What was the 1st clue?

[Just_Nemo]

So I finally been told I have A.D.H.D and me and my mother both said at the same time “What was the first clue?” we knew forever but that good old stupid red tape got in the way (the only tape I like is sliver) but we always knew.

It was not untill I had to see a Dr. about the fact I may have brian damge due to other reasons but I finally got it and yes some brain damge.

OWWW my life is so FUUUNNNN!!!

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[trashman]

hi nemo, my brain damage hap ended at birth I was what they said back then that I was a blue baby and had blood dripping on my brain. they told my parents that I would be ether retarded or die. no such luck. I am of a lower iq group with other challenges that I listed in another thread. so take heart my friend there is a lot for us to learn here .

my first clue was when I went to my local learning disability’s association and started asking questions and they suggested I have adhd till that point I had not heard of it. the more I learn the more I realize that they are right . so good luck.

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[billd]

I saw a neuro-psychologist this fall for my “final diagnosis” and more detail about sub-types, co-morbidity, etc.

I was already told I had ADHD, pretty bad, and knew it before I even went to the doctor.

The n-s kept me for 4 and a half hours. I took test after test, interviews, memory puzzles, complete medical and family history and so on.

The reason? To rule out OTHER causes of ADD-like symptoms. One of the causes they wanted to rule out? Brain damage caused by accident, surgery, or birth issues. Because if any of those had been present, they would not call it add – they’d call it brain damage causing ADD-like symptoms! To have ADD, I was told, meant that it had to be caused by other than brain damage, or birth issues (like lack of oxygen at birth, etc. He said if that had been the case, a troubled birth and lack of oxygen, then it would be marked as brain damage causing my symptoms and I would not have gotten the ADD diagnosis.

Every test I’ve ever taken this year for diagnosis, etc. – put me in the top tier, severe. 3 of the doctors said it was “obvious” to them. One said she was a bit dizzy and confused after my first visit, I was all over the place.

Bottom line, in MY opinion, a family doctor can NOT possibly properly diagnose true ADD. They can say “you may have” or “there is a high probability you have it and more testing is indicated” but for them to give you a simple test, chat for 15 minutes and then say “yup, ADD” is malpractice in my view. (yet that is what I see constantly, with kids, and even adults, and even with many folks I see on the web/in forums)

Well, them’s my thoughts on that.

What was the first clue? I have ALWAYS, since about grade 2, known I was “different”. I knew I was smart, could do the work, could excel, etc. – but never paid attention, had troubles concentrating, never did homework, and was very disruptive all through school. So I lived with “being different” or “being weird”. In life, had marriage troubles, job troubles, etc. – and a son diagnosed with ADD, took some meds to get him back on track and acting even 20% of “typical”. Still didn’t make a real connection (I wasn’t paying attention I guess!)

My mother always acted this way.

Then I watched the documentary “ADD and Loving It?!” on public TV last fall. That was it. It was a 2×4 across the head – Bill, you dummy, you’ve missed a life of clues, here’s your list.

WHACK, I woke up, put 2 and 3 together, got 10, and went from there. Remembered about my son, my mother, my school issues, my jobs, and so on, and went frm there to doctors, then to specialists, and finally………. here I am. I NOW know at least in part how to “deal with it” or “live with it” much better.

(I can NEVER repay the folks in this forum – Rick, Patrick, Dr. J, and all those interviewed on that special – it was life changing for me. There would never be anything big enough I could give them in return)

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[Outoftune]

The first clue was when thinking I was dislexic started learning about learning disabilities and instead of checking off the dyslexia list checked off everysingle one of the ADD (non hyperactive) list without realizing. Scrolled up to the top and realized HOLY CRAP WOMAN that EXPLAINS YOU!!!! And all the assumptions people and yourself have made about you! Lazy, careless, clumsy, too sensitive, flakey, spacy, not living up to my potential, “Flappy birdy” just needing to calm down, just needing to focus, just needing to try harder, rude, inconsiderate, selfish, etc…

The truth is that growing up I was completely UNEDUCATED about ADD and just assumed all those things about me were personality flaws. I (like everyone I know) assumed that ADD was ADHD and my only expereince with that were the loud disruptive boys in my classes that would be running around like mad men turning over chairs and yelling for ‘no aparent reason’. Never would I have imagined myself in that category nor anyone around me which is why I never got diagnosed and suffered my entire youth and University years truly believing that I had enherited all the bad qualities of my sociopathic/alchoholic/abusive father. My mother assumed that because I, like him, appeared careless, and not willing to help/lazy, and verbally impulsive and cutting her off when speaking that this was attributed to me inheriting his evil genes. For some reason I believed this also even though I consistently demonstrated a natural stong sense of empathy, contrightness and compasion. Something that he lacks any trace of.

