PMS

[Galadriel724]

AAAAAARGH!!!!
That is my basic description of my mental state at this point. I have managed to keep it together pretty well this week, but this month happens to be one of the worst I’ve had when it comes to PMS making my ADHD symptoms worse, my adderall less effective and me just being overwhelmed.
I usually can shake it off. This month I am overstimulated by everything. I actually hate everything right now. Not related to anything specific, just….. All of it

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[Scattybird]

The only thing to do when you feel like that is go to bed with a mug of hot chocolate, a box of chocolates, a box of tissues, some weepy movies and some comedy DVDs and put a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door.

If that’s not practical, then avoid contact with others so you don’t end up apologising for the rest of the month, try to think positive thoughts and buy yourself little edible treats.  In my experience edible treats are good – other non-disposable treats when bought in that frame of mind usually turn out to be a disaster – at least in my experience. Even my dress sense changes when I’m like that so I don’t buy clothes and anything else just sits there as a continual reminder of my bad mood!

Hope you soon feel better.

 

PS – check out Rick’s Harlem Shuffle and Immature videos. They will make you feel better.

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[Galadriel724]

I agree on the staying away from people thing whole heartedly. Unfortunately there is a dinner that my boyfriend and I are supposed to attend at his parents. I like his parents, and they like me, but I have not gotten to the point where I am comfortable letting my guard down, so this is not a good day.
When my PMS hits I have a problem with going blank when expected to take part in a conversation- something that is never a problem for me other times of the month. I am usually the person who thinks with their mouth with no shortage of words. I know that some people with ADHD have that problem all the time and I have a better understanding of what they must go through on a daily basis.
Anyway, I asked my boyfriend to tell them that I was sick, and he told me that it would actually be a problem, and since he told me that I am never obligated to say yes when they invite us, I don’t understand why this is such an issue. And, btw, I do NOT feel as if I can say no to going to dinner there, ever. He presents the request and then tells me it is up to me. So I feel like I am keeping him from seeing his parents if I say no. He is an only child and she is your typical jewish mom- food is love, and honestly if I was his mom I’d want to see him as much as possible too. I have explained it but he doesn’t get it. I also told him that for me, as I tend to be really shy and have trouble dealing with family stuff that requires sitting still, it is a lot of work emotionally for me to do this and that every time drains me. He knows I think his mom and dad are supercool, but doesn’t seem to think that he is putting me in a bind by making it my decision whether or not he gets to see his family.
So, now I have his anxiety and stress over what he considers to be blowing them off. I asked him what his reaction would be if I was physically ill and throwing up or something, and he thinks that is different. He is being pretty passive aggressive IMHO. I am trying to ignore that and let it be his issue.
I’m just trying to get the minimum done today so that I can function tmw….
On the up side, my body tells me that I am about to go from PMS to MS in about a day, so hopefully this week will be more productive at work. I get a lot done in the first 2 weeks of my cycle, moderate amounts my 3rd week, and spend the 4th just trying to not get behind….

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[Scattybird]

It seems pretty awkward. It sounds like you’re going to have to go to dinner. If his Mom is indeed supercool, maybe you should just tell her you’re feeling off colour with a bad headache and say you’re sorry if you don’t seem as chatty as normal. Then try to smile lots and say little. If they have any empathy they should make you feel comfortable so it wouldn’t be an issue. You could enjoy the distraction of being out without the stress of having to be chatty. His Mom ought to understand. If your problem is going blank when in conversation, that can be brushed off with the headache excuse. It’s when PMS leads to impulsive anger that it becomes more of a problem.

There was a discussion on the radio this week about how some women never feel they can say  ‘no’. So for example, when a neighbour asks if you can babysit because the mother wants to go to a health spa and the father wants to play golf….and you say yes even though you don’t have time….and then resentment builds in your mind. Someone in the discussion said that in this example, the person being asked should just have said ‘no’. But the reasons for not saying no are likely to revolve around not wanting to be hated by the neighbours etc. Someone in the discussion said that in that situation if the neighbours were annoyed at the ‘no’ answer it was their emotion and not the fault of the person who said no. I’m not explaining this very well.  I suppose what I am saying is that once in a while you should be able to say ‘no’ and not feel guilty. If your boyfriend is annoyed, it’s his emotion and he’s responsible for that, not you. You shouldn’t need to feel guilty if you don’t feel up to going to dinner every once in a while.

Surely he can go without you? If not, he’s being a bit possessive surely? However, I am not qualified to comment about relationships – I hate feeling like I am being controlled so I tend to have a bit of oppositional stuff going on so ignore what I say!

But, if one has never suffered from PMS then I doubt there can be any understanding at all. It’s a difficult thing to explain.

It’s difficult. On balance I’d tell his Mom you don’t feel well and you’ve made the effort to turn up but apologise for being quiet. Then after this, you need to have a chat with your boyfriend about the physicality of how you feel so he doesn’t just put it down to emotional stuff since he might be more likely to understand that….and he needs to feel he can visit his parents on his own sometimes or he’s controlling you.

