How do I Explain this to Others

[LyleKelp]

I’m fairly new here, I’m 57 and recently found out,(realized) I have adult ADD. I would like to know the one video or article I could send someone to best explain(quickly summarise) ADD/ADHD to someone who thinks they know but really has no clue or does not believe in adult ADD (My ADD :extremely hard for me to focus,remember or learn something new,(unless I have one on one help) ,but if I like it or have the one on one help to get going I’m on it! I am fairly intelligent, and have great common sense, in my opinion, ha ha) One business partner I tried to explain to (I know they think I’m lazy or not trying hard enough)after I was done said, “You just have to pick one thing and focus more”
I felt like screaming !!
I have no problem with the internet . but I need a few people to understand why I need a little extra support/help to get going. When i try to say i have ADD, (and just telling someone this is not easy!) and recently it seems to be worse and I’m having a real hard time remembering and focusing), they do not really understand. They just think or say something like “oh i get like that sometimes, ha ha. just part of getting older” Is there ONE video or article or list of symptoms, one brief summary that anyone could recommend to just share with someone so they can hopefully better understand what many of us a re going through ???? Thanks in Advance Ian
p.s. this took me 45 minutes to write and rewrite :>)

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[blackdog]

LOL 😆

Hi @IanL. I’m chuckling at the “this took me 45 minutes to write and rewrite” part. Nice to know I’m not the only one.

I honestly don’t read that much and haven’t watched many of the videos so I can’t really answer your question. There is a ton of information right here on TADD though and I am sure you can find what you are looking for.

You could also try telling them to look at some of the tests for ADD. You will find some of them on psychcentral.com. There is one called the CAARS Observer that is for people who know someone who may have ADD to fill out (I have one sitting beside me right now that my mother is going to be doing for my assessment). If you get them to do that, it may help them to understand a little better.

I understand the challenge of trying to get others to understand. Believe me, I’ve heard it all. You just have to focus/concentrate/apply yourself more. Finish one job before you move one to the next one. ADD is just an excuse for being lazy. And of course the infamous “So what? Everyone does that”.  Even doctors and therapists don’t get it. I told my doctor I forgot to take my medication and he replied “How can you forget to take your medication? You don’t just forget to take your medication.” Um, yeah, actually, I do. Just like I forget to do other things, like eat. 🙄

With ADD, everything is just harder. You have to work at least twice as hard as everyone else just to keep up. Sure, everyone forgets things and loses things and has trouble concentrating sometimes. But for you, it’s all the time. 

And it’s something you have no control over. You brain is literally different from the brain of someone who doesn’t have ADD. Though you are capable of staying organized and concentrating and remembering things, you are not in control of how your brain functions and you can’t always choose what you will concentrate on and remember.

It is difficult to understand, even for those of us who have it. Because we are capable, intelligent people, and we know it. And yet we continuously mess everything up. It’s important to remember too that you have good days and bad days, which is what leads some people to believe that it is just an excuse and you really are being lazy. I have started just saying “I’m having an ADD day” when it’s bad.

Well, I hope there is something in that ramble of random thoughts that is helpful to you. I am not even going to say how long it took me to write this. I’m not really sure except that it was long. And now I really have to go and do something out of the list of things I “should” be doing right now. 😉

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[kc5jck]

I could give someone a better understanding of the Special Theory of Relativity in 30 min than I could of ADHD over several hours.  The effects of ADHD are far more complicated.  Because ADHD is so complicated in its effects, I am sure there are no short articles that would provide any significant understanding of the disorder.  But for quick explanations, you might try these.

The ADHD brain focuses on what is interesting, not what is important (This comes from Larynxa.  I don’t know where she got it, but it’s good.)

One that occurred to me is – like small corrections made in driving a car to keep it on the road, the brain needs small corrections to keep it focused and on task.  People with ADHD lack this ability.

There are also small but significant differences in some of the brain’s structures and chemistry.

