Re: The hardest thing I've had to confront

[Anonymous]

I grew up always knowing I was different from others. I also knew that something very traumatic had to of happened in my early childhood. Because I know that our personalities are formed from birth to 6yrs old. Recently when talking to my sister she commented that when I was born my Mom had a very difficulte delivery & I was delivered with forcepts.She told me that when I was in High school. I was evaluated & the doctor had mentioned to my parents that the use of forcepts had caused some learning disabilities. This was back in 1971 before ADD was known. But yet my parents had never mentioned anything to me. I started doing some research & came upon this web site. What I saw was my life lived by others & i knew I had the answer to what has been ailling me all my life. I never had a chance in school. I attended a small school & was always in split classes(1st & 2nd grades ect.) I never knew what was going on & to make time pass spent my whole childhood in constant daydreams. The only reason I never stayed back was that I became a expert at cheating. I cheated my way thru grammer & high school. Became hooked on booze & drugs. Stayed that way till I hit bottom at 35 yrs.old. Joined A.A sobered up,been clean now for 22yrs. Got serious bout my Christian faith & have got active in my church. Growing up I always thought that I was stupid & lazy. I grew up hearing my Mom tell me things like. You don’t have the brains that God gave geese. Why don’t you use your head for something more than a hat rack & the classic you would forget your head if it wasn’t attached. What a relief to find out that Im none of the above. Ive spent my whole life blameing myself for something I had no control over. I drank & used drugs to mask my symptons. Now I know why my mind is always racing & why I go into mental fogs & can’t seem to get things done. Why I can feel alone in a crowd & why Im still in bed at 3:00pm writing this. Shame it took 57yrs to realize this. I feel at home here knowing that Im not the only one. I have yet to be diagnosed & am not sure if I will seek treatment other than this site. For the past several yrs. my doctor has had me on Zoloft. & that has helped alot. Im diabetic, have high blood presssure & hepatitus c.. & am not thrilled about the prospect of seeing another doctor & taking more medications. But am willing to listen to feedback on this. Just want to say thanks for being here.

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