Re: My (long) story

[Anonymous]

@ Chips

I have posted a very similar thought. I am 30 and recently diagnosed. Though the last time I posted I had yet to meet my specialist, I can say I have finally met him and seen him 3 times since.

We spent the better part of the time taking my life history and then completing the sessions with the BROWN’s test. Out of 120 I recall scoring 107 or 108, which I assume is not good.

Due to some irregularity on my ECG I have not started on meds yet.

I have the same hopes you do. That when I get on meds in the next couple of weeks that life will start to clear up and change. In terms of quality of life I am in the same boat.

Though I noticed with each failed year I gave up a different dream and stopped trying on aspects of life, now at the age of 30 I have become somewhat of a recluse. My friends don’t even call anymore because I avoid them. I am reclusive because I am not proud and ashamed that at 30 I have nothing ( with the exception of a good family and loving girlfriend). My relationships have all failed and my current one is also being hurt by my condition. Fortunately the person I am with chose to get educated and be supportive, but it has been a lot for her to handle and discussions of ending what we have, reluctantly of course, have begun. It hurts inside, but I hurt more knowing I am holding someone back.

Interestingly enough though, my negative thinking has been going away. I try to spend a few moments every day thinking about what I do have and how young I really am in the grand scheme of things. HEY MAN, even 50 is young if you care for your body and mind. I try to tell myself the day I was diagnosed was day “zero” .

The battle between discouraging thoughts and encouraging ones is hard. I am well aware I need meds and, though I am skeptical, I have a feeling things will turn out well. I just fear the “what ifs”.

I am still sloppy and broke and confused lol, but I am trying to be patient with the process.

I have taken a conscious effort not to start any major tasks or over exert myself until the ball has gotten rolling. I guess I can call it a Brain vacation.

sorry if I got side tracked, I guess what I was trying to say is

we all have our challenges and accepting that which we can and cannot change helps a lot.

I spent many days in bed after my diagnosis mourning the life I didn’t have and then realized I still have a lot of life to enjoy. I still do at some parts of the day but not as much.

I guess that’s my two cents.

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