Reply To: That which wasn’t

[ladyviking48]

Hello halobender.well I’m new on this site also.I think I only made 1 other post.I’ve mostly been reading other people’s stories. Thanks for sharing.Your post seemed to help me take the plunge and just post.you really hit home some of the feelings I experience. As that add guy said to be here is among friends.I feel like we can all share even vent a little here.Seems like many of us have struggles with our add/adhd. I too write novels.I also grow bored and impatient when reading, sometimes listening. I get bored and ‘cut to the chase’ skipping chapters or skimming book chapters from back to front. I have difficulty organizing my thoughts in a clear concise manner and I know it. Trying really hard for a thought or piece of work to be respectable and decipherable and “good enough” may be disguised as perfectionism.Or boredom. It seems to take me more mental energy to do mental tasks the later the day gets. I’m no good after 6pm. Less hi thinking tasks then.Especially if its a busy work day or if I’ve had to pretend to be somebody else for 8 hrs, and be “on” at my job dealing with lots of people and changing situations.once I get home I can be myself.Im best off having wind down time. I’m not particularly fond of crowds for long periods.I prefer my regular people/ friends for shorter visits.I also procrastinate projects especially ones that are not paid.My thoughts race like a bobsled which hops over to the other lane on its own.I have tapes of negativity that i tell myself that remind me of my deficits.I try not to listen to those thoughts.Sometimes I interupt people randomly,mostly cause i’m excited to say something that connects me to what the other person is saying..not to compete or, not that i dont care what the person said. I try really hard not to at work.We know there are rules we need to follow to get along with everyone in life:at work, at school, relationships in general. Sometimes it takes lots of mental energy to do it.I also feel like I am going to be unmasked. Everyone will know about my deficits, feelings of inadequacy,being overwhelmed, confusion with communication, lonliness. (Even if you can’t see my struggles within.)I try hard just to keep up with everyday living tasks.Sometimes trying to keep life organized,on time, family visited, cared for, work done,yes I feel not good enough,effective enough, tidy enough. Like the gig is up.. the fear of being unmasked. Well halobender and add guy Somehow just letting this information out to others who can understand feels very good. I feel like maybe we are all here for a reason. Maybe this is where we realize we are allowed to be who we are and it is ok. Were all on a journey, all trying to learn and improve and find some new ways to cope and find acceptance of our good and valuable gifts and traits plus accept some of our weaknesses. Build on our gifts and strengths.my motto is different is ok.I dont wanna be like everyone else.

Thanksfor sharing and letting me share! Ladyviking48

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