Personally I have been married to an ADHD person for 21 years and we are still as in love as the day we married. I met my spouse in the military and we dated long distance for 6 months. So we had to connect via mail and phone. There was none of the physical things that get in the way of finding a true match. A lot of couples figure a little sex is going to fix an otherwise ho hum connection. But at the basis of our relationship is a shared moral and ethical code. I am a believer in god and he is afraid that there isn’t one but when things get dicey he wants to believe. We both wanted kids and we wanted to be with someone who would believe in us. I was the oldest and used to being a caregiver and he was the youngest wanting to be looked after.
Things changed when we had kids and he had to share me with them. He got resentful for a few years that they needed me and he couldn’t be the centre of the world any longer. He got over it when he found that now he had someone he could train to love his hobbies that I don’t share. He could take them artifacting and hunting for autographs. They would listen while he pontificated about things that frankly bored me to tears. He never really became an active caregiver but would babysit when I had to go out.
Now that our kids are much older they have their own lives and don’t want to spend as much time with us. So that leaves us to connect again and enjoy the hobbies we haven’t had the time or energy to do since they were born. DH is organized (in his own fashion) and rarely loses things. Our symptoms are completely different and we can support the other person to be the best in their own way. I never have to wonder where I stand with him and neither does he. He is my best friend and is always there for me.
I am a great believer in the notion that you need to find someone that enjoys at least a few of the things that you do, but I also believe that you have to be willing to try everything and find new hobbies with the person that you find. Don’t spend all your time looking for chemistry because after the initial reaction is over you still have to face that person in the mirror. Marriage is hard enough when you find someone you actually like and respect impossible if you only look for someone that you have a sexual spark with but when that is gone there is nothing else left in your relationship. Since you are resolved to never marry or have children, have you thought how this is going to affect the long term prospects of your relationship. If you find a woman who embraces the same future as you what happens 5 years down the road when she finds someone that she does want to marry or have children. Unless you find a woman over child rearing age there is always the prospect that she may change her mind about the child thing, or you might.
You want a person you have a chemical spark with that can hold an intelligent conversation with that believes in the infinity of the universe. I am not saying that you can’t find everything but are you willing to boil your connection down to a good companion and someone you have something in common with. Sexual chemistry is a great component but it evolves as your relationship does. It isn’t like putting a puzzle together it is very dynamic and when there is true trust in a relationship it becomes so much richer and can really cement a relationship. Have you tried going to some of the Sci-fi conventions that are held every year. Your avatar says Film Buff and most libraries have film clubs or they are offered throughout most good size cities. I do not want you to settle but I do want you to think about who you are at your essence. What are your relationship absolutes.
Then think about what you bring to the table. You are progressive does that mean you empower your partner to follow her own path. Would you be supportive of a partner that traveled to get a true sense of who she is. Are you open to a more open relationship if she does not embrace the option of monogamy. Can she be older or much younger. Are you willing to relocate to be with her. Once you take out all the physical aspect of your ideal match then you can start looking for the person who is your ideal. Don’t write of any of your good female friendships as one of these woman may have everything you are looking for if you actually had some chemistry.REPORT ABUSE