26 and never knew

I’ll bet there are all kinds of fellow ADDers like me who are nodding our heads at everything you said. Especially the part about calling ourselves lazy….and not realizing that the struggles we face are actually kind of unique. I too didn’t get diagnosed until just a few months ago, after years of struggling and coping. Going crazy over school, and figuring that maybe I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I mean, everyone else seemed to be doing OK, and I knew I was smart, so what was the problem?

It wasn’t until, like you, someone pointed out to me that I might have ADD and suggested I come to this site to learn more that I realized that the inability to stay on focus was NOT a problem for most other people. It’s like someone switched the lights on and all of a sudden you realize that not many people share this propensity for juggling about a million thoughts in your head, worried that you might lose a few of them if you don’t get them out on time. Ugh. I mean, the thoughts are generally pretty cool, but there are just so *many* of them, you know?

Anyway – thanks very much for sharing your story! It’s encouraging to me to read others’ stories about their “pre-diagnosis” days. Helps put things in perspective.

I’m 56 and was diagnosed about one year ago. I had gone to see a therapist about depression. She asked during our first session if I had been tested for ADD. I looked at her like she had asked if anyone had noticed I have an extra nose. What?!?

My emotional response has been supreme sadness that I didn’t find out at when I was 26. My life has been very hard, in many ways. I also feel extreme relief at FINALLY understanding what the problem is and always has been. Unfortunately, I’m unable to take stimulant medication for health reasons. I would love to try it. The antidepressant does a pretty good job, but it seems as though it could be better.

It’s OK. I feel pretty good, and I give myself a lot of breaks. I’ve been misunderstood, shamed, beaten, scorned, humiliated, ridiculed and abandoned by teachers, family members & spouses. I’ve also been angry & frustrated and sometimes, really mean. I didn’t understand WHY I seemed to attract this frustration & abuse. Or why I was so angry. I thought I was broken in some way; simply a lousy person. Now I get it. Yes, it has taken an emotional toll. I’ve suffered with depression for much of my adult life. I’m easily overwhelmed & have difficulty connecting to others. I used to enjoy parties & groups of people when I was your age. Not anymore. I’d really rather be alone. I don’t feel sorry for myself. It’s just …cause & effect. My small circle of kind friends love & support me, despite my hermit-y ways.

I’m still working on routines & ways of coping with day-to-day life. I seem to have figured out my work patterns. I keep my desk like the deck of an aircraft carrier, so that I can focus on one thing at a time. I get interrupted a lot, so I write down every single thing I need to do & refer to that list all day long. I minimize the use of post-it notes and I recycle scraps of paper. Everything on my computer has a folder. I leave nothing on the desk top.

Home is a different matter, but I’m working on it. Little successes really help my outlook on life. When I remember to wash the dishes, make my lunch or take my pills I feel like I’m a normal person. I AM a normal person…I just have have a different sort of brain. There are excellent resources for organizing out there. Some people find FlyLady.net insipid, but I have found her to be most helpful when dealing with clutter & trying to establish routines.

So, hang in there. You’re lucky to find out so young, because there’s lots of help available. It gets better. 😉