Always thought I was too lazy to be ADD

[Anonymous]

I was just recently diagnosed with ADD, at 35 years old. I honestly didn’t see it coming, and I am always interesting in psychology, meta-cognition, and understanding why certain people ‘think’ or perceive things the way they do. I think my ADD gives me a benefit towards working with children (I am a teacher) because I feel I can relate to them, see things from their POV, and have more patience with them…yes, I have ADD AND patience, lol, plenty of patience towards others but NOT myself.

I was originally diagnosed with general anxiety and depression, after seeking help for drinking. I stayed sober for 3 years, and continued to stay on antidepressants. I moved to a new city and changed jobs. Although I began and do currently drink, it has never put me in the place I was before. It was when I began seeing a different dr after I moved that ADD finally came up…along with difficulties in going back to college. My new dr asked what kind of depressed thoughts, was I sad or what? I told him that it wasn’t sadness, more self esteem issues, constantly beating myself up for procrastinating, feeling overwhelmed by the everyday life things, things that everyone else seems to do without a thought. These ‘little everyday things’ can overwhelm me to the point that I do NOTHING, then I beat myself up for being ‘lazy.’ The laziness thing was probably kept me from seeing the ADD angle. I turned to drinking in the past because I had difficulty falling asleep, in addition to feeling depressed and having low self-esteem.

Everyone always describes me as so calm and patient, while inside my mind is racing and thinking, “if you only knew!” I am also often accused of playing devils advocate. Often when other coworkers/friends are talking/ gossiping/ judging other people, I am saying, “well maybe they didn’t know…” or “maybe they meant…” I think I do this because I don’t want people to judge ME based on what they SEE (i.e. my messy desk) instead of what they KNOW (I’m a good teacher.) lol.

Currently, I am teaching Pre-K while getting masters in Spec. Ed/Autism. I am taking a different antidepressant (one that doesn’t affect my seratonin(sp) levels. The dr. explained that with ADD, seratonin antidepressants are a bad combination, makes us LESS motivated to do/complete things. I am also taking adderall. Both have greatly helped me, my fiance is AMAZED. I also think just knowing I have ADD has helped me approach things differently and be more accepting of myself.

My self confidence is much better and I finally trust myself to go for things I have always wanted to do but thought I would fail at doing, so I wouldn’t even try. I researched some tendencies of woman, specifically, with ADD and we are far less likely to be diagnosed, because without the ‘hyperactive,’ we aren’t disruptive. We also learn to cope with/cover it up more as women. I know my way of coping was to stay in my comfort zone and not challenge myself. I always thought I was smart enough, but never understood why I couldn’t provide a finished product which reflected my strengths. I learned to tell myself I would be ‘setting myself up for failure.’

My current struggles as a teacher are organizing and concentration. When I actually FIND time to get some paper work done at work, I get easily distracted by other teachers, someone asking a question, etc. I always give up on it and end up doing it all at home. That in turn leaves me with less time to do housework, cook, run errands, etc…which is convenient because that stuff isn’t fun anyway, lol.

OK, I am done talking, lol, hope that all makes sense. Just so relieved to see others with similar obstacles able to make progress.

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[Anonymous]

Well I’m 34 and have been “treated” for anxiety and depression for years. It wasn’t until the pieces fel into place finally that things made sense. Much like you i have always had an interest in how people are wired. I didn’t undertand hough just what ADHD meant other then I was a day dreamer. I was lazy is all I even thought. Or been nurtured to believe. i had been on serotonin antidepressants for years. Paxil to cymbalta and many in between. The odd thing is I could never really say they worked. There was always something.

I recently went from taking cymbalta to totally stopping it under my Doctor’s guidance of course. Do I feel different without it? Not really. The stepping from 18mg concerta to the 36mg has made more difference then anything I’ve EVER taken before. But he’re the rub. After 34 years of low output, mico manipulating people and finding other ways of getting things done or done for me, I don’t know how not to be “lazy”. I’m comfortable doing little as it’s what I got used to. Maybe exersize will start to put up the energy levels that it won’t be so much work actually doing more but it’s one of those catch 22’s. You need the energy to get started to get the energy to get started lol

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[Anonymous]

Yeah, I was mid-30’s when I got my diagnosis. I was both ticked off and relieved to find out what was getting in my way. Once I found out – that I wasn’t ‘LAZY’ or ‘CRAZY’ – I was able to turn it around, totally.

