32 years old and I finally put two and two together

[Anonymous]

After hitting a point in my marriage where my wife gave me the choice to divorce or get counseling, I ended up seeing the counselor (I figured counselors charged less then lawyers). The counselor gave me a book by Dr. Amens and asked me to tell him what I thought of it. Some of the case studies fit me to a “T” I was amazed, no one had ever thought to ask if I had ADD, they just kept asking me to try harder, stop being so forgetful, etc.

I called the Amens clinic (its in my area) and asked what it would cost for treatment……which was going to be a king’s ransom, and in no way was my individually paid insurance going to pay for such an extravagant expense. That was over a year ago, and after a serious bout of depression last summer when I asked my wife if she may be better off without me, she insisted I see someone, anyone.

I went in to see my primary care Doc, a great ex-Air Force doc that is awesome with broken bones, but I have to admit sucks with mental health. He put me on Zoloft and called it a day. Glad that I finally was cured I went home to my wife’s utter dismay and horror.

Last week I saw a Nurse Practitioner (a step below a doc) whom had spent the last thirty years working with kids and people like me. She was the sweetest gal and she seriously quizzed me for over an hour about my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. After we were done she felt like a member of my family. She insisted that the Zoloft was probably the dumbest thing she had heard and took the time to explain how it works and how it would do nothing for me (it hasn’t done any good btw) complete with diagrams and references.

I started medication last week and am now seeing some results after just 38mg of Concerta. I saw the ADD and Loving It special and I seriously broke down and cried. It had just hit the nail home that all the times I was trying my hardest, it failing miserably it really wasn’t my fault. Imagine…. a 240lb guy that weight lifts 3 times a week and loves MMA balling like a little girl.

I feel awake for the first time in my life and I would love to encourage as many people as possible that there is hope, you can get help, but please please ask

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[Anonymous]

Welcome JamesM.

Balling like a baby is fine. Just not on the subway. Welcome home!

Dr. J.

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[Anonymous]

I have never gotten “formally” diagnosed but I always new there was something “different” about the way I think!!! I took the test on this website and it said I have the primarily inattentive subtype. I have suspected for some time (I am around the same age as JamesM) that I must have ADD or SOMETHING!!! But I was always turned away (in my own mind) by this diagnosis by the “H” for hyperactivity because that is something I am definitely NOT!!! Watching Patrick’s documentary was an eye-opener, they said alot of things I have been feeling all my life, then when I did more research and found out that there is a primarily inattentive subtype it finally made sense!! I wish there was more information on this subtype, the prevalence of info for the hyperactive type is what delayed me from accepting the fact that I am ADD, as well as causing me some doubt because of lack of hyperactivity. Well I am clearly babbling and repeating myself but I just wanted to say I identify with you and have been told (or it has been inferred) so many times that “I don’t care therefore I don’t remember”, and now I understand why “doesn’t live up to potential” was my grade-school report card mantra! Keep up the good work on the website!

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[Anonymous]

Sorry, I ignored the preface that said “don’t take this as a diagnosis” I just got a little excited!

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[Anonymous]

Julianna I really relate to you….. I am a the old “daydreamer” type of ADD kid. I am pretty intelligent and would always find ways to squeak through the proverbial cracks. I was kind of an “Idiot Savant” in high school. I constantly forgot to do assignments, forgot homework, lost books, etc etc. But give me a test and I would ace it no problem. I was often times a teacher’s biggest headache. They would always say, “You have such potential…..if you would only put forth the effort!” I never got in much trouble, never physically acted out, but inside my mind it looked like a space warp from star trek, stars, planets, and everything wizzing by my head at warp speed, I could never dwell much on one thought before I was off to the next.

In high school and college I would always have a sketchbook in my hands, that is what saved me. My mom encouraged me to sketch and draw to my hearts content, which I did in every one of my classes, doctor’s offices, church services, etc etc. It gave me a way to cope and also gave me something to do with my hands. I became a very talented artist and designer, but no one ever thought to label me as ADD until I was willing to share the wreckage that I had spread throughout my life.

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[Anonymous]

I never had problems with tests either, just remembering to bring the textbook home to study or do homework or whatever!!! “Doesn’t live up to potential” became the oft-repeated mantra on report cards. An acquaintance once called me an “idiot savant” (which was kind of insulting at first but I knew what he meant) because I can’t keep my life on track but always come in handy to remember little useless tidbits of information (particularly vocabulary of a language we are learning) when asked. I don’t even know where it comes from, it’s just in there and sometimes I am even surprised I got it right!

Never had a sketch book but I always found a way to doodle too! Esp. talking on the phone or in class when the teacher went on and on.

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[Anonymous]

Can relate to all this myself too. Very imaginative, day dreamer type. An “Around the day in 80 worlds” sort of person.The comments sections of my school reports would be all glowing with praise and “untapped potential” but my grades never reflected the comments. With zero revision i blasted through my exams with little trouble though (the ones we do at 16 in the UK). It was at 16 to 18 (We call these ‘A’ Levels (Advanced)) i just got bored of school and my A level grades bombed. Total shock to my teachers as they expected me to go on to great things. My A level physics teacher was encouraging me to go and study theoretical physics at university! lol

Having the inattentive type of ADHD meant i too slipped through the cracks and was never diagnosed in my youth. I guess a diagnosis at 38 is better late than never!

