Re: Bullying

[Anonymous]

Hi. there square peg in a round hole…..sure sounds right. I live there and revel in it today. However, the square peg thought was always present for me….and some people have a very very hard time with it. I to had times when I thought “I am insane”….I could always function (sort of) but the thought I’m insane was never far away…..that can’t be good for anybody, ever! True we generally are class clowns, or social outcasts or……..the list is endless, and many are destuctive. Fact is our brain simply works different from the majority of the worlds brains!! Truth is because of that and some nature, some nurture, some of our behaviors are hmmmm……not well accepted in a social environment. That is not news to anybody here. It is normative for us…. I liken our personalities to driving a very high powered car….the potential is tremendous, for great…… and disasterous results. I had to learn how to drive with all that power under my foot without the disasterous results part. But first I had accept that reality, then I could use the high-horse power do the work to get me to a better life.

I spent 3 great years with a counselor, went for one set of reasons stayed for another, funny how that happens. He was good, actually he was great!!! I learned many many things about myself (still do), how I operate, what makes me tick and why, and that who I was, what I believe, what my perspective, my true perspective was, and that it was ok. What I also learned (cause we are very intellegent) was how to manage those pieces of my life that caused me grief and how my perspective fed that. I learned how to better relate to others (particularly my family) and be more accepting of their differences, opinions, and mine. I had to learn how to manage aggression and frustration and the impact it had on others. I could be hurtful and caustic. He was TOUGH and would not allow any bullshit from me….I needed that. I had to want to listen, I had to want to learn to listen…really listen to others, and accept. This is a big big world and there is room for all of the opinions….even if they are stupid hahahhahaha (just kiddin).

I had to want to try and experiment and I had to give up many of the preconceived notions and tools that had gotten me that far in life. That in it’s self was really really scary, and exciting, and rewarding venture.

So for me the inner search of finding who I really am and accepting that person and liking that person was important. If I don’t have real love for myself how could I expect anybody else to???? I found a lot of truth in AA Serenity Prayer, I’m not an AA person but there are bits and pieces all over out there if we just use that high-horse powered brain in that way.

Funny…as I was going thru this process, many people really didn’t like it. I was pressed to turn back, from all sides, continously but I had a strong belief that I was being guided in the right direction. I am still very very self aware. I will be always, it works for me. I can only say that one of my keys to success was the right counselor. There are many out there, but it really took a special one. I will be grateful to him forever.

For me it was/is a long road,not smooth but exciting but the rewards have worth all of it…..

toofat

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