Re: Life is worse than ever since being diagnosed. What do I do?

[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Hi Wrong-Writer,

I take it from your Online name that you consider yourself someone who makes a different. You right the wrongs. Or does it refer to the fact that you feel everything you do is wrong?

There are some good suggestions here. All valid. But I can tell you, the emotional roller coaster ride doesn’t really change anything. As you’ve discovered. The feelings… both high and low… are ultimately just feelings. A few years ago they were joyful, based on what you’d learned about your ADHD. Then perhaps you had thoughts about having it tamed, managed and being fully functional… (Or something like that.) And it hasn’t turned out that way. So you’re feelings are negative, dark and draining you of your vitality. And in a year fro now. Or two… or whatever. They change.

So the way forward is to acknowledge those feelings, share them, as you’ve done here. But don’t necessarily honour them too much. If we honoured our feelings all the time, then the first time we had a fight with our spouse, and thought that dark thought that we all go to, “I should never have married them! I’d be better off single.” then zero percent of marriages would survive, right? Instead, we’ve made a commitment, and as we cool off, and especially when we consider the argument from our spouses point of view, and give up our point of view as being the only one, or even the right one (And that’s hard.) then of course we realize how much we love them, perhaps we realize how stupid or rude or whatever we have been to them. And we apologize and tell them what we told them in front of all those witnesses at our wedding… that we love them.

So the trick is to have your feelings, and yet understand they are just the results of your expectations.

This is the core of Buddhism. All suffering, all pain, is the result of unfulfilled expectation.

Look around at the world, at your life, and you’ll see it’s true. A furious bride at her wedding expected it to be perfect, and it wasn’t.

An angry investor expected their broker to be honest, and they weren’t.

It may not seem fair that our broker is dishonest, or whatever, but it’s our expectation.

So one of the things to do over the next while is to see if you can let go of your expectations, and ESPECIALLY the expectations of others.

And the other suggestion… Exercise. Get out. Get moving. Walk. Briskly. Or bike.

Exercise does more for your body than almost anything else. And it helps in pretty much any and every medical condition, disease or disorder. The movement, the passing scenery, are especially good for ADHD. We recently interviewed about a dozen experts at an ADHD Conference, and it was amazing how many recommended Exercise.

I know from first hand experience, when I did a bike rally from Toronto to Montreal about five summers ago, my ADHD symptoms went way, way, way down. I was the best shape I’d ever been in. And there were moments on that ride where I was totally at peace and totally present.

Please keep us all posted and let us know what’s happening with you.

And thanks for your posting. You’re speaking for many, many people.

Rick

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