But wait until the PMS has gone before you discuss any of this in case it’s the wrong thing to do.

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[Galadriel724]

Things turned out better than I hoped on all fronts. I put my foot down and said no. Decided that all things considered I actually felt crummier than I would if I had a bad headache. Then I went out for a little while. Had to refill my meds anyway, before they ran out for once.
The discussion had stopped when he got annoyed with me interrupting him every 5 seconds ( I do that on a good day- today worse). When I got back he told me that he was going, which I had wanted. When he called he told them I didn’t feel well, and looked terrible, and had gone to lay down but that he wasn’t going to wake me if I fell asleep. Turns out that everyone else had cancelled for various reason (bug going around?). So he is having dinner and watching a movie with them.
He has a tendency to have some initial responses that are a little ridiculous. He also has ADHD, and just started treatment, so we butt heads and need to go to our quiet places and chill out for a while.
The PMS is a major cause for any argument we’ve had. He gets overwhelmed easily, and when it’s that week, I have a tendency to follow him and keep talking until I feel like I’ve explained everything that is pertinent about the topic I’ve picked. I also have no delay or filter, and realize that I’ve interrupted only after. A lot of these issues are also ones that he needs to work on, and he is. I have good reason to blame the PMS for the major blow ups though, because it doesn’t happen every month, but every time he has yelled at me, it was when I was doing the above, and was always the week before my period.
I am thinking of going back on birth control pills. I got an IUD and went off of them a few yrs back. If there is a low dose one that will help, I guess I need to.

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[Scattybird]

It is more complicated if he is also ADHD.  I am glad it worked out OK. In my experience PMS was always a bigger curse than anything ADHD threw at me and certainly made the latter worse. It took a long time for me to have the presence of mind to try to keep quiet at that time of the month. Not sure what the answer is but at that time you must get sleep and eat properly etc. being tired is just another factor.  Must go or will be late for work.

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[Amy]

Hysterectomy.  Best.  Surgery.  Ever.

I never had PMS all *that* bad (or at least I think I didn’t – my husband may have thought otherwise), but the pain was intolerable.  I was already starting at 36 to go into periomenopause too.  I have lived with the pain my whole life, but it just got to the point where it was completely unbearable.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I have nothing to offer from personal experience.

But I am officially making June about Women and ADHD here on the site. We’ll line up experts and blogs on all of the issues that face women, including… Uh, okay, what would you like us to cover?

Your wish is my command.

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[Patte Rosebank]

All those monthly jitters, etc., have (at the very least) taught me some very interesting new words, none of which can be used in polite company.  And the jitters are worse when your employer schedules you for a couple of shifts that require you to be up long before the sun.

Oh, yay…

 

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[Scattybird]

🙂

I wonder how I’ve kept my job.

PMS + ADHD (with a deal of impulsiveness) + a bit of ODD = ticking time bomb.

 

Rick – how about covering (partly) the added emotional problems linked with the expectation that women should be able to keep house, look after kids, work for a living and be organised?

I bet Superwoman didn’t have ADHD. On the other hand she might have, because she only had one outfit which suggests she kept losing the rest of her clothes or didn’t have time to do the washing….or hated shopping for clothes…..

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[Galadriel724]

Since I had been on hormonal birth control since age 17, I had not experienced PMS ever, and had thought it was a bunch of whining. Then about 6 months after I stopped the pill it occurred to me that the only time I called in sick, I was hiding under the covers, didn’t feel all that bad physically, and that it was every 4 weeks.
It has gotten worse.
I have been procrastinating finding a PCP in the area I moved to, and going in general. So, this has not been addressed due to that procrastination.
I guess that will be my homework for the webinar. Tomorrow is my day off and I will find a PCP on my insurance’s website and make an appt.
Hold me accountable!

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[Scattybird]

Hi Galadriel724 – so?…….did you find a PCP???

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[Galadriel724]

I did when I saw the reminder. I had just set up a vet appt for my cat and an oil change for my car and was about to give myself a free pass to do it tomorrow.
I found one with good reviews and set up the whole thing online. Anything that takes the part where I have to talk to a human out of the scheduling works better. They will text me a reminder the day before and then 3 hrs before.

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[Scattybird]

Yay well done. Hope your cat is OK?

 

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[Galadriel724]

My cat is fine for the timebeing…. I am sending her to live with a friend of my sister’s. She is a sweet kitty and I love her so this is hard, but my boyfriend and I decided to move in together a few months back and his mom is deathly allergic. I won’t give notice to my landlord until she is settled and happy with her new owner. So on one hand I am very very happy that I have found the perfect cat mommy, and on the other, shaking my head because she lives a 14 hr drive away. The kitty will be getting some sedatives and a nail clipping. I cannot imagine being in the car with her for 14 hrs…..

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