The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Other › 21year old son in university and everything he has been telling us is a LIE !!! › Re: 21year old son in university and everything he has been telling us is a LIE !!!
Here’s what I learned after sending my son with Aspergers/ADHD to college for four years.
Just because your child seems able to cope well at high school and while living at home, does not count for anything once they are on their own at collage. Once they leave the oversight and structure you provided at home, there is a high risk that everything will unravel.
The worst thing you can do, is to believe the talk the colleges give to parents about letting go and giving the kids independence. The colleges don’t like helicopter parents of course. You should make quite clear to the college that because of the disability and the high risk it presents, not only of academic failure, but also the of worsening co-morbidities like depression and anxiety, extra supervision is essential.
The collages make a big deal about your child’s privacy, but it is very easy for them to have your child sign a privacy waiver each year. The same is true of any medical facility on campus. They don’t like to offer this because it is more work for them. Don’t do any of this until your child has been accepted by the collage.
Once they leave college, you may still have to be involved if there is a need. Doctors, therapist, and even the workforce center (job center) can allow your child to sign privacy waivers so you can be part of the process. When it comes to therapist, they can use their discretion as to what they share with you, but you need to know the general situation.
These are things I didn’t figure out until after my son had finished his degree (or so we thought). Sorting out the aftermath was only possible because I became actively involved in dealing with the collage, doctors, therapist, and work agencies. My son did get a degree in Political Science in the end. A few years later, it’s still a case of constant monitoring, but it is getting better.
Bottom line is, accept that you may have to be actively involved in you child’s affairs right through college and beyond, just as you were when they were in high school and living at home.
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