Broken all my trust

[Anonymous]

Hi guys,

I found this place by accident, but thought it would be a good place to talk to someone as my husbands problem is a secret and i have nobody to talk to about it. About a year ago my husband was diagnosed with ADD and prescribed 60mg ritalin a day. He has had a problem with cocaine addiction before he was diagnosed with ADD. When he first started taking his ritalin I was over the moon, because he had stopped using cocaine. But soon after that, I realised that a totally new addiction had reared its ugly head. he take dangerous levels of ritalin everyday and I just don’t know how to make it stop. some days he uses up to 10 x 30mg tablets in a space of 24 hours. He becomes careless in the ways he goes about getting the tablets, I always find receipts for tablets that he has bought. First he will try lie to me and tell me that he never did it but eventually he tells the truth. I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel so disappointed in him because he always promises he will stop. I offered to get him help but he refuses. I dont know how much longer I will be able to handel this. I cant just pack up and leave because we have a 2 year old little boy together. I have never really known him when he is not addicted to something so i also don’t want to let go of him. I feel sad and alone.

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[Wgreen]

Hey—

I think you need to talk to his doctor. Since I don’t know where you live, I don’t know what the regulatory policy is concerning patient/doctor privacy, but I suspect he/she might be willing to sit down with you and discuss your concerns. According to the research, ADDers are 40-50% more likely to succumb to substance addiction. (I gather many ADDers are also addicted to lying.) But that doesn’t mean this is entirely an ADD problem. I’m so sorry. I know it breaks your heart.

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[Misswho23]

Sorry you are going through this. I have known people who have abused the stimulant medications. I agree talk to his doctor. It sounds like he has some major addiction problems. And could have a dual diagnosis. ADD and addiction. Both intertwine with each other.

Most important get help for yourself. Check out groups for families of substance abusers. You can’t change him but you can change your behavior and how you handle things. Dealing with addiction is something not to be handled alone. So finding people who can share what they have learned living with an addict can help to empower you to make good choices for yourself and your child. You don’t have to leave that’s your choice. But you do have to learn what you can and can not change.

Al-anon is a good place to start for addressing the addiction issues. And there are on-line resources if you do not want to go in person to start. Just do a search for the area your in. This site is a good resource for the ADD issues that Al-anon will most likely not cover. But you will find there are people who have a dual diagnosis.

Glad you found this site. I’ve been here just a short while. I’m ADHD and the insight and tips here have really helped. You’re not alone in this.

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[g.laiya]

i agree that this is beyond strictly add issues, and pretty clear he has an addiction problem. most addicts, from what i know, will not seek help/be open to help until they have “reached rock bottom”. not always the case, but something to keep in mind.

maybe consider doing an intervention? get a group of people together who love him and care about him who are willing to confront him as a unified group somewhere you can talk openly and safely. maybe with the assistance of a psych who specializes in addiction? write down all the ways his addiction is negatively affecting you(and your child) personally, and perhaps lay out the consequences if he doesn’t get help. at the same time letting him know this is out of love and concern for him, …..you probably want to talk to an addiction specialist first, and come up with a plan. you should be able to find one by doing an internet search if you are unable to find one by referral/recommendation.

you may also be able to get help through your local church/temple/mosque…whatever path you follow….

i am really sorry you’re having to go through this too. fortunately, you don’t have to go it alone though. there are also groups, like misswho said, al-anon, that can be a really great resource for you. i don’t remember what it stands for, but it’s part of the broad group of anonymous groups like aa – alcoholics anonymous, but aimed at helping those whose lives are afffected by living with/loving someone with any addiction. i’ve heard ,too, that some of the _anonymous groups have on-line meetings with people talking from all over the world almost 24/7. you should also be able to find a local meeting you can attend in person.

and also this site, of course, for support for living with someone with ad/hd.

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[Anonymous]

Hello Book Worm!

