thank you nellie for starting this – this has been something on my mind for quite a while…except my kids are younger, and son is asd(dx) and i suspect also add….so some different issues, but a common thread
i know for me fear of my mother is what kept me “motivated” when i was in grade school.
unfortunately most of my memories of my mom from when i was growing up are of her yelling and/or criticizing me.
to this day we have a strained relationship.
i never wanted to be that kind of mother… always thought i would be different as a parent.
and yet, i find myself yelling…a lot- during the school year especially…sometimes i feel like a monster – like someone else possesses my body i get so angry and frustrated and feel out of control it escalates so quickly.
i ususally end up apologizing for yelling, explaining why i got so mad/frustrated…hoping we all do better next time…..
other times i’m “the coolest mom”. the kids and i are pretty goofy, we enjoy hanging out together(most of the time), and i make sure they know i love them and how wonderful they are in their own unique ways.
i also am seeking a way to better handle myself , having not only add issues myself(not diagnosed yet, but i can’t imagine i’m not since finding this site), but also dealing with an (almost) 8 year old son who has asd and i suspect add, along with a 4 yo daughter “normy?” who is so very different from me and my son – actually, in many ways she is harder for me to handle than my “special needs” son….but that’s a whole other story.
does medication help with the feelings of impatience/frustration/anger outbursts? or does it just help with focus/attention/procrastination/overwhelm…? not that help with just those things only wouldn’t be wonderful…just curious…
red squirrel, one thing i’ve found that helps with the homework issues is making sure to do it early enough in the evening – the later it gets the harder it is for him to stay focused and think clearly. but don’t know if that’s going to help with anyone else.and it’s not always practical even for us, depending on my work schedule, since i’m pretty much the only one around who understands his homework and how to help him with it.it also helps if we break up what’s most challenging for him into smaller parts. for example, he hates/has difficulty with writing out vocabulary definitions, so when we can we’ll do say 2 or 3 of them monday,tuesday,wednesday,thursday to turn in friday rather than doing all of them on wednesday when assigned – but of course the teacher has to be on board with that too…..and i’m not often able to do the ideal due to us both procrastinating…..ugh
as a young adult i found motivation when i came out of a relationship….let’s just say he really did a number on me…and i never wanted to be so dependent on a man again. i decided to persue a career that i thought would be a ticket to financial freedom with an educational program i could stick with. i did graduate and get my dc, but, many years later, financial independence continues to elude me…..but working on that 
nellie, is it possible your son has a co-morb of oppositional/defiance disorder? or is it just teenage stuff combined with add?anyway,
one of my close friends has a daughter very much like me(and ironically my daughter is very much like her – we’re like yin and yang)…it’s a running joke with her that we don’t know how it happened that we gave birth to eachothers daughters. anyway, i remind her from time to time that she, her daughter, is not her….what she,my friend, was like/doing/capable of at a given age is different for her daughter…some people take more time to find their niche/find their motivation in life….and yelling all the time is only causing damage to her and to their relationship, not helping her daughter do what she needs to do. so, let sleeping kids lie? well, perhaps sometimes we need to step back, take a break from the usual, maybe time to get a different perspective….. but, make sure you’ve investigated and dealt with underlying issues such as add and make sure he has whatever supports in place that he needs meds/counseling/therapy/tutors/career counselor? if he’s finished with high school but not really getting into college, maybe he could take a year or so to just work? or work pt/school pt? it is so hard to stick with something without a concrete goal/ genuine interest. but with the proper support in place…..well, i find i’m rambling and hope what i’ve written doesn’t offend…..
ttfn:)
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