The Forums Forums Emotional Journey I'm Sad The hardest thing I've had to confront

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  • devadmin
    Participant
    #88129 |

    I think the hardest thing I’ve had to confront is how many areas of life I’ve given up on. They aren’t really a ‘problem’ any more because I just don’t go there. ‘Friends.’ ‘A happy marriage.’ ‘Closeness and good conversation.’ As I’m dealing with this, I’m sad when I notice how shut down I’ve become. I don’t want to be dead. Or numb. I don’t want anyone to be that way.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91306 |

    Hi Rick, my name is John. The hardest thing I’ve had to confront is loneliness. It’s funny, I am an extrovert, always reaching out. Except I have never been married, and I have no one very close to me. I have many friends but not anyone I would call close. I have had some girlfriends but none that lasted for very long, although I am seeing someone right now.

    One other thing that I do know is that no matter what I will not give up trying. Writing this, I am reminded of Trotsky’s belief when he was being hunted in Mexico. “Life is beautiful” This is what keeps me going, my own personal optimistic belief about life.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91307 |

    Guys I can say I have had the same problem. I have cried myself to sleep on many nights because of this. I always knew there was something wrong with me up until I was diagnosed a few months back.

    I am also a member of 12 step rooms and I have found that people helping each other improves quality of life.

    We are all very similar and have many different things to offer.

    I am in Toronto and I want to know more about you guys and anyone else who reads this.

    I feel my life is slipping away and I want to enjoy it. Perhaps we can all enjoy it together over coffee.

    I am reaching out because I also feel alone and numb. I have a wonderful girlfriend who is trying hard to understand what I have but like all my relationships I feel this one is finite as well. I find myself giving up on another part of life every day and withdrawing more and more to avoid the shame.

    My only hope is that once I start treatment in January my life will improve and that I may live a somewhat happy and productive live.

    I wish you both the same.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91308 |

    To hell with shame. The only one entitled to judge you is yourself and you already know you’re

    not qualified so scrap that idea and get on with step one up this new road you just found.

    Later on, as you gain experience, you’ll get chances to make the same old mistakes again.

    Once in awhile you’ll find you’re not dead after all and there are signs of growth here and there.

    No hurry though. You have plenty of time to make the same old mistakes over and over until you

    polish them to death and then start to get some successes by accident. You won’t be able to stop

    it from happening no matter how well-developed and entrenched the old self-sabotage complex

    was because you’re starting to kill it by feeding yourself instead of that brainless parasite.

     

    Alone is just a cousin to Lonely, not it’s spouse. You can switch between them or just kick Lonely

    out and let Alone wander in and out anytime. Separated, they add up to nothing. You only give them

    power when you put them together and hold on to them as though they were your only friends. Once

    you unlearn that habit you’ll find that you don’t need to “work” at finding friends after all because they

    never stopped in the first place from coming and going on their own. Let them do that and you won’t

    have to cling to them because the comings always outnumber the goings.

    Friends are like moths and we are unusually bright lights. Most of them keep flying around but the

    ones that land tend to stay put.

     

    Fact is, you’re not numb or dead. That lack of feeling and closeness are just emotional scabs over

    old scratches and scrapes which will dry up and fall off on their own once you stop picking at and

    worrying them by occupying your time with this new project of yours, beating your ADHD. The fresh

    skin thus revealed will be a bit oversensitive at first but if you’re expecting it, you probably won’t be in

    such a rush to scrape and scratch it up again and the help from your doctors and meds will give you

    what you need to give it fresh air, daylight and time to wrinkle up and match your inner character.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91309 |

    Haha!! Ohh man its like everything I am feeling and experiencing is written down here, man I thought I was the only one on this planet going through this , I am sorry i know this is not funny but I cant help but think “YOU EXIST” haha!!

    I don’t know all that I can think about now is how us ADDers rock , and I am not just saying to lift r spirits but really I mean its like we’re soo unique; the way we view things, the way we think EVERY THING I don’t know even with all the hard times I face I cant help but thank god for creating me the way I am (with add) for I simply CANNOT imagine my life with out it. Haha for real….!!!

    #91310 |

    “Whatever” made me smile.

    It is wild to find out you’re not alone, and all the stuff you thought made you so unique and so ‘weird and different’ is not quite so unique.

    I can’t imagine life without ADHD either. Other people seem so boring sometimes. So Literal. Like they are waiting for life to happen. Cautious. And I think, “They’re missing out on a lot of fun.”

    Of course it could be that I can’t imagine what I don’t have.

    And sure, it would be nice to have calmness now and then.