For a video, ADD and Loving it, produced by Rick  and available through this site’s store, is good for a start.

For purposes of getting a little extra support, you’re probably better not mentioning ADHD, but rather saying you have a minor disability which makes it difficult for you to do whatever it is for which you need the support.

When it comes to wives, children, parents or anyone with whom you have a significant and lasting relationship, then you need to get them (and yourself) into books to get an understanding about ADHD and how it affects relationships.  Unfortunately, this is far easier said than done.  However, you might have them take one of the ADHD self assessment tests just so they can see the types of issues that you face.

 

 

 

 

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[LyleKelp]

Thanks for your reply’s much appreciated but I’m looking for a 5-10 minutes video or audio . impossible hey,lol

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[Anonymous]

Welcome, @IanL!

Check out the Videos section (http://totallyadd.com/videos/).  You’ll find many short videos that will help you explain your ADHD to others, and understand it better yourself.

The “Bill’s ADDventures” videos are a great ice-breaker. They’re really funny, and people will recognize Bill from “The Red Green Show”. He looks different now, but he’s the same accident-prone Bill.

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[LyleKelp]

Thanks Tadd Sounds like what I’m looking for!  updates to follow :>)

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[Pallist]

Before you go sending out videos to folks, please don’t be surprised when folks still don’t get it. If you don’t have it, you will be hard pressed to “get it”. I agree with kc5jck that there is no one quick video and you are better off not even bringing up the word ADD, since it has become somewhat of a joke to many – I’ve even used it as a joke before getting diagnosed because it references the most obvious and least destructive symptom of ADD: “can’t focus” If ADD were simply a problem of not focusing we could all just grab a cup of coffee and a quick nap and everything would go back to normal, right? Of course not! The very term is like calling Autism “hand flapping and talking funny”. Those symptoms have very little to do with how the underlying condition affects our lives. Dr. Russell Barkley is the best I have heard so far at explaining why ADHD is so misunderstood:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQC-Nk5OOfE&list=PL8EDAFA146F5F7385

I was diagnosed about 3 years ago (I am 47 now) and I have a sister who trained as a psychiatrist though she doesn’t practice. Even though she hasn’t directly treated ADHD she knows me pretty well – but she only gets it up to a point. What I am saying is do not expect any video, no matter how funny, relatable, or comprehensive to explain this. There are continuous updates to the field and it has had to overcome a lot of bad pop science and medicine and by extension, bad press.

Besides this website, one of the most informed and respected experts is Dr. Russell Barkley, who gives lectures that are literally hours long to explain the symptoms and the biochemistry of ADHD, the myths, the latest findings, etc… Some of his lectures are broken down into 3-5 minute sound bites that each address some of the most common and far reaching issues of what this type of brain wiring actually does. He relabels the symptom as a very specific disorder or dysfunction, which makes it more accurate, but also more jarring for those of us who have experienced it and not realized that it connects to our ADHD. Some of these have made me cry, partially in relief (but not always) because they are so dead on correct, but completely overlooked if you don’t understand how the brain really works. And 99% of us don’t, including the “experts”.
( a long video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua8Zm9STtKY)
I recommend them for your own personal education, and then you’ll see why telling people about your condition who don’t have a personal stake in your success and happiness is often a waste. Some – correction, many – folks will never get it and dismiss your explanation as an excuse for failing. At least that’s been my experience.

If people say they think they have it, I get very serious and tell them they should get tested because this kind of disorder can ruin just about every aspect of your life – relationships, family, marriage, work, school, finances – things you never realized were connected to your “not focusing” or “being disorganized and forgetful”. This usually gets their attention and they at least will not take it so lightly the next time the subject comes up.

Below are a few of Barkley’s short clips to illustrate my point:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQC-Nk5OOfE&list=PL8EDAFA146F5F7385

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[kc5jck]

Very well put @Pallist

I have seen the “long version” that contains the clips from above.  Since first viewing it, and the random clips, I have read about the theory that this is primarily an executive function disorder.

