Re: ADD, rage and cross cultural parenting

[ipsofacto]

One way you might approach the subject with him, is to look at other triggers for overreaction. Does he get angry when driving, with telemarketers, maybe politics, or with machines that don’t function properly? I f he can be shown a pattern of behavior, it may help him see that he is letting these triggers take over his conscious control.

Another common trait is look for external reasons why something has gone wrong. But as I said before, my wife at first believed it was entirely my problem. As I stopped giving my daughter a target for her to vent her frustration, she has redirected some of her behavior toward my wife. It has been an eye opener for my my wife, though that has not changed the need for me to keep up my new demeanor.

My daughter is fifteen. Your description of your daughter would have also described my daughter at twelve. She has been very close to her mother too. Being an elementary school teacher, my wife immersed her from an early age in learning opportunities. I think this why she has not struggled with school until now.

Twelve was the age when she and I started butting heads. I have heard many fathers chastising their children in far worse tones than I would use. With an ADHD child and a family history of ODD, I can’t afford to be like other fathers, I have to be more in control of my emotion regulation than an NT father. Perhaps this is something he might respond to, in that it doesn’t matter what are his or anyone’s idea of how things should be, what matters is dealing with the reality of what is needed to produce the best outcome for your daughter. As it happens, some Buddhist mindful understanding of how his emotions are controlling his actions may help see this reality.

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