Re: Attemping communicating with too much emotion

[Saffron]

My issues with emotional flooding and interrupting used to leave both my partner and me in terrible shape after a disagreement. Here’s what works for us now:

1. Whoever is upset must say “I’m upset” and end there, signalling that a discussion will take place. You can both say this if necessary. If possible, take a few minutes or more apart to calm down.

2. Each person gets up to five minutes of “air-time” to say how they feel and why. The other person must listen quietly and attentively, even if it’s hard to do so. Ground rule is that the partner who is talking must state grievances using “I feel ________ when….”

3. The listener must then restate what the talker has said (whether the listener agrees or not). Clarifications of what was said are allowed, but no rebuttals yet. This part ends when the talker says “Yes, that’s it.”

4. Then the listener takes his or her turn to talk for five minutes. She or he can then respond or rebut to the first person, but must use the ground rule for how to state it.

Repeat process as many times as necessary. It’s amazing how few times we need to go through it now to resolve things and restore good feelings.

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