My (long) story

[Anonymous]

I’m 41. Quit school in the 10th grade. Looked at some report cards from schools when I was in kindergarten up to 9th grade, guess what they said? Slow, inattentive, can’t focus, trouble seeing things through, doesn’t carry enthusiasm from one task to the next, daydreams, talks to others, doesn’t turn work in on time, forgets things, needs to work on reading comprehension, needs to study more, spends too much time on work and thus has little to no time for leisure … the list is endless.

I find that I am really mad, irritated, upset, and other explicit words, about the fact that I am 41 now and I have 41 years of failure. 41 years of my life gone, wasted, can’t ever get them back. All those years the schools, teachers, parents, and society had the chance to change my future, to send me to a professional for help, all those opportunities gone forever. Now that I am 41 I see my life as 2/3 over. I never held a job for more than 1.5 years (only twice), other times only 6 months or less. Fired from most of my jobs, others I quit, only 2 of 30 did I give a notice to.

I have thought of a million things that would make the world better, inventions which would make life easier, all those thoughts unrealized. I have started a million things, only to quit all those things as quickly as I started them.

I have made everyone I have ever met mad at me. I have no friends. I am alone in this world.

My life is an utter mess and failure. I have no wife, no kids, no money in the bank, I owe a lot of money to student loans, I own nothing but this laptop I write this message on, my clothes, and the old car I drive.

I go to college now at 41 because I need some job (any job) that will make me feel like an appreciated person and a job which I can feel proud to have done. All my good intentions are short lived.

I want to help other people but I do not know how to help myself. I am seeing this quack psychiatrist in my town who claims to be a certified psychiatrist and claims to have 38 years of knowledge who claims to be able to help me. I have been seeing him for a month now and he is driving me crazy. All he wants to do is go over the same old crap we went over the last time I seen him. He provides me with no direction or cures. He keeps coming up with new diagnosis’s which all do a turn about and say the same thing I told him all along.

I do not know if I can focus and continue seeing him. If I do not have a clear direction I just cannot focus or continue. I have a referral to see a Dr of medicine (apparently to get medication). I do not want the side effects of the drugs I just want a cure to all these problems.

I do not know where to go or where to turn. I want help but no one has any answers, or is it just that I have no patience to stay the course to realize the cure? I do not know.

Help

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[Anonymous]

Hey,

I don’t offer advice or help because I am not a doctor. But I support you.

I have recently turned 30 and feel the same way in many respects because I can relate to you 100%. Reading your story made me feel like I have a carbon copy of myself out there.

I have the fear that I will be writing this same letter when I am 41.

I will be starting treatment in January and I hope that my life will turn around.

The conclusion I am coming to thus far is that a life is a good life if you feel you are living. I have started thinking about the quality of life I can give myself with all the positive aspect I posses. I have open myself to the realization that I may not be the marrying type or the parent type. This opens the door to a life of adventure.

My dream was to have a house, a family a career and a good life.

In order to live I happy life I have decided to change the way I think.

You are 41. To be honest 41 is relatively young in my opinion. Old is when you need a cane or sit in a wheel chair and have someone change your diapers lol.

I know it is hard to stay positive. I find it challenging every day to give thanks for what I have and for what I don’t, because I live in a home of over achievers.

“At least”, I tell myself,” I live in a nation and society in which I do have the opportunity to live a better life than someone in the third world country”.

I think that people like us focus too much on traveling this journey alone. I offer to travel it with you and everyone else reading this. Two heads are better than one, and a bunch is even better!

Stay in touch.

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[ADDled]

Well, I’m 56 years old and just got my diagnosis six months ago. Mad? Yes. Angry? Pissed that I have wasted all of my life fighting some unknown enemy? Yes. Feel that my life is over? No way, It’s just starting.

And in reading your story, Ultimaxum, it sounds so familiar. You cannot change the fact you are ADD but you can except the fact you need to learn how to manage it. That approach has worked for me during the last several months. I’ve been lucky because I have a really good support system in place. But that has taken a lot of effort. FInd out who ARE the experts in your area and do what ever you can to get hooked up. It started for me by getting in contact with the local family services/community outreach program. They were in a much better position to recommend those doctors, pyschiatrists, therapists who understand and can help, or point you in the right direction. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE….remember this always. I wish I had this much information and support 40 years ago…..

