Re: add and social skills

[Robbo]

I know this is an older page, but I’m glad I found it. Lot’s of great advice that I can use, and I didn’t have to start a new topic about social skills struggles. I never really developed social skills, for a lot of the same nature/nurture reasons that don’t really matter now. I’m into the solution now. Not the cause. My lack of long term friendships has a lot of the same reasons of some of you guys. That’s part of the cause of my depression. ADHD is the main cause of my depression. I may have to always take them, but I’m taking less depression medz and starting (slower than I want to ) on the ADD medz.

I’m also finding that the solution is just as no_dopamine, toofat, and others say. For me to try to keep my focus and attention on the other people, really pay attention, not think as much about what I want to talk about. Or me at all. More listening, remembering names, and common courtesy like introducing people. That helps me memorize names too. I’ll check out those links. I never really learned “social skills” that’s not a crime! It’s part of undiagnosed ADHD and other similar struggles.

So many times when I restrain myself from talking about what seems urgent enough to interrupt someone, five minutes later (If I remember it) it turns out to be not that interesting. Sometimes it helps to have a scratch pad just to doodle a little, n write stuff instead of saying it. But still show real interest in the other person, genuinely have interest too. My planner comes in handy for that, getting the planner out if I’m making plans for later with the person I’m talking to, gives me an excuse to have it there on my lap. And I try to be discreet about scribbling my endless ideas down. Remembering to show up for plans I make with friends would have helped me hold on to a lot of good friends I’ve had over the years. I can relate to Krazy Kat a lot!, that’s where the planner comes in handy. Especially on the phone. I can write down things people say that are important for me to remember. (family, health issues, and worries people have. things I do care about, but forget to ask about next time we talk) I never thought about putting this much work into keeping good friendships. Now that I’m older, it’s more important because for whatever reason, the ADHD symptoms, like being forgetful are more glaring, and work like a new friendship repellent sometimes.

I have to just accept the fact that not everyone is going to like me also. Let that go, don’t trip on it!

It’s a bummer waiting to get the right medication that will make it more possible to actually do these things, restrain myself. Actually use the planner!

In the meantime I’ve got tons and tons of good encouragement to read here.

Thanks gang, some of this is a lot like therapy, really good therapy.

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