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It’s my adhd normal. Sorry about this wordiness. I guess I’m in the mood for journaling, Just not alone. When I ran 6-10 miles a day, drank 16 oz or more Coke, Dr Pepper, after school and before I went to bed, or chocolate shakes and seemingly ate constantly it was much less inconsistent. I could then tolerate the ADHD, because it was always covered up with activity, mental and physical. With the before bed soda and being exhausted, I felt I never had a sleep problem. I was fit, I led, except for sugar, a heathy life, etc..,.
I really did, but I knew every time things slowed down, that I was different, that there were things I was missing. Things I observed that no one paid attention to, and things many other people talked about, or did, that I didn’t understand, or thought were irrelevant to anything, or desperately wanted to some how learn to understand, and learn how to fit in but never did.
Despite all efforts, in the end the things I did were mostly good, sometimes important, but never really directed by me, and never really related to who or what I wanted to be, or what I wanted to do. I was so busy doing, unconsciously, or knowingly trying to find what I wanted to do, what I could do and at the same time never being able to do so. That sounds superficial to me, and is way more than what you asked.
As far as anxiety for me that didn’t really happen until others around me pointed out the flaws, (I was about 3 years old) and when eventually I started (age 4) pointing them out inwardly to myself, and when I finally discovered, that there were areas or situations that I really didn’t have immediate control or awareness over in my own life, or understanding others lives in ways that others seemed to never blink about.
And yet there were some situations where I was always confident, and usually competent. And occasionally the former was inconsistent.
Not up or down, just not always the same, sometimes really good, sometimes really bad, sometimes, seemingly perfectly normal. But the differences were due to what others would see as inconsequential minor instances leading to a different chain of events. I’ll leave now.