ADHD came out of hiding. Now we get along just fine. Most people who don’t read what I write online are stunned to find out I have it, because I’m ten times more productive than most people I meet.

T. Lavon Lawrence

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[Anonymous]

@TLavonLawrence…I had to laugh..’ADHD came out of hiding.Now we get along fine.’ Brilliant!

When I figured it out, it didn’t seem to make much difference one way or another. In order to accomplish stuff in my life so far, I’ve had to be logical about what I can and can’t do…have just thought that’s the way I was..didn’t spend time worrying about how I wasn’t.

It did help answer the ‘why?’ of certain things like ‘Why do I get so excited over new things then the next day…pthththt!’

Also…..’So that’s why most people are so slow and boring!’ *laugh*

I’ve read some of the annoying things of us ADH’ers and try to modify my behaviour.

I’ve always been fairly self-aware but was a bit dissapointed to find that I wasn’t unique…that there’s a whole world of ADHD’ers out there!

We should form teams or something!

@ShaneG…Best way to get started for exercise is just to do one small thing today.

That’s it.

Try 5 minutes of anything.

I got started with hand weights while I watched TV in the morning for 5 minutes.

Better than nothing and it will eventually give you energy.

Little by little….just one thing…. no biggie.

: )

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[Anonymous]

@TLavonLawrence (and dude you need a nickname! thats hard! LOL) that’s twice now on two different threads that you have earned a head nod. My variation of yup! I totally love your “adhd came out of hiding” line. That was awesome!

It’s funny how many of us seem to have this interest in how people are wired. I wonder if it comes from being different, knowing that we don’t think like they do?

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[Anonymous]

I am 42 and got my diagnosis this year. I knew I had a learning disability in maths but needed to be tested to get some accommodations at school (yep I had gone back to school …. that English lit thing just wasn’t doing it for me. Y’know what they say “go to university and get an education ~ go to college and get a job). It never occurred to me that I could have ADD since I am able at times to concentrate so hard that I can block anything out and am always irked when someone pulls me out of that state (usually occurs when I am reading or watching tv). I’ve always been told that I “don’t live up to my potential” and if I would “just apply myself” and “stop daydreaming” things would come together for me. Anyway, on top of the diagnosis of dyscalculia I was also diagnosed with ADD, and I found out that ability to shut things out is “hyperconcentration” and is part of the pathology of ADD ….. I found it all rather interesting and annoying and freeing all at the same time.

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[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed last year at age 58. I was being treated for depression for 30 years and never understood why I was always still depressed. What’s up with that? I am also a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict (22 years clean and free and sober) — and a smoker (20 years clean) and caffeine drinker (still indulging) — well, looking back, it was all stimulants I went for.

Anyway, I was reading “Spark” last year — a book about exercise and the brain by Dr. John Ratey, another ADDer — and when I read the chapter on ADHD, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Wow, this guy is writing my life. So I went and got tested and sure enough, there it was, right in front of me. Even at my age, it’s a relief to finally understand what the heck is wrong with me: the clanging in my head, the terrifying overwhelmingness of airports, the difficulty changing the channel, the stuttering because my head is moving faster than my mouth, the absolutely horrifyingly painful to-do list and paralysis of will, the lost keys over and over again and consequent frustration and rage with myself — all my questions answered. Now the work can really begin, right?

I have had some success at work — I somehow managed to figure out about scheduling myself, so I’m grateful for that. I do have a lot of really wonderful friends who have been very understanding (and some of them ADDers themselves). Eh, my love life has always been a big hot mess, but ya can’t win ’em all.

I was also on serotonin type meds — I look back now and realize I was basically sleepwalking for most of that time. That does make me a little sad. I’m on concerta and love it. I am so calm and focused and awake I can hardly believe it’s me. To all of you in your 30s and 40s — be happy with your good fortune! I am happy with mine. I have friends older than I am who, I suspect, are also ADD and remain undiagnosed.

Sea_dreamer: interesting and annoying and freeing all at the same time says it all.

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