A famous motivational speaker that I like, Les Brown, said that “If you’re flat on your back, you’ve got nowhere to go but up”.

As far as the side effects from the meds are concerned, that’s a personal choice. I’m not going to say whether you should or not, but in my personal opinion, the benefits far outweigh any side effects (which I’ve never experienced, BTW…). The meds have really help me gain control of my situation, to the point where I could start making changes that I need to accommodate my ADD.

Good luck, stay in touch, and let us know how you’re doing.

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[Anonymous]

Quit the shrink. I am 47, had 80 jobs and got diagnosed 2 years ago. I know your pain. I took 2 years to find a good psychiatrist, highly recommended by a patient, who specializes in ADD, and has ADD. I know of the quacks of which you speak. Quit the shrink and find a psychiatrist that knows ADD inside and out. This is step one. Step two is up to you two to decide. Step three is 99% likely to be self employment. Good luck.

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[Anonymous]

i agree, i am miffed at such a late diagnoses (35)yet all the classic things said to me while in schools…even therapists over the years would piont out how i talk so much and that i just jump from subject to subject and dont focus in the sessions..this has made me so aware of how i am that i feel i cant be me anymore and i just try to keep a lid on it all, everyone pionts out how i am over the top and hyper , they have said these things for years and i feel crushed really….adhd has destroeyd my life and i am just on meds two months and it too early to see big change.. i get so depressed with how i too can start so many good ideas but to repeatedly stop them as quick as i start them.. i feel that adhd undiagnosed for so long has destroeyd my life, i feel beaten, even today as i am so scared to start any good ideas now because i feel such a failure from not being able to ever finish anything, people joke constantly how i never finsih anything, i laugh with them but it depresses me badly inside.. i dont understand how people function on a normal level at all, how do people maintain there homes and do all the shopping for food and laundry etc and have jobs and hold them down and maintain any kinds of relationshiips.. i have become reclusive over the years and i know its good i been diagnosed now, but i fear it too late or that what if meds dont work for me.. i on strattera on low dose and just increased this week.. i tryin to be positive but i have all my life felt so different and frustrated aat myself that i am now in a fairly big hole, i am on antidepressants too and seein a physocologist.. i joined this becasu i know nooone else who has this too and feel verry isolated..thankyou for your posts

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[Anonymous]

@ Chips

I have posted a very similar thought. I am 30 and recently diagnosed. Though the last time I posted I had yet to meet my specialist, I can say I have finally met him and seen him 3 times since.

We spent the better part of the time taking my life history and then completing the sessions with the BROWN’s test. Out of 120 I recall scoring 107 or 108, which I assume is not good.

Due to some irregularity on my ECG I have not started on meds yet.

I have the same hopes you do. That when I get on meds in the next couple of weeks that life will start to clear up and change. In terms of quality of life I am in the same boat.

Though I noticed with each failed year I gave up a different dream and stopped trying on aspects of life, now at the age of 30 I have become somewhat of a recluse. My friends don’t even call anymore because I avoid them. I am reclusive because I am not proud and ashamed that at 30 I have nothing ( with the exception of a good family and loving girlfriend). My relationships have all failed and my current one is also being hurt by my condition. Fortunately the person I am with chose to get educated and be supportive, but it has been a lot for her to handle and discussions of ending what we have, reluctantly of course, have begun. It hurts inside, but I hurt more knowing I am holding someone back.

Interestingly enough though, my negative thinking has been going away. I try to spend a few moments every day thinking about what I do have and how young I really am in the grand scheme of things. HEY MAN, even 50 is young if you care for your body and mind. I try to tell myself the day I was diagnosed was day “zero” .

The battle between discouraging thoughts and encouraging ones is hard. I am well aware I need meds and, though I am skeptical, I have a feeling things will turn out well. I just fear the “what ifs”.

I am still sloppy and broke and confused lol, but I am trying to be patient with the process.

I have taken a conscious effort not to start any major tasks or over exert myself until the ball has gotten rolling. I guess I can call it a Brain vacation.

sorry if I got side tracked, I guess what I was trying to say is

we all have our challenges and accepting that which we can and cannot change helps a lot.

