Re: What you may be doing that keeps you from making friends

[gforcewarp9]

Hey–

Thanks,

I forgot to mention a few other postitive social attributes: funny! Lot’s of a.d.d.er’s are just down right pee your pants funny, and I’ve found that people almost always apreciate that. Unless of course, it’s at their expense. Seriously, some of the funniest people I have ever known have a.d.d. A few other positives to add to the list are: genuine, empathetic and despite our motor mouths, genuinely interested in people! (once we reign in the talking about ourselves, which I think is really a nervous habit. I catch myself doing it when I feel really self-concious.) And last but not least, down to earth. In fact, I don’t think I’ve met a single a.d.d.er’ I didn’t like, for all the above reasons! I’ve run in what can be some pretty darn pretensious circles, and that being said, if there is one thing I just can’t stand, it’s pretensious people. I’m hard pressed to think of a single a.d.d.er, no matter what scene in which they may run, who is pretensious. Usually, a.d.d.er’s are very genuine, and I love that. So, while we should all be looking out for pit-falls in our social interactions, lets remember the positives.

Also, I should qualify all of this by saying that I definitely had to work on my social skills. When I was in my 20’s, a couple friends just straight up told me that they were frustrated because whenever they wanted to talk about something, I managed to turn the conversation back to myself. This was before I was even diagnosed. So, as hard as it was for me to hear, I made a real effort to listen and reflect back to people what they were saying. I do not always succeed to this day, but dang it, I do try! A trick I’ve learned is that, whenever I run in to someone, I make a point to ask them about themselves, compliment them in some way (I like your hair, your shoes, your bag, your new tattoo, whatever!) usually starts a conversation about them. Also, If I know them at all, I try to remember what they were doing in their lives the last time I saw them, and I ask them about it —but, I’m 40, and I’ve had to make a downright concerted effort on all fronts. I mean, I used to just have a @#%%^! you attitude. You don’t like me well who cares. Now that I’m older, that old shoe doesn’t fit so well, but at the same time, the more you accept yourself, the more others will accept you to. At least I hope!

I say all this like maybe I have it all figured out, but I don’t. My life’s been a real work in progress and I still screw up lots, and I still struggle with feelings of inadequecy on and off. So I say all the above as a reminder to myself as well.

I just want all of us to stop feeling so bad and wierd and awkward all the time.

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