The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Is It Just Me? › ADD and holds grudges › Re: ADD and holds grudges
Like many other aspects of ADHD, there seems to be a dichotomy in the whole “holding grudges- being angry” issue. Just like our inability and ability to focus on details, emotionally, it seems there are times when we really sweat the small stuff and times we don’t at all. The real crap hole here is that sweating the small stuff makes us look insane and and not sweating small stuff makes us look like we don’t care.
As for myself, I noticed that I only hold a grudge after that certain line is crossed. An anger and rage as fierce and fiery as the Balrog Monster of Lord of the Rings movie (goggle it) can erupt and make its presence known. And hours could be spent going over certain events and how they should have gone and what should have been said… re-viewing, assigning blame, justifying, etc….
ADHD’ers seem to develop a tough skin over time. I know I’ve let thousands of unpleasant and unflattering remarks about me slide of my back… I’ve been unfairly painted with a pejorative paint brush only to swipe it aside… And yet there are people who stung me so bad, they hang on Grudge Hollows Hill to this day. Most of them hang there because they’ve exploited my condition against me in someway…in a deeply painful way. And it’s especially painful when you yourself are unaware that you’ve have a condition that is exploitable. So they end up banished….
I wonder if getting all wound up and angered is something that could be addictive for the ADHD’er? Could spending copious amounts of time re-visiting strong grudges and getting all worked up be another way the ADHD brain seeks to release adrenaline, to stimulate the neuropathways in order to “feel normal”? Albeit a physically and mentally unhealthy way.
My Grandmother and Aunt lived together for some time, they both fit the ADHD profile. As a kid, I would ride my bike over to visit them often. Particularly in the time in the summer. They lived near a park and a McDonald’s.
Anyways…as a kid, one of the things that often perplexed me about them was how they could both spend hours complaining about the neighbours and the injustices, constantly re-living and comparing varying events of stupidity. It makes more sense now.
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