Reply To: Yet another do I have it post.

[sdwa]

A lot of what you describe sounds familiar to me, and I have the “inattentive” sub-type of ADHD (ADD). In school, I would find myself reading the same passages over and over, and wouldn’t be able to concentrate long enough to process or remember what I’d read. I’m very good at doing almost anything but what I should be doing, but also at putting enormous pressure on myself to do more than is humanly possible because I’m not so great at estimating how long it actually takes to do things. Nevertheless, I was a good student, somehow able to cram and remember everything I’d learned just long enough to pass an exam with flying colors…yet still feel like I don’t know anything because I can’t recall that information at will, necessarily. Some days I would be brilliant, and other days my mind would be garbage. I always thought I was “lazy, crazy, or stupid.” I’m still very sensitive to people thinking I’m stupid, not taking me seriously, thinking I’m a flake or an airhead. All through high school people thought I was on drugs, but I wasn’t. Sometimes, when I’m passionate about a project, I can focus for a 12-hour stretch, forget to eat. Constantly misplacing things, rearranging my bookshelf from largest to smallest so the books look like a perfect staircase, vivid nightmares that feel like an alternate reality, a high level of emotional sensitivity to light, sound, crowds…startle easily. But I also have dysthymia and have struggled with recurring major depression since adolescence. One of my favorite ADHD moments involved leaving my keys in the ignition in a running vehicle while I went grocery shopping (car NOT stolen!). Unmedicated, I’m depressed, moody, emotionally volatile, easily thrown off, tend to go from one activity to another like a butterfly traveling flower to flower, meandering, no particular destination because I wouldn’t think that far ahead. I will never be a chess player, because I can’t hold in my working memory a projection of the next six to nine possible moves. I remember what I see better than what I hear. I also used to drink about 10 cups of coffee a day.

When I first tried ADD meds, I found that I was far less sensitive to my environment, able to look people in the eye and talk to them, and that the background mental radio finally shut up. The meds don’t make me high, or hyper – they relax me.

I wouldn’t be embarrassed to talk to a doctor about it. Hopefully the doctor has a clue about ADHD. What other people think doesn’t matter. It is not their life, and they are not struggling with the same issues.

Lately, I’ve switched to a high protein, very low carb diet, and find that my energy level stays more even, I can think when I want to – and they say this is a better diet for ADDers, so you might try it and see how it affects you.

But yeah, just see a doctor, preferably one who has experience with ADHD.

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