I spent many days in bed after my diagnosis mourning the life I didn’t have and then realized I still have a lot of life to enjoy. I still do at some parts of the day but not as much.

I guess that’s my two cents.

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[Anonymous]

If the doctor hasn’t jumped at a conclusion already that’s a good thing. It shows he’s

actually doing his job and making sure he gets it right the first time. Repetition and

going over the same ground is part of making a map and not missing any landmarks.

The past is just another distraction that you will overcome once the treatment you get

starts to work. The same goes for the frustration, regrets, etc, etc. They are all part of

the symptoms and results of of ADHD and you will find them shrinking into the past as

you start to respond and climb out of the pit with the help of medications and/or therapy.

Look at it this way: After all that we’ve been through we are all a hell of a lot tougher than

most and can easily fight through crap that can and usually does kill ordinary mortals,

especially those who try to get along on tissue-thin illusions like pride or status.

We can live a bit longer and see this through because we know we are suicide-proof

and a few more months or years of the same old crapola doesn’t mean a thing anymore.

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[Anonymous]

The good news is you found this site and people that can relate to your plight.

I don’t have much to add except that I easily could have written your post substituting my age (48) and seeing someone about my “problem”.

I also have lost touch with many fantastic people that have been in my life in the past. Have had every job imaginable. Suffered severe depression for years.

Finding this site has been a real eye opener.

Baby steps today, I’m working on learning more about this and what to do next. I should probably find some professional specialist with ADHD experience that can assist me with whatever meds may need prescribing to become more “normal”.

Hang in there. Stay busy (I guess that goes without saying… we do seem to have more energy then others and somehow are always busy!)

My life is a mess but again, recognizing the symptoms & seeking a diagnosis seems to have opened the vault a tiny crack.

Thanks to those that have shared their experiences and setbacks… It helps to know we are not alone with these problems.

Peace & success.

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[Anonymous]

re mannyc79

thanks for that.. yes your absolutely right, to look at the positive and see that although on one hand it seems so late in life for a diagnosis that there is still lots of life left! your right and i do forget to look at the good, i am too seein that my negative feelings seem to be subsiding since taking strattera..i have been on antideprssants for a year now but the difference when i started meds for adhd had a different effect again, the agro i feel inside is gettin less intense and i although i still have verry little patience when people talking to me it is gettin a little better, i can listen for short moments at a time..i will take on bouard what you said too about not taking on any big projects or tasks as its probably good idea to take things slowly.. i tend to want results instantly! and i cant move my hands or mouth as quick as the pattern in my head..

i relate also to your guilt about holding your parnter back, i too feel that its such a shame for my pertner to be going through this, but then i guess if they have stayed this long then the prospects of things improving due to meds and therepy then it surely gives them some hope, they wouldnt have stayed till now surely if they thought we awfull people?! i do have moments of feeling really bad about it all the same..again i must try and see the positives in this area..

myb my grieving peroid over the life i lost due to late diagnosis is perhaps not so intense, probably due to meds , i am also oercoming my issues of being on meds in the first place, i now accept alot more that adhd is not somethin that can be mended with out help, be it meds or therepist or both.. im gettin over it, and besides its my quality of life im tryin to improve and noone elses..thanks for your positivity and encouragement! its good to be reminded by others in the same boat..thankyou

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Manny, I shared your issues about being on meds. I had never even smoked a joint in my life. (I think perhaps I instinctively knew I would like it waaaaay too much. As well as being scared by those ads, “This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs.” The ads were capturing exactly what was happening to some of my high school friends who were heavily into drugs. Sorry, I digress)

The thing that I feel about meds is that it may not be forever, especially if I use the medication as a stepping stone, and take the calmness and focus it provides to now get in shape, start meditating, organize my house and office and finances and so on. (Most of which I’m actually doing!)

I don’t know if I’ll be on medication forever. But then I used to use a lot of caffeine, and how many coffee drinkers will be on caffeine for the rest of their lives? (Caffeine actually being harder on your body than most ADHD meds from what I’ve read.)

