Re: 26 and never knew

[Gryffindork]

I’m 56 and was diagnosed about one year ago. I had gone to see a therapist about depression. She asked during our first session if I had been tested for ADD. I looked at her like she had asked if anyone had noticed I have an extra nose. What?!?

My emotional response has been supreme sadness that I didn’t find out at when I was 26. My life has been very hard, in many ways. I also feel extreme relief at FINALLY understanding what the problem is and always has been. Unfortunately, I’m unable to take stimulant medication for health reasons. I would love to try it. The antidepressant does a pretty good job, but it seems as though it could be better.

It’s OK. I feel pretty good, and I give myself a lot of breaks. I’ve been misunderstood, shamed, beaten, scorned, humiliated, ridiculed and abandoned by teachers, family members & spouses. I’ve also been angry & frustrated and sometimes, really mean. I didn’t understand WHY I seemed to attract this frustration & abuse. Or why I was so angry. I thought I was broken in some way; simply a lousy person. Now I get it. Yes, it has taken an emotional toll. I’ve suffered with depression for much of my adult life. I’m easily overwhelmed & have difficulty connecting to others. I used to enjoy parties & groups of people when I was your age. Not anymore. I’d really rather be alone. I don’t feel sorry for myself. It’s just …cause & effect. My small circle of kind friends love & support me, despite my hermit-y ways.

I’m still working on routines & ways of coping with day-to-day life. I seem to have figured out my work patterns. I keep my desk like the deck of an aircraft carrier, so that I can focus on one thing at a time. I get interrupted a lot, so I write down every single thing I need to do & refer to that list all day long. I minimize the use of post-it notes and I recycle scraps of paper. Everything on my computer has a folder. I leave nothing on the desk top.

Home is a different matter, but I’m working on it. Little successes really help my outlook on life. When I remember to wash the dishes, make my lunch or take my pills I feel like I’m a normal person. I AM a normal person…I just have have a different sort of brain. There are excellent resources for organizing out there. Some people find FlyLady.net insipid, but I have found her to be most helpful when dealing with clutter & trying to establish routines.

So, hang in there. You’re lucky to find out so young, because there’s lots of help available. It gets better. 😉

REPORT ABUSE