    But mostly, I like this. And I like it more the more I learn how to manage it and use it to my advantage. It becomes a weapon in my arsenal. Rather than a mysterious form of self sabotage.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91311 |

    I dont know why , i felt like i had to come back here and type this… i guess i just wanted to share what i am feeling ryt now. I am tired of doubting myself and everything I do , and giving lame excuses for not being the best I can be. I am sorry but that’s just nonsense and frankly I am tired of this nonsense I cant go on feeling like this , I got a LONG road ahead of me and man do I have stuff to achieve. I just want to be all that I can be and if it means that I have to go that extra mile or give in a little more effort, well then so be it. Life is not meant to be easy, and I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I love my add , true its difficult dealing with everyday challenges with it but .. how do I say this , its simply part of who I am , that’s it , its just like my eye color whether I like it or not, it wont change its color so I might as well like it. So as in from this moment on I will give it my all , and with god almighty by my side I know everything will be just fine :D . take my advice and do the same …. Trust me THIS you wont regret ( by YOU I mean any one who is reading this and has add haha!!!) ohh and remember that add is a part of you NOT the other way around ( nice!!)

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91312 |

    Well… I’ve known I had ADHD my entire life (well 33 of my soon to be 39 yrs). Not to come across as some positive thinking B.S. (I vacillate a fair bit.. but optimism continues to always win the day). Here goes my theory and I’ll stand by it most of the time (unless I’m having an emotionally screwed day). Mind you… screwed is better than celibacy and…. oh yeah… my grand ADHD theory. Here goes:

    You and all of our brethren (oh that sounds grand or macabre or something..) represent the highest peak of of evolution. We are the first generations of the future. Really. This whole internet thing. Webs of interconnected information. As luck would have it… the world has moved in a direction that will benefit us the most! Haven’t you noticed that as the information age has moved further over that past 15 yrs…… things are starting to look a lot like an ADHD brain?

    Too much information? Overload? Brain getting overwhelmed? Don’t get sucked in to the way the non-ADHD people are thinking! It not about what you know… but having the high level scheme of things and then being able to navigate the maze to fill in the gaps with detailed knowledge. I believe our wetware (brains) are best suited for this.

    Anyway… just something to think about. Yes… we will still fit into this world and meds are *good* idea! But if I weren’t ADHD… I can’t think of any medication that would let me access the gifts you already possess!

    Bettyboo
    Member
    #91313 |

    I guess the hardest thing I have had to confront is that I wasn’t recognized as having adhd as a child and only until I was 44 did I realize only because my oldest wasn’t doing well and then I didn’t recognize that my girls had it and so I feel horrible about what I didn’t know which I still feel that if I knew earlier in life that maybe I wouldn’t be divorced today, maybe I would have completed my university degree, maybe my girls wouldn’t be left out for birthday parties, maybe they wouldn’t have been put into a special class, maybe I would been able to help my children, maybe I could have stood up to the bullying from childhood to my first marriage to the educational system that didn’t recognize anything or just told me that most single moms have this difficulty with ther children…feed them better…I can still feel the guilt as to why did I divorce their father…I could have lived through the abuse…who am I kidding!!.

    I don’t have the answers to what could have or not have been and really don’t even want to go there anymore. I know that my guilt is minimized but now what i’m up against is family – my sister doesn’t think we have adhd, her son really doesn’t have it and that doctors/teachers don’t allow for creativity or room for individuality…it doesn’t matter that we are all doing 10x better but no acknowledgment…I get “well you still interupt me” I keep trying to explain that the meds are for my brain I still have to work on my behaviour…I know that I have stopped wanting to be normall or have to worry that someone is going to notice something different. My ex-husband now is upset that I’m pumping med’s into my girls…they are 22/19 years old and can make there own decisions…they do not want to get off of it…they are stuggling with changing the disruptive patterns and habitis of being undiagnosed has created.

    Today it has been 6 months and I’m happier and a lot more comfortable with myself and with experience and time my girls will recognize what they need and will make the decision to change those habits for the better. we all know are brain is at peace and that there are skeptics out there with many different ideas about how to cure adhd the natural way…and well whatever I’m tired of hearing that it’s not real, or it is all about trauma in the womb and that it is about the pharmacutical companies wanting to make money…There going to make money off of me for as long as I live and I’m okay with that because I’m better person because of their so called greed.

    I’m a much better half full glass women, mother, wife, lover…etc and I’m pretty darn funny…you really haven’t noticed in these forums but I sure do have a funny bone and finally I’m cool…I hear all the time compared to feeling like a lost child.

    I think that’s enough seriousness…what do you think.

    Elizabeth

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91314 |

    For me the hardest thing I’ve had to confront is accepting that this is not something that I can just overcome with willpower, as so many people seem to think. I was always told “Just put your nose to the grindstone, just do it and you could do so much with your life!”.

    It has only been in the last few weeks that I’ve reached out to my doctor for treatment options and this site has helped tremendously with that decision. I was fighting so much stigma about ritalin and medication for this condition, that I thought I could just “tough it out”. After seeing so many people who have had success with treatment on this site, I asked myself, “why am I so committed to doing this without help? Aren’t I doing this the hard way?” I haven’t started on meds as yet, but instead of being fearful of them as I used to be, I’m hopeful and looking forward to seeing the changes that this could bring to my life.