It was extrememly damaging to my sense of self to believe that I was like him for so many years. Fortunately God sent me my wonderful husband who has shown me what a warm, caring, thoughtful, loving, empathetic, compassionate person I truly am. It has taken years to unravel the false self image that envelops me and it’s still a work in progress.

I have to thank this site and EVERY PERSON dedicated to EDUCATING people about ADD!!! With out education I would still be in that same aweful sad place I was in mentally, emmotionally and even soulfully. There is not much worse in this life that to be made to doubt the pureness of your soul.

Currently I am struggling with her and others telling me not to ‘lablel’ myself. I fail to understand how having been born with a lower than normal production of dopamine the the brain that is a treatable condition could be considered by society as somehow WORSE than what I had thought about myself for my entire life!

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[Anonymous]

>>I never got diagnosed and suffered my entire youth and University years truly believing that I had enherited all the bad qualities of my sociopathic/alchoholic/abusive father. My mother assumed that because I, like him, appeared careless, and not willing to help/lazy, and verbally impulsive and cutting her off when speaking that this was attributed to me inheriting his evil genes.<<

Sherri, your father and mine sound a lot alike – and what I’ve learned is that many of the things that made my Dad an unbearable, hateful person actually /were/ untreated ADHD. a lot of us who’ve not been treated turn to alcohol and drugs in order to get by, and it ends up compounding out symptoms rather than helping.

we also know that ADHD is “highly heritable” meaning that if a parent has it, chances are so will the children – likewise, if a child is diagnosed, it is usually worthwhile to look to parents as a source.

anyway, certainly I would choose different language than saying you inherited your father’s “evil” genes, but there’s a real possibility that you did inherit his ADHD genes (just like my brother and I did from our father).

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[Anonymous]

getting my first professional job and finding out that 6 hours of work took me 11 (and with errors, ie. perfectionism not the culprit)… then certain things from my past started making sense.

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[billd]

sg – related to taking 11 hours to do 6 hours work (with errors), here is what I received in the mail today from my neuro-psyc (he sent me back the forms for my reasonable accommodations request at work)

Regarding “How does the employee’s limitation(s) interfere with his/her ability to perfor the essential function(s) of the job?

1) Prone to more errors relative to peers

2) Slower to complete work duties

3) Less effective communication with co-workers relative to peers

4) Problems learning new material in group learning format (for which he suggested prive learning via web or computer based training, one-on-one, etc.)

He is recommending a more “private” or alone work area, and a schedule that allows more time in the absense of others. (which is what I’m asking – a shift back to my earlier work schedule when I was there 30-60 minutes prior to the arrival of “most” other staff.

I’ve complained about this sort of stuff for YEARS. I’ve been told in every single job, every review that “needs to improve communication”. Now, I know why, and the doc is fully supporting my requests. His report is pretty telling.

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[Anonymous]

I am working on arranging for some remote access to finish paperwork from home so I can go home at the end of the day and not risk my life in an abandoned community health building at night. I will pull the ADA card if necessary. being around people depends.. It is a balance of being distracted and falling into an unbroken hyperfocus of doom. I was in the building alone last night.. and found that I was reading some educational material and pondering a problem..then oh crap. it is 10pm. I may bring my kitchen timer in tomorrow..hrmmm.

I had a ton of coworker problems in my last job (not all my fault..they were insecure!!!), but here I have enough authority for others to adapt to me a little. I explained to a coworker yesterday that me grunting a half hello and running in the other direction should be translated as “oh hi, how are you? how is your day? nice to see you today?”. she smiled…so maybe it worked??? and silly humor and pointless rants seem to be taken well…so… maybe some are bad thought harboring and smiling anyway..i hate when people do that.

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[Anonymous]

I’ve been on meds a little over a month and in this time I’ve gotten a temporary promotion. I feel like I’m excelling at learning the responsibilities of the position and wonder how well I’d be doing had I not been put on the medication prior to this promotion. I’m much calmer and am able to remember most of the tasks required, plus after an interruption get back on task for the most part.

Prior to the meds I let myself be the butt of most jokes at work. I was an easy target and it lightened things up. I got over being sensitive a long time ago when I was in the military and unless I’m not feeling well, I can take just about everything people dish out to me. I’ve noticed though that I’m not teased as much now. I think it probably has more to do with me being calmer, than the promotion at this point.

I just hope that when an actual position opens up that the meds will help me to do better on the interview than I have in the past 3 tries. The interview style is very not conductive to someone with ADD btw. I’m asked to describe a situation in which I’ve encountered certain circumstances, my action, and the result. Well these are many part questions and I get lost in my answers and forget what I’m even talking about causing me to get nervous and really mess up. This method of promoting others has caused me to not only not get selected but those with less experience and less time working for our agency get the job over me because they do better at this style of interview.

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[quizzical]

First clue was when I heard somewhere that a person could have Attention Deficit WITHOUT hyperactivity – I said, Oh, wow, that could be me. Wish I’d followed up on it at the time – that was something like ten years ago.