I was in a similar situation with the father of my son and my heart goes out to you. He has been addicted to drugs, any drug, since before I knew him, it just wasn’t blatantly obvious at first so I didn’t pick up on it. As Wgreen said, ADHD individuals are more likely to suffer from addiction issues as they try to cope with the personal and social effects of ADHD. Biologically, individuals prone to addiction are likely to have a dopamine-related brain dysfunction termed Reward-Deficiency Syndrome. This is caused by low levels of dopamine in the brain which leads to seeking out of stimulating behavior, highs, etc. ADHD is thought to be a subtype of RDS (although I’m not sure if there is an official consensus on that) because the ADHD brain is also low in dopamine.

Ritalin and other stimulants (including cocaine) directly increase the amount of dopamine available for use by the brain. The thing about long-term drug use is that even if a person starts off with normal levels of dopamine, after the brain is exposed for so long to increased levels, it begins to turn off some of it’s receptors, essentially creating a dopamine deficiency and leading to the characteristics of RDS.

The effects of long-term drug use on the brain (even after the addict has chosen to pursue recovery/sobriety) actually mimic the symptoms of ADHD, and NOT that I am arguing your husband’s diagnosis, but it’s possible that he doesn’t have ADHD and is just suffering from the effects of his addiction. Again, I don’t know your husband or the circumstances, but I just wanted to throw that possibility out there.

I agree with those who have posted above me, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings are the way to go. I posted the links to each site so you can find a meeting in your area if you are interested. I also posted a link to an article on ADHD and RDS, and also two links to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. They have great information on addiction as a brain disease as well as on resources for addicts and family members, and the specific drugs of abuse.

I unfortunately have many family members, including my son’s father, who are addicts, some of them have gone to inpatient rehab, some don’t think it’s an issue. A few things that I have learned along the way are that addiction truly is a brain disease even though it’s symptoms seem outwardly behavioral. The drugs change the messages that are relayed to and from the brain, and what results is a loved-one who cannot say no, even when there are severe and dire consequences attached to that decision. I cannot ‘will’ an addict into recovery any more than I can ‘will’ a cancer patient into remission. And most importantly, I learned that I needed to focus on taking care of myself and my son, because the only person I can control is myself, and I am ultimately responsible for my son’s safety. In my case that meant leaving my son’s father even though it was a hard decision to make. When I thought about it, I was spending too much time worrying about his father’s well-being to be the kind of mom I wanted to be, and I knew I didn’t want my son around that behavior. I figured his father is an adult with free will of his own, and he can take care of himself.

Not surprisingly, even with the amount of guilt-slinging that took place before we moved out (‘I can’t believe you’re ripping our family apart!’ ‘I’ll stop, I already cut down! You just don’t trust me!’ and my personal favorite ‘If you leave, then I will have nothing left to be sober for!’), the loss of his family didn’t seem to phase him, and SEVEN YEARS later he is still using drugs (I have even caught him using on one of his visitation weekends!) and I am SO happy that we escaped when we did.

>>>These are just personal lessons I have learned, please don’t take anything out of context, because I am not trying to make any suggestions or preach to you in any way. This is just what worked for ME, and what helped ME.

There are millions of people with your same secret, you are definitely not alone. Hopefully these resources can help you get to where you need to be, because it sure is painful being where you are.

Nar-Anon: http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

Al-Anon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

ADHD and RDS: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2626918/

National Institute on Drug Abuse: http://easyread.drugabuse.gov/index.php

National Institute on Drug Abuse: http://www.drugabuse.gov/

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[scott]

I and my friends who have ADD are not addicted to anything.  I don’t even drink and my other two friends rarely drink and one doesn’t even want to take the meds.  I think this problem is the result of his having taken cocaine which altered his brain chemistry and it would take a long time to get over that.  I think I read once that ritalin is sometimes associated with the feeling of cocaine. It is possible that he started cocaine use to self medicate for the ADD.  Unfortunately, that was a bad choice. Cocaine creates an orgasmic feeling of reward without doing anything to achieve it.  Maybe Wellbutrin  only, would be a better choice for a while and then maybe switching to time released Adderall.

I really hope he gets better.

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[Author]

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