Communication between ADHD people

[Shadow Nexus]

I’v found communicating in-person with “normal” people takes great effort. I feel like I am out of sync or out of tune with them. So, it’s very draining and avoid it as much as possible. Online socializing is much easier and the majority of my communications.

Communication with another ADHD person flows like water. We are in-tune and in-sync. One person has an idea, the other usually does too or gets it. So communication is much easier.

As ADHD, have you had the experience of communication with another with ADHD in-person? Describe it.

REPORT ABUSE

[Cat Alberts]

Since being diagnosed last year, I have followed some ADHD-workshops with other ADHD people and it is a joy to experience, for the first time in my life to be in-sync with everyone in the room. Our national support organisation supports local meet-ups and it was such a relieve to walk in. So yes, the circulair reasoning, the jumping from subject to subject and without any trouble returning to the first one. Or with trouble remembering, but then the other person would remember. Or not and no worries about it. The energy that builds because ideas feed of each other and the train of thought can run for a while, without stops to explain in more detail to people lost along the way.

And more information to share about medication, job hunting, insurance etc.

The local meet-up is just a relatively quiet place, coffee tea and an ad on a website, to meet once a month for a few hours on a Monday evening. My local is relatively homogenous, most have only ADHD issues and no history of addiction or more serious psychiatric issues, other than depression or anxiety.

And I am really looking forward to October when a national gathering is organised. If all goes well and the weather holds, about 1400 ADHD (and family) will come together. In a ZOO!

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Well, my husband and I both have ADD, and sometimes things don’t flow too well between us! I guess that’s because he’s a different subtype (not sure what we are in that respect), so he is the type of person who wants to talk about all the gritty details and take forever to work something out (he has a BA in philosophy), and I am the one who jumps straight through all the detail to the brilliant idea that just HAS TO BE DONE NOW! It drives both of us batty at times but we are starting to understand each other better in light of the ADD.

I do have a good friend in Virginia (I’m in Canada) who has ADD (undiagnosed, but she’s pretty sure, she’s a nurse) whom I talk to a lot on the phone and by email, and we are constantly able to jump through conversations, fill in each others thoughts, build on what the other comes up with to create something even better. It’s as if our brains are wired together at times! And that is very satisfying. Everyone else thinks we are a bit crazy but they let us do our own thing when we’re together.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

I like CA’s description of ( what I call )a conceptualized conversation……it’s perfect. Speaking in concepts skipping over the top, the other conversant(s) filling in the details on the fly……it’s fun to say the least. I have a a good friend (maybe two) that I can riff humour, with like that…or at least can follow conceptual/random humour….it’s hilarious.

The best is conceptual humour coming out of left field, catching somebody completely by surprise, in the middle of a drink of something!!! There is really nothing better than cracking up your buddy when they are off guard, and watching them blow milk or coke or coffee out of their nose…..in a restaurant….hahahahahha!!

Fun is fun and we are fun……

toofat

REPORT ABUSE

[wolfshades]

My daughter and I enjoy the same conversational style mentioned in the first post. Before I was diagnosed, we couldn’t understand why our style was so different from everyone else’s and why people were so irritated with us. Can’t tell you how many times someone would say “why can’t you KEEP ON TOPIC”, as they gritted their teeth in anger. I don’t know. It amused me. And now we both know why – she’s not diagnosed yet, but exhibits all of the symptoms I do, and I was diagnosed so…..

Anyway, I also know what it means to be in conversation with “normal” people, and how draining that can be. Methodical linear thinking is way too boring and draining. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m ready to throw my cell phone in the trash, because I honestly hate talking on it with most people, and look for ways to end conversations quickly:

“Oh hey. Looks like I’m about to lose you. I’m down to two bars…one bar…and I th—” *click*”

REPORT ABUSE

[Curlymoe115]

My husband and I are also both ADHD so we understand each other. OUr conversations are full of tangents and we can cover a whole day of conversations in hours. Both of our kids are also ADHD and they are able to follow our conversation. Our in-laws on both sides are also ADHD so they are usually on the same page. Although my husband is more of a lecturer then a speaker to our kids most of the time because this is the style his mother used with him. But he is getting better at pausing to hear what the kids have to say.

