Re: Have I gotten a diagnose? At least im on my way.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I’ve been speaking to my psychiatrist, and he/we decided ADD is my “process”diagnosis. And since then my mood has been swinging like crazy. Im probably starting medication around 20th of may, and since the phonecall where we decided to “call it ADD, I’ve sorts of just dropped everything. I’ve stopped trying to live like I did before, and just let myself go. Im depressive at one moment, and in a super mood the other moment. And my mind cant stop thinking about everything. “Why didnt someone sort this out 15 years ago when I lit my room on fire?”, or “why didnt someone get it when I broke into a mall when i was 13?”

I dunno, but I’m kind of justifying my current behaviour with the fact that im starting with ritalin in two weeks, while at the same time I know I should try to “behave”. At the same time I want to “feel” what ADD is, if you get my drift. I have such a bad conscience about it, especially since my girlfriend gets the worst of it. Which makes my depressions worse because I know I should “behave”. So its a bad cirkle.

And at the same time, I have no idea what the medication is supposed to do for me, which frustrates me even more. It doesnt change who I am, but it is supposed to do me good. But what is defined within “good”?

I am proud of one thing though; i’ve been open about it. Almost too much. Telling everybody about it. But then again, Im afraid that my social status will in the future be “the guy with ADD”.

So, currently, I am emotionally unstable, taking it out on my girlfriend, doubting the relationship, doubting everything really, see myself as a failure, waiting for medication, dont know what to expect, and more or less just f***** up.

REPORT ABUSE