Re: Alchohol/illegal drugs treating ADHD

[Carrie]

Bige – MDMA was my self med. I got the awesome calm, clear, understanding of everything! On it I could listen to anything anyone was saying and understand them completely and see their true feelings! I saw me for who I was, my situation and how to deal and fix it all. I remember looking at my pile of laundry (I hate laundry) and thinking “If I want it done I need to stop feeling sorry about myself and how I cant do anything and just do it!” And so I did. I remember telling my husband ‘Im so sorry! I am putting all this big burden on you for taking care of me when you get home bossing you around. We need to work as a team” and at that time I was coming off a 4 day high and was in a big lul and those were the best days of my marriage. We did work as a team. I saw how to do it. That movie limitless was EXACTLY how I felt. I saw the answers and it all made sense. If it was legal, and somehow we could get small safe doses I would take it in a heart beat! Problem is, there are complications. I took too much once… Of course you cant sleep or eat on it. I was up all night, hadn’t eaten in 2 days… I remember walking up the stairs, seeing my husband go out the door and saying “everything is black” next thing I knew he was holding my shoulders saying “Carrie!! Carrie!! are you ok??” I just looked at him and said “yeah. leave me alone im going to bed” My arm was then hurting bad so I told him that and he said “You just fell head first into the closet and I caught you!” I had no clue it happened. Im so glad he was there. All that day I had to take things very slow or I would start to black out. Besides that, theres the depression part that roles in. The down sucked! Gross grungy feeling. My husband also hates drugs and anything to do with them. Smart man he is. I would never tell him I took them until after I was on them and was wide awake in bed and depressed on the down. But… I didnt get that calm, clear, understanding until after the high and down. So many time ive thought… I could just take such a small dose to get that calm, clear, understanding. I thought the ADD meds would do that for me, that was a big let down. hahahaha The understanding part was the best…. Gosh… Ive often thought.. I could just take it enough to reach my goals then stop! But noooooooooooo. Even though I came to all those understandings… as soon as they wore off.. I remember them, some… but dont do anything about it. Where as on it, I did and would.

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