Good Luck james

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[Anonymous]

Here I am at the ripe old age of 53 at my wits end because I’ve just blown a great employment opportunity and fear I’ll never be able to get on track. My employer gave me an opportunity to head up a huge project, but it meant a lot of organization. Hard work wasn’t a problem, I’ve always been able to take on any challenge, but this was intense. I worked 12-16 hour days for months, but never seemed to get anywhere. I found this website through watching part of a PBS special on ADD and felt like someone just hit me on head with a hammer. All those sleepless nights, wasted days trying to figure out why can’t I get to the other side. I wouldn’t call myself smart, but very creative and desperate to succeed. Lots of ideas, but no follow through. Always feeling like I’m my ideas are a full glass of water so every time I try to put more water in, it just flows out and drips to the floor and eventually evaporates.

My childhood school days were difficult. I sat by the window in every class and daydreamed my life away. I squeaked by. Unable to study because I got tired of re-reading pages to try to make any sense of whatever I had for an assignment. And math, forget about it. Taking test or quizzes, there were days that I thought that I must have been abducted by aliens when we the teacher taught the subject.

Like some of you, I found peace in art. Doodled my way through life do I became a graphic designer. When people talk about aptitude test or SAT’s, I joke that that I just filled in the circles, then connected them so it made a drawing of Mickey Mouse. Hence, art school. The jokes on me. What a waste!

I’ve got to change things now, but I’m really scared that it might be too late in my career to get things right.

The thought of taking drugs really puts me off. I just went through a year in hell with my 8 year old son. He was diagnosed with epilepsy and was put on drug after drug, none of them worked and all the doctor’s would do was suggest yet another drug. They turned my beautiful, fun loving, happy, smart young son into a zombie. We got lucky though, a friend suggested to check out the Mayo Clinic in MN. Long story short, he had brain surgery which (so far) has been very successful.

I am definitely the inattentive subtype. I’m in another world when people start talking for more than a few minutes.

So now what?

P.S. It’s a lot easier for me to write all this, I’m the furthest thing from a babbler. No gift of gab here!

Thanks for reading.

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[nellie]

JMW,

In terms of your statement “I’ve got to change things now, but I’m really scared that it might be too late in my career to get things right.”…

It’s never too late to do anything -remember ADD does seem to come with an all or nothing mentality. For example, I returned to university to finish my degree in my thirties despite a miserable school record when I was younger. And that was long before I was diagnosed with ADD!

Before returning I would occasionally lament to whomever was listening at the time that it was too bad I hadn’t studied ( fill in the blank with whatever I thought it was too late for that particular day) in my “youth,” blah, blah,blah. I was always surprised when someone would say “well, why don’t you do it now?” One day that actually made sense to me and I did go back to school. I did amazingly well but of course had I known about the ADD, don’t think I would have had to work so hard to get through it

Anyway, my point here is that at 53 you’ve still got lots of time to do great things! Think of it in relational terms – if you think you had lots of time before this age – for arguments sake, lets say you “wasted” twenty years of your life – you know the stuff we all say – ” if only I knew then what I know now” – then think ahead of the potential you have to make the next 20+ years really amazing!

Since you are now aware of the ADD, you are well ahead of the game too boot. While it may be a challenge it’s surely not impossible if you evaluate your strengths and work with them in order to combat your weaknesses.

Better stop before I rattle on

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[Anonymous]

Nellie, you’re absolutely right. As I mentioned about my son’s experience this past year, it was pure hell. But if we hadn’t gone through hell we might not be in the situation we’re in now. The horrible experiences we had in Boston made us look elsewhere… thank God. Our motto was ( and still is) Never Give Up! I am actually looking forward to moving on with my life. Can you tell me about your ADD treatment? Thanks for your reply. Oh and by the way, you can “rattle on” anytime.

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[nellie]

Well i discovered the ADD possibility about a year ago. It took me a while to get a proper diagnosis but managed that in the Spring. Ultimately it has helped me become aware of my actions and has allowed me to start making changes. I only started Biphentin in the fall.

I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to go this route and didn’t know what to expect. But I’m really glad I did because it has helped me to focus and complete tasks. It’s a very gradual process though and all of a sudden you realize how much things have changed but it’s certainly not an overnight thing. i think the key for me has been to focus on changing one area at a time instead of my old way of trying to do everything at once.

Since I tend to be very creative and over-complicate things I could easily go overboard. You mention getting nowhere on a project despite hard work – I know what you mean. This is where the meds have really helped reign me in and get me to break things down into more realistic, manageable and organized bits.

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[Anonymous]

Thank you nellie! Keep me posted if you have any issues. I am in the process now of finding a doctor in my area to get a proper diagnosis. Glad you’re reigned in. Good luck moving forward.

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[Anonymous]

Great dialogue Nellie and JMW………. As a 48 yr old male and having struggled my entire life it is truly a relief of sorts that I am not the only one………… Both of you sound that you have some of the same issues as I regarding ADHD. I recently learned of my disabilities but without being truly educated the diagnosis did very little. Finding persons that are willing to share there journey is great. I hope JMW you find a doctor that affords you the assistance with ADHD that you may need… Nellie your sharing regarding the AGE thing is very insightful but yet very beyond the horizon thinking ……. Thank You

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[nellie]

Good luck you guys too What’s that old saying about a journey – half the fun is getting there ?

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[Anonymous]

I would just like to say that I find it amazing how there exists so many people of varied backgrounds that appear to See, Feel, and even Think like myself. Its like discovering long lost relatives and finding out you and your people crash landed on earth from another planet.

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[Author]

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