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[Anonymous]

I’m 37 and have not been officially diagnosed, however my father has been, and I can identify my childhood behaviors of “day dreaming” , procrastination, and difficulty sustaining focus, and know that these tendencies have definitely carried themselves into my adult life. While I have been able to learn how to filter out distractions in order to focus on important tasks (ie, workplace tasks, driving, reading etc…) The one area where I know my quality of life would be improved is in my inability to manage time to peruse my other life passions.

I am a creative person (as are most Leo’s I know), and throughout my school years teachers and adults encouraged me to pursue my creative endeavors believing I had potential as a writer. Although I would get inspiration from this encouragement, all my attempts outside of this structured environment would end up uncompleted. In hindsight I think I did well not to get bogged down in depression. despite my frustrations I’ve always remained an optimist. but it did result in me giving up on my creative pursuits to focus on a more “conventional career”.

Well, after many fruitless years of pursuing this elusive “career” I realized I am just not that conventional. I spent the last few years (at least 5 of them) building myself a life that works for me without feeling that I have failed in attaining the “conventional” life everyone else is striving for. I have recently managed to find a job which I do enjoy and fulfills me. It is not 9-5 which also lends itself perfectly to my having time for my passion. I have recently had several offers to collaborate on projects with others but I still struggle on a daily basis to find the confidence, discipline and time management skills to follow through. Are there any other members who are in a creative field who struggled or are struggling with this too?

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[Anonymous]

lazy leo! yes i struggle majorly with my creativity! i have never been able to acheive a conventiomal way of living thoug i have tried due to others expectations of me and regards my creavtivie side i whent to art school, it took me a year longer than the stated time to finish the defree! and the tutors where verrry frustrated at me for the slow speed i worked. i think it was down to verry low self esteem and confidence and discipline and tiem mangaement.. i still struggel with this now, i have all the time i need to do it yet my frustration at startin and stoppin lots of projects and not having good management skills keeps me from gettin anywhere with it.. i have been asked to collaborate too and it kills me that i cant just go for it.. the one passion i have in life and i cant seem to make it happen.. i so identify with you and this also gets me down and depressed,, i find it hard to maintian a tidy flat and daily chores so to add in my chosen life path is even more difficult..i am on meds at moment and am having a bit of trouble with them-strattera, but im hoping in time that these can help me with my creativity..everyone iknow who was in art school has gone on to do great things, while i sit indoors too afraid to do anythin with and startin and stoppin numerous projects.. i really really hope this changes:(

thanks lazyleo for you post!

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[Anonymous]

first thing i would do is drop the shrink then find a book called “Driven To distraction”,,,,,,,,,,,,,like myself u’l see yur name on every other page………………re read 2x 3x and the knowledge gained will help u understand REALLY understand what ADD is about and why u have always felt “Different”

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[Anonymous]

I have a semester of homework due by Monday. I have been web surfing and watching tv all day instead of doing homework. Can get started on a paper as I hate righting. I am 50 and found out I have ADD a few months ago. I feel like I am paralyzed or something. I barley made it out of high school. Failed at college several times but kept at it. I have probably failed and had to retake one out of three classes Ive taken. Except for one semester where I was realy on my game and made the deans list college has been a roller coaster. That was years ago and I am really struggling now. Three more classes to go for my degree and it only took me thirty years. How sad.

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[Patte Rosebank]

No, ADDJoe007, what would be sad is if you just gave up and left it at that. You’re getting a degree! Most people never do that. So what if it took you until you were 50? Some people don’t get a degree until they’re in their 70s or 80s. You’ll still be young enough to really celebrate when you get that diploma!

If you need special arrangements to help you deal with the difficulties caused by your ADHD, you can go to your Student Services department, or to the Faculty of the course you’re taking, and ask for those arrangements. They can help you by providing a note-taker, so you can just focus on listening to the prof and absorbing what he/she is teaching, rather than having to worry about simultaneously taking notes during the lecture. If you have difficulty with paperwork and writing, they can give you some help in organizing your time and the information for your homework. If a full course load is too much for you, then cut it back to a part-time course load and take more time to complete your studies. (I took 5 years to get my 3-year B.A., because the full course load was way too much for me.) Remember, the problem isn’t you. It’s that the school is set up for people whose brains work differently than yours. You can’t adjust your brain structure, so the school has to make some adjustments to its structure, to accommodate your special needs.

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