A conversation with a “normal” is so much work. They hear a foreign concept and they want you to break it down for them. Then they question how it will work, then they want to analyze the merits of it. So how do you slow your brain enough to tease out all the details to give them. Most of the time in my job I would rather ask for forgiveness if it doesn’t work then explain and ask for permission. I work so much faster then the rest of the ones at work and therefore before they even know there is a problem I have either solved it or made it worse.

REPORT ABUSE

[billd]

I’ve seen it go both ways – at work, there’s a fellow who is ADHD, and I didn’t see it at first, and we clashed. In part because I’m enforcement of security and computer abuse, and he was all about spending time on everything BUT work……………. Now I know why he did, not that it’s right in a government job, but I know “he can’t help himself”. And conversations since have focused on what we have in common……

My wife exhibits many ADHD symptoms, but isn’t. when she “acts” adhd, like not paying attention, forgetting things, asking me a question, and I reply, then 10 seconds later she asks again and says I never answered – it causes clashes. I have seen it work both ways, I guess. Like any other human relationships or communication, ADHD or not, both or one, it’s still people involved. Just because you have ADHD doesn’t mean you fit a mold and will hit it off with any other ADHD person. There are times I can converse more easily with a non-ADHD, but then it’s usually on a high intellectual level when that happens. I like hanging with those 130 or there-abouts IQ and when that happens, we just click (as long as politics is left out of it) I REALLY get along great with the other network admin at work, he’s a very high IQ and we have a lot of common interests, he’s far from ADHD. Same for an Australian friend – he’s mensa – and we can really get along great on high-level stuff, he’s so far FROM ADHD, not even close, no symptoms.

I’m a VERY visual learner and according to the last neural-psychologist I saw, in the “superior” range at that, and I find I get along great with other visual learners as we expect and need the same thing – but that isn’t a part of being ADHD, is it??

I guess I find it’s the other aspects of life that matter as much as ADHD or not as far as getting along or communicating.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

From the outside, I am just like another normal person you met on the street. However, I feel EXACTLY THE SAME as how everyone over here have described about themselves. How “out of sync” I feel like to everyone around me.

It haunts me for so many years and I got to a point where I literally wish I am dead already. I am diagnosed with emphysema 2 months ago. I have already quit smoking. But the only reason that I still light up a cigarette is because… I hate to say it. Am i trying to kill myself?

I am about to join a work shop. But my shift ends at 8pm. I am seeing my family doctor and see if he can recomment some professional who I can talk to. I am trying very hard to live. It is very difficult if I can’t find a solution to my problem.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

I started in entry level finance management in the ’80’s, to get hired there were 2 days of testing and profiling.

This summer, I was diagnosed with ADHD and cronic anxiety, or perhaps the other way around,

Changed jobs and fields every 5 to 7 years, moved nearly as often, classic ADHD social functioning.

More testing, always the same stuff: iq 164 … Lately, I have been thinking that a high score in Wisdom

would do me a lot more good than the iq has done.

Working on a change of attitude, chaos feeds my anxiety, unanticipated change .. the bane of some ADHD

profiles, sends me over the edge … nice to be off the alcohol, self medicating didn’t work, not sure how

the ADHD will work out. Knowing what buttons get pushed and how, and what happens, maybe I can learn.

Not sure at all about communicating here; it seems like throwing messages in bottles into an endless sea.

Not important, maybe it’s just a matter of what story i tell myself.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

@Tea Anxiety… I had such feelings before I learn what this word means. At least you are in management. You hire people to listen to you. I am a prepress specialist. And I am managed by someone. And the someone who manages me is an asshole.

I am almost 39 years old, and the last thing that I ever want to talk about is depression. idk about how IQ does to me. I think I had 126 when I was a kid. is that supposed to be a good score too? The truth is, does it matter? I dropped out from my degree and I am paying for the price right now.

I am trying very very hard to live. It is very difficult when only a few people on this planet can actually understand me at all. The rest probably thinks that I am either a weird or a rude person. For I always say things that means quite different than what I intend to say…

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

It’s funny, but in some worlds, having ADHD is a positive boon in communicating with people.

I work in a live theatre. I started out as an usher, then got promoted (the first promotion of my life) to Usher Captain & sometimes Stage Door Keeper. In that world, the creativity and enthusiasm of ADHD is appreciated by all—even those without it.

