Reply To: Someone help! I have no idea if I am a mess or if I have undiagnosed ADD??

[halobender]

Bumbleboo. I’m by no means a professional so please only view my response as relating to my own personal and witnessed experiences and not that of a medical professional.

Now then. I’m just a middle aged fellow myself and willingly admit that the female sex faces their own set of challenges. I however feel like I can in many ways relate to what you have shared. Not only in my own life but from what I have witnessed in regards to my own now fifteen year old daughter.

Many things you wrote sound to me like an issue most men suffer with. Which sadly includes myself at times. No, I’m not referring to selective hearing. I’m referring to FEAR. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failure.

Fear can be a great deturant to forward movement in our lives. If we permit fear to control our lives then we remain where we are, completely unmoved or even worse, backtracking. Fear gives us an attitude and outlook of giving up. Even so much as giving up without first attempting effort.

It is my opinion that this type of fear is in direct correlation to over thinking and maintaining control. The process starts with a single question in our minds. What if?…. “What if I get a D?, What if I fail the class?, What if I miss out on doing such-and-such?, What if s/he doesn’t like me?” This single question continues on one after another in an attempt to predict a certain outcome. Each What if offering a different path, all spiraling out of control. Anxiety OVERLOAD!!

Generally speaking the answer to the what if wormhole is to give up or to procrastinate. Doing this awards us with a sense of control. Unfortunately the control is a false safety net as it only results in making everything require extra efforts in order to succeed.

You mention not being able to focus and that homework is not being turned in or that it is turned in late. That this is due to a lack of focus. I think you may be a little confused with what focus implies and instead I believe you lack drive and incentive. First start by actually examining what you are doing in place of what you should be doing. What is it you choose to do? YouTube? Television? Music? Phone? Friends? Why do you chose to do whatever that is? When going to school, what exactly has you arriving later than your sister? Do you keep a calendar of upcoming tasks? Do you keep a journal? Do you have a daily scheduled routine? Are you involved with extra curricular activities at school? Are you depressed, anxious, etc? Self harm? Eating a balanced diet? Stable home environment?

I am in no way suggesting that you are a lazy person. You wouldn’t have posted here if that were the case. I would however push you to look for any opportunity to make positive change in your life without finding it first in the form of a pill. There are many people who would tell you drugs like Adderall have saved their lives. While others who have taken the drug would caution its use. These drugs are not a one way ticket to a happy-go-lucky life where everything is easy.

The world we live in has progressed to become quite the complex place. My own youth was far different than the realities that you face. Social media has taken its own toll on personal development and true social interactions. I’m so glad that my time came before and that I am not in your shoes.

On a personal note. My daughter, who again is roughly your age, currently in the 10th grade, seems to have much in common with you. She is very bright as you sound to be as well. Much of your post was as if I was reading something she might have wrote a year ago. Her grades began to drop around seventh grade and continued on into ninth. Her book bag filled with old mostly complete assignments. She was consistently late, no matter where she was going. When I would ask her why, she never had much of a response other than “I don’t know”. I did my best to offer positive encouragement and reasoned that it was merely a phase. I soon learned that my approach was incorrect. Oddly enough I had went through a similar scenario when I was that age. What did I do in my own life to change? That’s a whole other story but suffice to say that I was determined to help her not take the same path. Today about fourteen months later she is happy, maintaining > 4.5 gpa, and actively involved with friends and activities.

How did she do it? Note it was all her. She made personal choices and acted on them. I merely offered my support where I could and where she would allow. She began visiting with a therapist who helped her identify issues. She was living a life full of anxiety. She developed a schedule, kept a calendar, and pushed herself to complete tasks. It didn’t all happen overnight and was not easy by any means. Even today she faces struggles. Especially with punctuality. Still she continues moving forward everyday doing the best she can.

Talk to someone. See a therapist. Examine yourself. Be honest. Try to improve by way of changes to habit. Please do not push yourself into a belief that a pill will fix everything. Especially due to some online test. You know a few weeks ago I was not feeling well and confined to the couch. I went online to input my symptoms. Oh my! I had every scary disease known to man. In reality I was just exhausted and needed a break.

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