do you stay?
Do you put comfort with this condition above all else?

Any insight into this would be awesome.

Thanks

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[Amy]

What’s your definition of happiness?

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[shutterbug55]

Happiness? I remember being “happy” a few times.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t walk around in a constant fog of dispair, or depression. Although that can happen, if I go off my meds for any length of time. As far back as I can remember, I have never been really happy. Never at peace, and certainly never content.

I grew up with 2 older brothers and one older sister. My parents, when not voicing their displeasure about my most recent misadventure, they were ignoring me. I am sure in their own way, they loved me but they didn’t know how to communicate with me at all. For the most part, my older sister translated for me.

I went into the military during the Viet Nam war, and with a little luck and a singleness of purpose, I rose through the ranks. They recognized I was a natural leader and put me in charge of a flight. Rank and merit increases followed. No matter how successful I was, there was always something other people around me had, that I didn’t. I left as a Chief Master Sargent.

After retiring, I was lost again. Been lost ever since. instead of being rewarded for what I am, it seems like I am punished.

I am working on the whole ADD thing, and I know what I feel, and how I react to those around me is because of ADD. I know I think differently than other people. Not because I am smart, or dumb, just different. It has gotten to the point where I have been apart from groups so long, I avoid them. Even though I want to be a part of them. That make sense?

I am pretty sure I was not put on this earth to be “happy”. I don’t know why I  am here, but that is definitely not it.

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[Bibliophile]

Anyways how do you folks handle your happiness with ADHD. If a job pays the bills but doesn’t suit who you are, stresses you out, not compatible with ADHD do you leave? Do you stay?

I am in a situation where my career, librarian, is not particularly suited to being ADHD. That being said, my present position as a solo allows for a greater variety of tasks so the work is not too mundane. I have been doing this for over eleven years now. I usually end up putting in way more hours than I am paid for just to get the work done. Many days are also quite boring which makes doing the work a chore.

I am not sure what else I would do. I tried cooking for a living, but I lack the time co-ordination skills to multitask effectively at that and the pay is quite low.

All I can say is that sometimes you just have to put up with it until an epiphany strikes.

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[Takingbacktyler]

Shutterbug- What a story. I Thank you for sharing. I can relate to how you feel with groups. I get this odd feeling when I meet new people that i have a sign hanging from my kneck that says ” im odd”. I guess it shows in how i act around them to. However i love to be around people. It sucks for sure.

I guess I struggle with what Happiness means with this condition. I love my wife more than anything in this world but i cant quit my job because i am married and i have responsibilities. Does having ADHD make it ok to take yourself out of a sucky job to make youself better but make you spouses life more stressful? I really dont know how to define what the ” right ” thing is.

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[Robbo]

Oh cool,

I don’t have time to read all of this thread so I may not sound like I know what you’re talking about here. That’s cuz I don’t. But you reminded me to get a new book called. “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Achor. I discovered this goody dude on PBS, just like I discovered Rick an Patrick.

PS. I got that new DVD in the mail last friday. Only watched it once and I can tell you for sure that it’s worth all of what I paid for it. In fact Much MUCH more “-)

ADD and Mastering It.  It’s packed full of solutions, solutions and more solutions. Real cool stuff. A dang Master piece of work. bbl. to read some.

PPS I came to a screeching halt next to your post friend. <<“As far back as I can remember, I have never been really happy. Never at peace, and certainly never content.”>> … okay, I was just checking to see what threads are being talked about. 🙂 But I read your post and realized that you were talking about my experience quit a bit. Thanks for still being here man!. I need folks around who really understand how painful it is to have this crap ass ADHD bull.

It sux but tit gets better, hones.

Just don’t laugh, Laughter is a sure sine that you’re beginning to lighten up some. Okay, go ahead. Laugh. Hopefully Rick will make some more funny videos.

Cmon Rick!!! pump out some more videos!!!

Entertain us!!!!. We’re hurting.. No pressure my friend. 🙂

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[Robbo]

@shutterbug55 Thanks for sharing about your experiences. They’re truly valuable. Beyond my ability to communicate. But you dudes know this. Thanks for helping me leg go of my daughter back when I was hurting about her moving so very far away. She’s almost in Canada!. Well that just scares the crap outa me. Does anything good happen in Canada? lol. I’m a Ca. surfer dude and lately it’s been way down in the 20’s for crying out loud. I are a real sissy, huh? Don’t answer that.

@Bibliophile. Thanks for showing how to work that quote thingy. Pholks like mua appreciate it when folks like you come and help us lern to write better. No kidden. Take it from me, I’m very kid-like. It’s a good thing I told ya I’m a lil bit immature cuz it’s not very obvious when you read what I’ve said huh?

don’t answer that!

