Someone help! I have no idea if I am a mess or if I have undiagnosed ADD??

[bumbleboo]

Hi guys,

I am desperate to get some advice on my current situation- I am a sixteen year old girl who has always struggled with school work focus and organisation. My school picked up on issues surrounding my punctuality for example they began to notice my sister would get in on time but i would always be late despite us taking the same journey. They set me up with a mentor to get over my learning blocks and this was in September. There has been no improvement and I am so scared for my looming exams. I sit down and I can’t focus or get anything done and even when I know its crucial I still don’t do it. For example I doing a college application and had the page open all day. I had to write 500 words on why I wanted to go there and not only did I leave it till the very last minutes to start writing I ended up missing the deadline and my dad had to ring up and ask them if I could still apply. I can never understand why I am like this and I find it really hard in school because everyone is very academic and people assume I am dumb or ditsy because I am constantly getting bad grades and called on in class.Every term I say something will change but no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to change and it is impacting on how i feel about myself and my abilities. People have called me lazy and underachiever and my parents say I ‘have my head in the clouds’ because they don’t think I care about my exams. Its driving me crazy because the sad thing is I care so much and I want to do really well and I can do well but theres something stopping me from getting there. i have looked online and taken online tests and they nearly always come out as 100%. I don’t know if i am self diagnosing but what do you all think? I am scared because when college comes round next year I can’t keep battling this its ruining me and my life in all areas- my bag is a constant mess as in disgusting mess and the other day my mum made me take out one of hundreds of pieces of floating schoolwork and it was dated from 2015!!! 3 whole years ago?! I can never sit still and just d something even something sooo simple seems so hard for me hence why i can’t remember the last time i handed in significant homework on time or why i can never finish tests or keep focused in 45 minute lessons. and its annoying becayuse i just want to make my teachers and parents walk in my shoes for one day for them to realise :(((((((((((((( AHHHHH HELP!!!

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[That Guy with ADHD]

Hi Bumbleboo and welcome to the forums.

I’m sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. ADHD is a complex disorder and can’t be diagnosed easily nor should it be diagnosed based on a single blog entry. You do seem to be experiencing some traits that are consistent with ADHD. I would recommend that you try and find a doctor in your area that specializes in ADHD so you can be properly assessed. In the meantime learn about ADHD through books, articles, videos, blogs, and forums. There are some excellent examples of those on this site. While waiting for your assessment try getting more physically active and eat an ADHD friendly diet. You can also find a local ADHD support group in your area to attend.

Best wishes.

Richard
AKA That Guy with ADHD

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[halobender]

Bumbleboo. I’m by no means a professional so please only view my response as relating to my own personal and witnessed experiences and not that of a medical professional.

Now then. I’m just a middle aged fellow myself and willingly admit that the female sex faces their own set of challenges. I however feel like I can in many ways relate to what you have shared. Not only in my own life but from what I have witnessed in regards to my own now fifteen year old daughter.

Many things you wrote sound to me like an issue most men suffer with. Which sadly includes myself at times. No, I’m not referring to selective hearing. I’m referring to FEAR. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failure.

Fear can be a great deturant to forward movement in our lives. If we permit fear to control our lives then we remain where we are, completely unmoved or even worse, backtracking. Fear gives us an attitude and outlook of giving up. Even so much as giving up without first attempting effort.

It is my opinion that this type of fear is in direct correlation to over thinking and maintaining control. The process starts with a single question in our minds. What if?…. “What if I get a D?, What if I fail the class?, What if I miss out on doing such-and-such?, What if s/he doesn’t like me?” This single question continues on one after another in an attempt to predict a certain outcome. Each What if offering a different path, all spiraling out of control. Anxiety OVERLOAD!!

Generally speaking the answer to the what if wormhole is to give up or to procrastinate. Doing this awards us with a sense of control. Unfortunately the control is a false safety net as it only results in making everything require extra efforts in order to succeed.

