Re: Always thought I was too lazy to be ADD

[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed last year at age 58. I was being treated for depression for 30 years and never understood why I was always still depressed. What’s up with that? I am also a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict (22 years clean and free and sober) — and a smoker (20 years clean) and caffeine drinker (still indulging) — well, looking back, it was all stimulants I went for.

Anyway, I was reading “Spark” last year — a book about exercise and the brain by Dr. John Ratey, another ADDer — and when I read the chapter on ADHD, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Wow, this guy is writing my life. So I went and got tested and sure enough, there it was, right in front of me. Even at my age, it’s a relief to finally understand what the heck is wrong with me: the clanging in my head, the terrifying overwhelmingness of airports, the difficulty changing the channel, the stuttering because my head is moving faster than my mouth, the absolutely horrifyingly painful to-do list and paralysis of will, the lost keys over and over again and consequent frustration and rage with myself — all my questions answered. Now the work can really begin, right?

I have had some success at work — I somehow managed to figure out about scheduling myself, so I’m grateful for that. I do have a lot of really wonderful friends who have been very understanding (and some of them ADDers themselves). Eh, my love life has always been a big hot mess, but ya can’t win ’em all.

I was also on serotonin type meds — I look back now and realize I was basically sleepwalking for most of that time. That does make me a little sad. I’m on concerta and love it. I am so calm and focused and awake I can hardly believe it’s me. To all of you in your 30s and 40s — be happy with your good fortune! I am happy with mine. I have friends older than I am who, I suspect, are also ADD and remain undiagnosed.

Sea_dreamer: interesting and annoying and freeing all at the same time says it all.

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