Well. I think I have finally made a decision, based on events of the last few days. I will try the analysis, BUT I also want to pursue the ADHD angle further and will ask to be referred. Originally I was thinking I should wait, but I now believe I need to act sooner, and here’s why…
a) I nearly drove up the back of somebody again yesterday. I was distracted by the car next to me, who had stupidly pulled in ahead of a big truck, and I was looking to see the reaction of the truckie, and to see what sort of person would be stupid enough to pull in front of a big truck. So I forgot that I was driving in heavy traffic and barely stopped in time when I turned around to discover the car in front of me had stopped. This is a frequent occurrence for me, and I have also had several accidents as a result of impulsive decisions, or distraction.
b) Out of curiosity and a sort of desparation, I tried one of my son’s Ritalin 10mg today when I had to drive in busy traffic. I really noticed a difference in my ability to focus on driving and not be distracted by the kids’ chattering and my surroundings.
I know the legalities (and dangers) of using somebody else’s medication, but I really wanted to have a basis for further decision making. I didn’t want to find that I pursued the ADHD angle only to find that the medications are not helpful. And I also wanted to be able to “back up” my reasoning with some evidence. The driving issue is one that scares me at times, and to be able to deal with it NOW, instead of later, would be really good. If the therapy helps in the long term, then that’s great, but for now, I would like to feel a bit safer.
I wasn’t too keen on the side effects though. My muscle tension hit the roof, and I can still feel it in my chest, back, shoulders, and up my neck and jawline. I also had some gastric irritation, which subsided when I had a drink of milk (I did make sure I took the tablet with food). I haven’t done much else that requires focus, so the driving was the only thing I really can say I noticed an improvement in….and my brain was a bit quieter too, which was really nice, as I rarely find peace within my thoughts.
My plan now is to ask for a referral to the ADHD doc, so I can be assessed and hopefully given medication to try. I plan to only use it when needed – driving in traffic (most of my driving is to work and school and only involves light traffic and short distances, so it wouldn’t be often), and high demand times in my week – maybe when work is busy, or when I have lots to do and need to be focussed, or when the housework is spiralling out of control and I need to get things done. I also would like to go down the therapy/analysis track, to see if I can work through things to improve my life overall. Hopefully going down the ADHD path doesn’t mean I cannot do the therapy.
Thank you all for being there, and listening. Things were so confusing and stressful and I really felt adrift there for a bit, but you helped me think things through and let me vent. Now I just need to talk to my doc 