You mention not being able to focus and that homework is not being turned in or that it is turned in late. That this is due to a lack of focus. I think you may be a little confused with what focus implies and instead I believe you lack drive and incentive. First start by actually examining what you are doing in place of what you should be doing. What is it you choose to do? YouTube? Television? Music? Phone? Friends? Why do you chose to do whatever that is? When going to school, what exactly has you arriving later than your sister? Do you keep a calendar of upcoming tasks? Do you keep a journal? Do you have a daily scheduled routine? Are you involved with extra curricular activities at school? Are you depressed, anxious, etc? Self harm? Eating a balanced diet? Stable home environment?

I am in no way suggesting that you are a lazy person. You wouldn’t have posted here if that were the case. I would however push you to look for any opportunity to make positive change in your life without finding it first in the form of a pill. There are many people who would tell you drugs like Adderall have saved their lives. While others who have taken the drug would caution its use. These drugs are not a one way ticket to a happy-go-lucky life where everything is easy.

The world we live in has progressed to become quite the complex place. My own youth was far different than the realities that you face. Social media has taken its own toll on personal development and true social interactions. I’m so glad that my time came before and that I am not in your shoes.

On a personal note. My daughter, who again is roughly your age, currently in the 10th grade, seems to have much in common with you. She is very bright as you sound to be as well. Much of your post was as if I was reading something she might have wrote a year ago. Her grades began to drop around seventh grade and continued on into ninth. Her book bag filled with old mostly complete assignments. She was consistently late, no matter where she was going. When I would ask her why, she never had much of a response other than “I don’t know”. I did my best to offer positive encouragement and reasoned that it was merely a phase. I soon learned that my approach was incorrect. Oddly enough I had went through a similar scenario when I was that age. What did I do in my own life to change? That’s a whole other story but suffice to say that I was determined to help her not take the same path. Today about fourteen months later she is happy, maintaining > 4.5 gpa, and actively involved with friends and activities.

How did she do it? Note it was all her. She made personal choices and acted on them. I merely offered my support where I could and where she would allow. She began visiting with a therapist who helped her identify issues. She was living a life full of anxiety. She developed a schedule, kept a calendar, and pushed herself to complete tasks. It didn’t all happen overnight and was not easy by any means. Even today she faces struggles. Especially with punctuality. Still she continues moving forward everyday doing the best she can.

Talk to someone. See a therapist. Examine yourself. Be honest. Try to improve by way of changes to habit. Please do not push yourself into a belief that a pill will fix everything. Especially due to some online test. You know a few weeks ago I was not feeling well and confined to the couch. I went online to input my symptoms. Oh my! I had every scary disease known to man. In reality I was just exhausted and needed a break.

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[bethany]

I second That Guy With ADHD’s advice. I think it would really help you to see a doctor who can diagnose you with ADHD or rule out ADHD so that you can move forward. But until you get a diagnosis there are many resources online that will teach you coping strategies. That’s what I’m doing now.

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[bumbleboo]

Thank you for your advice it’s great to hear back from people who have a better understanding of the strategies that are available ! 🙂

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[bumbleboo]

hi @halobender wow thank you for such a detailed response it really means a lot! Without a structured doctors opinion i have bared in mind and hoped it might not be adhd and it could be the pressure and fear of failure that is causing such a concerning pattern in my behaviour so its great to hear from someone who has a developed opinion on the matter and has a daughter who had similar experiences! thank you 🙂

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[bumbleboo]

Hi Richard,

thanks for getting back to me! I have since contacted my doctor who seemed concerned and is continuing to assess all different options i.e. adhd or not but obviously its a long process so thank you for the advice in the meantime and funnily enough my doctor also said exercise and diet are a great way to get a handle of adhd- so i goes i’ll be looking in to those two in the meantime and this website and loads others are super informative to help me understand what i might / might not be dealing with so i am glad I’ve found them!

Once again thanks a lot for the advice 🙂

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[That Guy with ADHD]

I’m glad to hear it bumbleboo! 😀😀😀😀

Best of luck finding the answers!

Your friend

Richard
AKA That Guy with ADHD

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[halobender]

@bumbleboo understanding you need a new strategy in order to succeed is a great start. As you move ahead from this step, no matter the approach. Know that every day will always present its own set of challenges. The idea is to hopefully have a better understanding about overcoming them. Don’t be afraid of asking for help even so much as involving your parents. Most importantly believe in yourself and never give up.

-hb

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