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91315 |

    I grew up always knowing I was different from others. I also knew that something very traumatic had to of happened in my early childhood. Because I know that our personalities are formed from birth to 6yrs old. Recently when talking to my sister she commented that when I was born my Mom had a very difficulte delivery & I was delivered with forcepts.She told me that when I was in High school. I was evaluated & the doctor had mentioned to my parents that the use of forcepts had caused some learning disabilities. This was back in 1971 before ADD was known. But yet my parents had never mentioned anything to me. I started doing some research & came upon this web site. What I saw was my life lived by others & i knew I had the answer to what has been ailling me all my life. I never had a chance in school. I attended a small school & was always in split classes(1st & 2nd grades ect.) I never knew what was going on & to make time pass spent my whole childhood in constant daydreams. The only reason I never stayed back was that I became a expert at cheating. I cheated my way thru grammer & high school. Became hooked on booze & drugs. Stayed that way till I hit bottom at 35 yrs.old. Joined A.A sobered up,been clean now for 22yrs. Got serious bout my Christian faith & have got active in my church. Growing up I always thought that I was stupid & lazy. I grew up hearing my Mom tell me things like. You don’t have the brains that God gave geese. Why don’t you use your head for something more than a hat rack & the classic you would forget your head if it wasn’t attached. What a relief to find out that Im none of the above. Ive spent my whole life blameing myself for something I had no control over. I drank & used drugs to mask my symptons. Now I know why my mind is always racing & why I go into mental fogs & can’t seem to get things done. Why I can feel alone in a crowd & why Im still in bed at 3:00pm writing this. Shame it took 57yrs to realize this. I feel at home here knowing that Im not the only one. I have yet to be diagnosed & am not sure if I will seek treatment other than this site. For the past several yrs. my doctor has had me on Zoloft. & that has helped alot. Im diabetic, have high blood presssure & hepatitus c.. & am not thrilled about the prospect of seeing another doctor & taking more medications. But am willing to listen to feedback on this. Just want to say thanks for being here.

    Ginniebean
    Member
    #91316 |

    The hardest thing I’ve had to confront was that I allowed my prejudice and fear keep my son from getting the help he needed. I was diagnosed early on in my life, and for a girl I’m guessing I was probably off the charts hyper to get a diagnosis so young. I knew nothing about adhd, and even tho I did know it existed and that I had it, my son wasn’t ‘hyper’. Well he was just not in school, “hey mom look I can climb the wall look mom look”.

    I regret that I really failed in such an important way.

    Patte Rosebank
    Participant
    #91317 |

    Hey, don’t knock being unattached! I’m a confirmed singleton, and I love it! The lack of responsibilities is wonderful, because I’m free to do as I please, when I please. I don’t have to worry about a spouse, kids, a mortgage, or any of that stuff that seems to drive so many people crazy. When I saw how miserable and downright TRAPPED so many people felt, I chose to “live alone and like it”.

    Sondheim even wrote a song about it, for the movie “DIck Tracy”:

    Live alone and like it

    Free as the birds in the trees

    High above the briars

    Live alone and like it

    Doing whatever you please

    When your heart desires

    Free to hang around or

    Fly at any old time

    No equivocation

    Most of all no guarantees

    That can be your motto

    Free of obligation

    Only the murmuring breeze

    As an obligato

    Live alone and like it

    Why is that such a crime?

    Free to call the tune,

    Free to say if you’re

    Gonna work or play

    You can have the moon

    But you don’t have to have

    It night and day

    Anyway,

    On your own with only

    You to concern yourself

    Doesn’t mean you’re lonely

    Just that you’re free

    Live and alone and like it

    Don’t come down from that tree.

    That’s the answer for me

    That’s the answer for me

    (And it’s the answer for me, too.)

    Anonymous
    Inactive
    #91318 |

    “I think the hardest thing I’ve had to confront is how many areas of life I’ve given up on. They aren’t really a ‘problem’ any more because I just don’t go there. ‘Friends.’ ‘A happy marriage.’ ‘Closeness and good conversation.’ As I’m dealing with this, I’m sad when I notice how shut down I’ve become. I don’t want to be dead. Or numb. I don’t want anyone to be that way.”

    This is so eye opening for me. As a young adult, this is what I fear. What your reality has become because of ADHD. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s just I’ve given up in university, and with each passing year I find the struggle with everyday, adulthood norms more and more disheartening. I don’t want to get to the point where I give up. I have yet to marry, or start a family, as I’m only 24, but this is what I want most in life, along with the steady career. My parents, who have been happily married for 38 years, instilled good morals and values in me. The things I know that I need to have a happy family and marriage, like a good career, strong relationship, healthy routines, good lifestyle habits etc, I feel like they are becoming increasingly harder to attain. I mean how the hell am I ever going to take care of someone else if I can’t even take care of me. I don’t even know where to start!

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