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[Anonymous]

my first red flag was when i would seriously talk incessantly without taking a breath…so hyper i couldnt sit still even while pregnant, holding three jobs, and planning a wedding, and being full time student i had loads …I MEAN LOADS of energy and literally had to strive soooo hard to stay organized and on time and sooo clumsy like i literally couldnt walk …then remembering small stupid things seemed like a chore and back in gradeschool i was always figity adn couldnt sit still and couldnt remember things and found learning easy things like what a noun, verb, and adjective was…was hard for me so i just ignored them thinking they would go away…sadly they didnt..i always felt frustrated why some of my friends could KNOW stuff and i was sooo just idiotic….like hard to remember….yep sadly i ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT…..

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[Anonymous]

and sadly now i see it in my daughter and she may be a 2 and 1/2 year old but she has been told by few ppl she is too difficult and hyper and even a daycare could not handle her hyperactivity as compared to her classmates….hard to find a sitter…i removed everything red juices..red food coloring…sugars..limit sugars and sugar frees and more water stuff…and even make at home meals….and she is like insane even at 10 at night running circles then up at 630 …bright and ready to go but sadly im always up at 7 regardless and same …ready to run run then take my mdicine and it gets better…def would say genetic…my dad too turned to drugs many of them and was hateful but sadly i never have been hateful or hurtfull…just very bubbly and full of energy but then again i dont drink or smoke and never done drugs till the adderall now that im prescribed and that is even hard to fathom but it helps.

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[Anonymous]

I saw a psychologist in August, 2 hours of testing and she said definate ADHD, with cronic Anxiety, anger issues and depression. It was the first I had really heard about it. School history was always “could do better if he would apply himself” , unmotivated, undisciplined, talks too much, too clever by half, and a litany of other complaints. I just assumed that it was my fault. I was bored much of the time, shy and accident prone. Finished high school and went to university, focused on one area I enjoyed and had a great time. But I was constantly at odds with co tenants, too much noise, it felt like I couldn’t get a space of my own without other people intruding with their sounds. Worked for years in commercial finance, had 2 melt downs. I started to notice that as I got more anxious, I swore, more often every sentence was loaded with swearing. Lost jobs from that and from having no social skills .. I don’t feel comfortable at work, small talk is something I avoided .. so I was seen as hostile or aloof. Tried two psychologists in the 1990’s., neither was any use. They took notes and noded and said come back next week… never got any advice or treatment, complained and was told that they knew best. By 1990, I was self medicating in alcohol and smoking, and black outs from an irregular heart.

Paid for testing a couple of times, came up as high iq, analytical, loaner, best if self employed. Looking back at it, I seem to have had no plan that involved career, savings or getting older. Assumed I was a mess, and of course that didnt help self image stuff.

So, finally find out what has been wrong with me for the past 60 years. I can be somewhat happy to know that much of my trouble has been ADHD, hyper, impulsive, unfocussed, plus panic attacks and complete melt downs of raging at everything.

Doing Wellbutrin and Straterra at max doses since October, no real change. See psychiatrist in January. Familly doctor is helpful but admits that he has no experience with ADHD in adults, just with several kids who are responding well to Straterra. He and I have talked about amphetamines, but my age and previous heart problems make him concerned.

This site has been helpful, just to see that others have it and to get some clue as to how to cope with ADHD.

Been reading, our library has most of the good , recent ADHD books, so I am seeing something of the size of the problem and some

ways of trying to organise my life to cut down on the confusion. It is still over whelming at times. Lost jobs and to many entry level jobs as i tried other occupations, so no pensions or savings to speak of, just the government pension, and ironically provincial drug plan doesnt cover my psych drugs.

Anyway, at least I have a name to give to what i have. Trying to keep note of my hyperness and level of anxiety and looking to get into some form of meditation and or tia chi .. has to be cheap. I hate that so much of my life has been wasted, but that is unproductive so I try not to make myself miserable about the past. Presently, living in small condo … I had few choices, impulsively took this and now find myself trying to get along with 10 strangers … my lack of social awareness leaves me at a loss .. I try to remember to say hi at least .. but I feel best inside with my books and my cats … even though they are demanding beasts . Small steps, staying present, ty.

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[billd]

Your cats are demanding? Do you have Tonkinese? Talk about demanding – they will be little Terminators until or unless you pay attention to their needs or requests………

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[Anonymous]

Hi Billd, mine is a short hair, looks much like a Russian Blue. We found him on our doorstep 8 years ago and he and I bonded.

My wife has always liked orange tabbies, her’s seems to be learning from mine.

So far, they have mastered “how to wake me up when they are hungry or want something”. I seem to be easy to train.

Moving up to 80 Straterra this week, I read one of your posts, about drugs not always doing a lot. It echoes my

psychiatrist’s warning .. so I am going to start exercise and getting out more … we don’t have a lot of winter, so

getting outside is not such an issue.

cheers

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[Author]

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