Re: Attemping communicating with too much emotion

[veronica]

my husband and i have been battling this issue for YEARS!

communicating effectively is difficult enough for all, but throw in ADD and it’s a whirlwind of confusion and frustration. this last conversation that my husband and i had was the kicker. i had to aim to make myself be a more effective communicator and be able to feel understood and too understand him. he has been dealing with my ADHD for 7 years and even though i’ve only been medicated for since this January he was still feeling lost, angry, frustrated and at wits end with our inability to move past things. so, i took it upon myself to research the hell out of ways to be fearless and expressive in my communication with him.

i found a site- communication magic. for 29 bucks i received a book and some audio to a teleconference discussing the book (the book and audio is downloadable). i HIGHLY recommend it (not only for those with ADD(HD), but even those without it. they discuss 10 big communication mistakes and they break each one down so that you can recognize cycles, patterns and the root cause of the miscommunication in all areas of your life- not just in a relationship.

1-allowing your mind to wander while someone is trying is talking to you

2-being afraid to say what you are truly feeling for fear of causing problems, or b/c you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings

3-thinking that everyone else wants what you want and thinks the way you do

4-being defensive and having your own agenda when you listen to another person

5-being unclear in your communication and not clearly asking for what you want

6-taking too much, or not enough of the responsibility for a situation

7-allowing problems/misunderstandings to simmer until you explode

8-running away either physically, or emotionally when things get rough

9-assuming you know what someone is thinking or feeling

10-judging and blaming the other person as they are speaking and you are talking

i was unclear of a lot things regarding certain aspects of my reactions. a lot of the time i was battling in my head what was a ‘normal’ reaction verses my personality type verses my ADHD. the teleconference recordings were great for me, b/c i was able to listen to them on my commute to work (alone) and have my own ‘ah-ha’ moments without feeling judged or fearful of what another person(s) reactions or opinions may be of what was being discussed. the recording helped me recognize where the ball was being dropped and gave me insight on how to change that behavior. and that is what it is truly about. YOU wanting to make that change. YOU ultimately being ready to discover how to stop the cycle.

since then i have been able to effectively get my point across to my husband in a way that was a compromise and not about always ‘being right’. i’ve really opened up to him and in turn his patience with me has BLOSSOMED!

it’s not for everyone, but maybe just taking that time to listen to it will help one, or maybe both of you feel as though you are not alone.

good luck! (((hugs)))

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