Re: Need advice for an out of control totally ADD Family

[Anonymous]

The first thing I would recommend is for you to take a deep breath and stop being so hard on yourself. Yes, it seems that things are worse, but they may simply need to get worse before they get better. Having been a child with a sibling with ADHD and parents with ADHD I can say this was certainly the case for me.

Now, that being said, the first thing you all need to do is open up the channels of communication as widely as possible between all of you. Be willing to say, “This is really frustrating for me. Can I have a minute and we’ll deal with this when we’re all ready?” or “You’re still mad. Stay here and calm down when you are ready, come and talk to me. I’ll be waiting so we can work this out.” Being able to step back from the anger and the hurt can go a long way. The same goes for celebrating successes when they occur.

When things go wrong, try and use humour to diffuse situations rather than getting defensive. It will show your children positive ways of overcoming difficulties and frustrations in a positive manner.

Set up structure and routines that make sense for everyone. For example, my brother really like vacuuming because it was so loud but he always dropped dishes. The vacuum was too overstimulating for me but I didn’t mind washing the dishes because I could listen to music and just operate on autopilot and have some alone time. Both of these were done right after dinner so it was easy to remember to do them. I folded laundry with mom so we had the chance to talk and my brother helped her bake so he could lick the spoons and whatnot. We tried to make things as painless as possible. Because they were chores or tasks that we chose it gave us a sense of ownership and control and she didn’t have to fight as much. They were also ones we could do without it being too painful.

Also, sometimes you just need a chance to all take a break either together or separately so that everyone can recharge. Forcing yourself and your kids to have the same busy over-scheduled week as every other family with a perfectly tidy house and a solid routine isn’t going to get you anything but frustrated. Take a few moments every once in a while to remind each other that you’re a family and there is a lot of love in that house. It’s that love that will help you all get through this.

These aren’t coaching methods. But these are things that will help. This is a difficult time in your lives and acknowledging that and working together to find ways of getting through it will help.

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