Dang.

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[Fabulous]

Fabulous things happen in Canada. 🙂

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[Phil, Just Phil.]

Hey Tyler, welcome.

Wow, another post sounding familiar.

I too am married, with three little ones no less, and as the working half for now I find myself stuck in a job to pay the bills.  Not getting anywhere, in 10 years I have moved up about 4 pay grades when I probably should be up about 8-10.

I am currently looking at doing University, thinking of a not very ADD friendly one in accounting, but I do all the accounts payable stuff here in addition to managing all service faults and doing anything and everything that is alittle off centre or requires some original thought.  The rest of the crew here just go gaga and haven’t got a clue how to get it done.  But my paperwork is a mess, get the results screw the reports.

So I think bettering yourself is always a good thing, but remember that yopu are just one half of a whole and you need to be on this journey with your wife.

Speaknig of wives, does she share and support your diagnosis?  This is a crucial thing and I am working on it right now, stricking the balance between, “it’s an excuse” and “I really need your help” because you can’t use it to escape your responsibilities, nor should you beat yourself up because of the way you are wired.

Where am I going with this????  I am not really sure but YES better yourself, but beware of dsoing too much too soon and placing too much pressure on your other (better??) half, she is already stressed I’d say and you need her buy in on any journey you wich to take.  Makes it all much easier.

 

BTW, what do you want to do??

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

Complete happiness is something so elusive that you only realize you were completely happy, AFTER the fact.

If you keep striving for happiness, you’ll be disappointed a lot.  But, if you strive for *contentment*, you’ll find it often enough that you’ll find happiness too.

For me, contentment comes from being appreciated, from having a purpose or goal that you’re working towards, and from knowing that you have *some* control over a situation & over your life—Not *total* control, but *enough* control.

I achieved contentment almost by accident.  I started to think like a psychologist.  When something made me feel or react very strongly, I’d stop and try to figure out WHY.  Once I’d figured out WHY, I could figure out HOW to either prevent it from happening again, or HOW to recognize it happening and minimize its impact on me.

So, instead of being helplessly tossed around by situations and emotions, I learned that I could do something about them.  The systems & structures I created don’t always work perfectly, but they work often *enough* and well *enough*.

But I had to come up with them when I was ready to.  Like most of us, I found the idea of having to build & stick to all these systems & structures was too overwhelming to even comprehend!

But, when I got fed up with the stress & anxiety & frustration of constantly screwing-up whenever I tried to do something, I’d figure out how to stop screwing-up every time I tried to do it.  Just like an addict has to hit rock-bottom before being ready to try to change.

It’s so simple!  (yeah, right…)

 

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

One of the most interesting things I heard at the CHADD conference in San Francisco was the suggestion by someone, (I’m not sure who, and I apologize for not knowing) that people with ADHD are never happy. The best they seem to experience is ‘relief’.

That so resonated.

Not joy at the end of the project, or quiet pride and savouring the accomplishment. But relief that it’s done.

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[Robbo]

It’s all relative.

🙂  Mostly I feel happy. Then I don’t. Then it gets different.

But mostly I feel happy lately.

***smirk***

What I been doing. I think it’s working. It’s the listening, and not caring so much about me that’s workin.

n Robbo slinks away…

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[Bibliophile]

that people with ADHD are never happy. The best they seem to experience is ‘relief’.

That is so true. I am just happy to be able to move on from something that it isn’t happiness at the end, but a sigh of relief from having to do it. I think this is especially true for longer projects; shorter ones offer immediate gratification and are much more rewarding.

Incidentally, in the latest happiness ranking, Canada placed 6th.

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[Takingbacktyler]

Mckray – You bring up a very interesting point. My wife is still in the ” getting it” stage i think. I am semi- paranoid about the high divorce rate among people with ADHD so i try to voice my appreciation for her bearing with me alot. She claims that its very easy to be married to me. Perhaps it is the way we offset each other, im not really sure. To her as long as im happy she doesent really care about much else ( relatively speaking).

I am very worried about the pressure I am putting on myself. whats me and whats ADHD? I guess im not so sure.

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[wawabyjohnah]

Interestingly I found this topic tonight when I can’t sleep- it’s like 1am here- and I was thinking about how bored I am with my life atm. Not sure if that means I’m unhappy, I suppose it does.  I want some excitement in my life but no idea how to go about changing things to do this. I like my job, it is an ok match for me and I  love helping the families I work with- but is becoming very repetitive and I end up sitting on the computer all day doing nothing. Everything I do in my spare time is basically the same as I’ve done for years- even though I love doing those things, they are so ‘normal’ to me that they just blend in.  It’s very depressing 🙁

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