Re: Broken all my trust

[Anonymous]

Hello Book Worm!

I was in a similar situation with the father of my son and my heart goes out to you. He has been addicted to drugs, any drug, since before I knew him, it just wasn’t blatantly obvious at first so I didn’t pick up on it. As Wgreen said, ADHD individuals are more likely to suffer from addiction issues as they try to cope with the personal and social effects of ADHD. Biologically, individuals prone to addiction are likely to have a dopamine-related brain dysfunction termed Reward-Deficiency Syndrome. This is caused by low levels of dopamine in the brain which leads to seeking out of stimulating behavior, highs, etc. ADHD is thought to be a subtype of RDS (although I’m not sure if there is an official consensus on that) because the ADHD brain is also low in dopamine.

Ritalin and other stimulants (including cocaine) directly increase the amount of dopamine available for use by the brain. The thing about long-term drug use is that even if a person starts off with normal levels of dopamine, after the brain is exposed for so long to increased levels, it begins to turn off some of it’s receptors, essentially creating a dopamine deficiency and leading to the characteristics of RDS.

The effects of long-term drug use on the brain (even after the addict has chosen to pursue recovery/sobriety) actually mimic the symptoms of ADHD, and NOT that I am arguing your husband’s diagnosis, but it’s possible that he doesn’t have ADHD and is just suffering from the effects of his addiction. Again, I don’t know your husband or the circumstances, but I just wanted to throw that possibility out there.

I agree with those who have posted above me, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings are the way to go. I posted the links to each site so you can find a meeting in your area if you are interested. I also posted a link to an article on ADHD and RDS, and also two links to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. They have great information on addiction as a brain disease as well as on resources for addicts and family members, and the specific drugs of abuse.

I unfortunately have many family members, including my son’s father, who are addicts, some of them have gone to inpatient rehab, some don’t think it’s an issue. A few things that I have learned along the way are that addiction truly is a brain disease even though it’s symptoms seem outwardly behavioral. The drugs change the messages that are relayed to and from the brain, and what results is a loved-one who cannot say no, even when there are severe and dire consequences attached to that decision. I cannot ‘will’ an addict into recovery any more than I can ‘will’ a cancer patient into remission. And most importantly, I learned that I needed to focus on taking care of myself and my son, because the only person I can control is myself, and I am ultimately responsible for my son’s safety. In my case that meant leaving my son’s father even though it was a hard decision to make. When I thought about it, I was spending too much time worrying about his father’s well-being to be the kind of mom I wanted to be, and I knew I didn’t want my son around that behavior. I figured his father is an adult with free will of his own, and he can take care of himself.

Not surprisingly, even with the amount of guilt-slinging that took place before we moved out (‘I can’t believe you’re ripping our family apart!’ ‘I’ll stop, I already cut down! You just don’t trust me!’ and my personal favorite ‘If you leave, then I will have nothing left to be sober for!’), the loss of his family didn’t seem to phase him, and SEVEN YEARS later he is still using drugs (I have even caught him using on one of his visitation weekends!) and I am SO happy that we escaped when we did.

>>>These are just personal lessons I have learned, please don’t take anything out of context, because I am not trying to make any suggestions or preach to you in any way. This is just what worked for ME, and what helped ME.

There are millions of people with your same secret, you are definitely not alone. Hopefully these resources can help you get to where you need to be, because it sure is painful being where you are.

Nar-Anon: http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

Al-Anon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

ADHD and RDS: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2626918/

National Institute on Drug Abuse: http://easyread.drugabuse.gov/index.php

National Institute on Drug Abuse: http://www.drugabuse.gov/

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