Oh KrazyKat! I wish I could give you a big hug and say take a deep breath and let’s look at this one piece at a time.
From what I understand about ADD meds (and today is just day 1.5 for me!), is that they work pretty much right away, if they are going to work. And with ADD it is aiding a biological problem, not mood altering. With depression/anxiety meds, the process is a bit longer. (again, speaking from a layperson’s knowledge, and with NO actual authority on the subject!)
I feel like any anxiety or depression I personally have gone through, has been a direct result of trying to cope with my ADHD. So much in chaos in my life, which is just getting worse as I get older. It’s no wonder that my self-esteem has been low, that I have at times dealt with depression, that I’ve self-medicated, etc, etc. I’ve been coping with something I didn’t know existed!
The deficit vs strength concept for your son is an interesting one! Like my failure in Home Ec & Art, but As in most other subjects. No one noticed because they weren’t “important” subject. Arguably, they told more of the story than my A in science or english. If only someone had stopped to really look at why I had failed…
But, back to you! I think it sounds like your doc is saying that the ADHD specialist will diagnose you and recommend treatment based on your symptoms and his expertise, not just because he wants everyone to have ADHD! 
But I’m betting he’s hearing your concern about your anxiety issues and wants to be sure that those are addressed as well. He actually sounds kind of fair – he believes in a certain style of treatment, but he understands that not everyone is in the same camp, so he’s letting you have some control over the process.
I don’t know if that helps at all? *big hug* You will be ok. You are taking the steps and that is more than half the battle! Deep breath and some patience (I know, I know…..but pretend for now and maybe a little patience will show up?)
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