The Forums › Forums › The Workplace › Lost/Losing My Job › Not yet lost my job, but will get there.. › Reply To: Not yet lost my job, but will get there..
Hi Blackdog,
thank you for your advice. I found it very soothing actually. And It’s given me a few important points to ponder upon for my personal professional portfolio. And possibly a war plan. See what you think.
1) After a frank chat with mum dad and sister, we all agreed that the roots of my behaviour are historical. We collated a thread of events that made us all suspicious of ADD (in me, uncle and cousin). Traditionally, in my home country, ADHD has been used to describe the far end of the autistic spectrum with hyperkineticism, so it was difficult to consider that for us before now.
2) I went for an anatomy demonstratorship post, because you can imagine how much i can struggle concentrating on study after a 12 hours day at work, and I still need to study basic sciences for my board exams. Plus, I could have used a more regular lifestyle to have a baby (you can’t be around op theatres with a growing bump cos of the xray machines).
3)I will not get taken seriously because I am high functioning and the member of a respected profession in which hiding any learning difficulty/mental health issue is imperative. It is too scary. It gets denied. As a child teachers and supervisors have always been reluctant to discipline me (having to, nonetheless) because my father is a respected member of a very small community in a very corrupt country.
My colleagues meet my worries with either disbelief or anger. Don’t blame them: they battle their own demons and hidden sense of fragility/inadequacy (Except for one…and i will be operating for him tomorrow..let’s see what comes out of those in between cases chat..)
4) I would be very happy to be myself. I don’t even believe in ‘normal’. It just simply does not exist. But unfortunately It’s been invented by some very clever educationalist with no grasp of reality. So now I have to pass as ‘normal/standard/whatever’in order to retain a job and progress. Never been normal. Never wanted to be. takes away all the fun out of my life.
THE WAR PLAN
1) Speak to my (very ignorant) GP and try to make him understand how organisationally miserable my life has always been.
2) Speak to a psychiatry colleague and see what he thinks
3) Speak to the consultant I am operating with tomorrow (who is the hero who said he’d hire me anyday btw)
4) Book any other job interview that pops on nhsjobs. At the end of such a gruelling exercise I will probably understand what it is expected of me.
5) Stop being one of the lads, hang around with proper ladies and emulate them.
Ok, Project My Fair Lady starts now.
I’ll let you know how it goes, cos I know I’ll stumble, fall and suffer. I will need some perspective every now and then.
Big hug to all.
SBx