With this new understanding, I find that these Barkley videos make more sense to me and that indeed ADHD does not impart or replace a person’s natural talents.  It can at best cause them to come up with creative and “outside of the box” solutions, but doesn’t make them anything but “disorganized , forgetful,  and unmotivated.”

I also believe that you don’t outgrow it.  You learn to compensate for it or else people go from saying “he’s a handfull” when you’re little to WTF when you’re grown.

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[LyleKelp]

Wow , thank you for the insights and links @Pallist & @kc5jck  I spent a lot of time watching  Dr Barkleys videos .Thank you for the insights .your explanation of why people will not understand my be the best thing to show others, lol. But all of this has been very helpful for me :>)

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Hey @IanL and others, I am going to be doing a webinar on this very subject in just over a week. Next Tuesday, the 26th. We’re going to be talking about Facing The World, including who to tell, what to say, what not to say, and best of all, how to not only defend your diagnosis from people who don’t know what they are talking about… but who keep talking anyway.

I’ll outline a couple of ways that I use to explain what ADHD is, and it makes people realize it’s not an illness, but it is something that you want to know about if you qualify as ADHD.

I’m going to show you what I have learned to do to transform how skeptics, doubters, deniers, and bullies view ADHD.  It’s a series of three simple steps.

It’s going to be quite powerful.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Hey @IanL and others, I am going to be doing a webinar on this very subject in just over a week. Next Tuesday, the 26th. We’re going to be talking about Facing The World, including who to tell, what to say, what not to say, and best of all, how to not only defend your diagnosis from people who don’t know what they are talking about… but who keep talking anyway.

I’ll outline a couple of ways that I use to explain what ADHD is, and it makes people realize it’s not an illness, but it is something that you want to know about if you qualify as ADHD.

I’m going to show you what I have learned to do to transform how skeptics, doubters, deniers, and bullies view ADHD.  It’s a series of three simple steps.

It’s going to be quite powerful.

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[LyleKelp]

Thanks @Rick I look forward to it!!! or tell use now! LOL

 

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[blackdog]

*It’s what?  huh? Something…..not restlessness…..something something…..in adulthood….*

I think I need shorter video clips. Of course I’ve only had one cup of coffee and it’s still early. And he keeps mixing up the DSM IV and DSM V and after about the third time he did it I started to wonder why he kept mixing them up…..

Anyway, thanks for the clips. I really should try to watch some more of them. But I have to go now.

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[shutterbug55]

The way I explain it to other people is like this:

I have a neighbor who lost his license to drive a few years ago. When he needs to get to the store, he hops on his rider lawn mower and goes to the store  at 1 mph. On the way he sees bugs, plants, birds, trees and rocks. If one of them gets his attention for a while, it’s no big deal, because he can’t get too far off course, and when he returns to task he is once again on his way to the store. He returns with the milk, eggs, or bread he set out to get.

An ADD brain is like going to that same store, but we are in Mario Andretti’s Ferrari going 200mph, with no idea how to use the breaks. We see a whole lot of birds, trees, bugs, and rocks and if we get distracted by something capturing our attention, we will be in Portland, before we know it. At the end of the day, we will be full of stories of what we saw and the places we have been.

Yet it is the milk and eggs people will ask about and it is the milk and eggs that we forgot, because of all the cool things we saw. So I tell them. We are not any smarter or dumber than anyone else, our thoughts travel at different speeds and different paths and the things we see and the journey we take sometimes pushes aside the goals we had at the beginning. This is because we sometimes see so much, we get overwhelmed and can’t take it all in.

This seems to get the conversation going with people who are unfamiliar with ADD, or people who have limited knowledge on it.

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[Pallist]

@IanL You’re very welcome… I like sharing this stuff so it’s nice to find people who appreciate it.

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