Even when I’m just working at Stage Door, signing people in & out, they say that I really brighten up their day. And when I’m out in the lobby, Captaining or Ushering, the enthusiasm and creativity with which I greet people and discuss the show with them, really makes them feel welcome and enhances their appreciation & enjoyment of the show. It’s as if there’s a certain electricity in the air around me, and it draws people in. I have “IT”—that indefinable certain something that Elinor Glyn defined in the 1920s.

And to make the leap from tearing tickets to Elinor Glyn & IT—well, that’s the beauty of ADHD!

REPORT ABUSE

[Patte Rosebank]

@Sailing, that is a very high IQ score. But, as I’ve found out, IQ (how smart you are) isn’t nearly as important as EQ (how well you can use those smarts).

My brother has always said that my IQ blows his out of the water. But I know that his EQ is way higher than mine. He has an MBA (while I struggled to get my BA) and a high-paying career in the corporate world. I’ve struggled through office jobs (most of them temp) and all of them ending badly. I’ve finally found my niche, and, though it doesn’t pay nearly as well as the corporate world does, I really enjoy it.

One of the jobs at which I struggled included having a bully of a boss who treated me like a moron. He even wrote a completely false quarterly review (which stated that “Basic logical concepts appear to be beyond her limited capability” (and he misspelled “capability”)) to justify terminating my employment. I filed a Human Rights complaint, claiming that he failed to accept that I had a mental disability. It dragged out for 3 years, but they eventually settled for far more than the pittance I’d originally been offered as severance.

Several years after that, that bully of a boss died of a massive heart attack on New Year’s Day. And everyone who’d ever worked for him rejoiced. It was like that scene in “A Christmas Carol” when Scrooge is seeing his potential future, in which everyone is celebrating his death.

And that’s the saddest way of all to go. With everyone happy to see the end of you.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

@larynxa You know what? I had a crack in the designing industry when I started. I started as a graphic designer. Only problem is, I was too “shy” to promote myself. Now that my portfolio is 10 years old. My day time job is very stressful. These 10 years have killed any positive energy that I still have in me. I am unable to design for any longer.. I think I can excel designing funeral invitation with my current mental condition?

Speaking of bullies… I feel that people like us are their easy target:

1: Saying weird things gives them lots of room to make fun of you.

2: Making silly mistakes makes us a target for them to pick on, laugh at.

3: My reaction to argument is very ineffective. I am unable to argue with others in a calm manner. At the end, I usually raise my voice and get mad. Once again… I become a easy target for bullies to play with my emotions…

Tbh, I have no idea where to start. However, I am glad that this site is alive!! I was just trying my luck and post as I see many posts are like a few months old!! Well, I might have missed some recent post due to my “ADD” problem as well.

For the most part, thank you very much for participating. Nothing is worse than being alone in the dark and unable to find any solution to my problem.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

When I went to the dr for a diagnoses a coworker/friend of mine told me: it’s about f-ing time. We have been able to communicate quite well about a number of issues that those of us with ADD deal with. Some other folks I work with that also struggle with ADD symptoms talk about those struggles and how to deal. Having ADD in a society designed around linear thinking people has it’s daily difficulties that even medication doesn’t completely make up for.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

One thing I notice though, our mindset is also one major factor to our problem. For instance. I never cared too much about what I say to people before I had my ADD test. Whoever dislike what I say, they can simply go away and find someone else to talk to. This was my attitude.

Ever since I was diagnosed with ADHD, I find myself having a much lower self esteem with my communication issue. Perhaps I have something to blame on. Every night, I catch myself saying something silly, again.. and again… and again… I’ve been blaming myself almost every night over the last 3 years… Perhaps I tried to expect others to accept it. The truth is, no one gives a damn!!

Or I should maintain the same attitude that I had before I had my test. I am what I am. If you want to fight me, come and fight me. But I am not adjusting for anyone else but myself. Isn’t this how we supposed to live? Yeah, it is easier to say than to actually do it…

I can never meet the schedule of any workshop in Toronto area. Someone from a workshop direct me to this website. At least I am talking to someone, and someone is listening to me instead of telling me to just “man it up”. Like I am not doing it already.

I will not stop looking around to help myself. This is the only thing that I can do for myself at this point. …

Just hope that we can somehow help each other out with our problem to certain extent.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts